The Wake

I never thought that I would find myself eating lunch in a parked car along University Avenue by choice. But then again, I had never really thought about eating at Porky’s.The 50s-style drive-in restaurant located at the intersection of University and Fairview avenues features a common theme: grease. This does not pertain only to the items on the menu. The place is an automotive apex straight outta’ “Happy Days”; a haven for grease monkeys and malt-guzzlers alike.Oddly however, my comrade-in-cuisine (my roommate) and I soon discovered that we could not order our food from the phones next to the …

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Grunge died ten years ago. Which is why Death Cab for Cutie, current Seattlelite sensations, sound nothing like it. Though the band – Ben Gibbard, guitar and vocals; Chris Walla, guitar; Nick Harmer, bass; and Michael Schoor –hails from the slate-gray birthplace of bleach and bi-polar frontmen, they’ve taken a decidedly different approach to music from their clinically-depressed cousins. Making a stripped-down Pet Sounds on anti-depressants sound good, Death Cab’s music has sutured the broken hearts of overwhelmed emotional teenagers everywhere; kids who just can’t seem to stop wearing their hearts on their sleeves. Recently, with the release …

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This fall many college students have a chance to vote in a presidential election for the first time. But will they be voting here at the “U”? A national poll by Harvard University’s Institute of Politics found that 62 percent of college students say they will “definitely” vote this November. The last two presidential elections have each brought in almost 18 million young voters, fewer than in previous years, according to the US Census. Some campus political groups, such as Students for Bush, are waiting until school gets started before they really get their campaigns underway. Marty Andrade, president of …

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Nightlife will be a lot less hazy around campus this. Beginning on March 31, 2005, smoking will be forbidden in bars, restaurants, pool halls and bowling alleys in Minneapolis. The St. Paul City Council is working with Mayor Randy Kelly on a similar ban.Many smokers are feeling left out in the cold by the smoking bans. Barb Devos, a supervisor and server at Bar Abilene in Uptown,said shebelieves there could be a more reasonable approach.“The ban takes away from the freedom of what we want to do,” Devos said. “When you go to a bar at night you should expect …

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Stereotype. It’s almost a four-letter word, so dreaded in our politically correct culture. Yet somehow everyone has one. There’s the computer major who likes to play Dungeons and Dragons. The self-righteous journalism student convinced their pen will uncover the next Watergate. The rich frat boy with a closet full of plaid shirts, white hats, and custom-made beer bongs. The sorority girl swathed in pearls, spending Daddy’s money to buy her friends. I recently had the chance to challenge these last two stereotypes by sitting down with some University of Minnesota students involved in the Greek community and proud …

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The University of Minnesotafootball team earned something it hadn’t had in 35 years: a place among the top 25 ranked teams in the Associated Press preseason poll. Even though the Gophers finished off the list at the 25th spot, they have already demonstrated how they will be climbing the charts all year long.In general, most rankings project this year’s team to end up in fourth place in the Big Ten, which is where they placed last year. This year the conference is extremely competitive and has more teams ranked among the top 25 than any other conference with six teams. …

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Fall is here and school is probably the last thing on your mind. Memories of semesters past are distant and few; probably forgotten during that night you blacked out at Sugar Daddy’s night club in central Minnesota. Regardless, many of you may have forgotten the university’s deep-rooted secrets; the hidden nooks and crannies that make this often alien landscape more inviting. Fret no more, kids — school’s in session.The secret behind every good student is a good bathroom in which to “deposit his or her knowledge.” The key to campus bathrooms is privacy. With 50,000 people on campus, it can …

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So it’s the end of my senior year, miraculously. A mere four years at the ‘U’ and I am prepared to head off into the “real world,” diploma in hand, resume ready. Unfortunately, as those of you who’ve attended job fairs know well, everyone wants to hire us for a sales position. Now sales doesn’t seem bad when you first say it. I made sales while working in retail, and I liked the interaction with a variety of people, the varying inventory and being knowledgeable about various products. But sales positions mean something else entirely. . .Sales will mean working …

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This is the crystal ball special, the rest of the year in news brought to you before the news hits, or even happens. Keep it handy and score along as the year progresses.Sept. 2004: Jesus returns as the rapture takes place over Madison Square Garden at the National Republican Party convention during the week of 9/11. Bush is delighted as Jesus tells America - on a FOX news exclusive - that they are indeed God’s chosen people, and they have the right to kill as many people as necessary for carrying the eternal quest toward the great American …

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However long you gentlemen out there have had the image of girls’ night as women in their underwear getting into pillow fights or tickle wars with each other, hopefully now you have come to grips with this fabrication and realize it is only a fantasy. Mostly, we sit around and drink wine or cocktails, talk about school, work, lovers, fading friendships and new encounters. As men use the “activity” to bond; over sports, barhopping, car shows, etc.; women can get by with a good conversation any day. Until the drama begins to die down and little changes day-to-day. I have …

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Let me get a few things off my chest. I’m not a woman. I love babies. And I’m glad as a Gregorian monk to be setting the conservatives - those right-winged, “religiously-righteous,” Rolls-Royce revving revenue-riders - straight in their horribly misguided quest to assert moral dominance over the whole of America. Their latest perversion? Making abortion completely illegal. Get this part straight; don’t let them bullshit you with “only partial-birth bans” propaganda. No. To quote Quint, my favorite Spielbergian New England shark-hunter: they’re going for the head, the tail - the whole damn thing. Which is interesting, considering that in this …

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There is only one issue worth talking about when debating abortion, and that is whether or not when an abortion is killing a human being. That’s it. There are only two answers, either yes or no. If yes, then abortions should be made illegal. If no, then abort away. Sure, there are plenty of other strong arguments against abortion. Abortion clinics are strategically located near poor Black areas and have been used to control the Black population. In fact, there are about 30 million Blacks in America right now; there have been 40 million …

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Over the past few months, some excellent B-movie schlock has come to my attention. I feel the need to point out to the readers the very best. So I will give you the rundown on some of the best films from well below the mainstream radar. Hardcore Poisoned Eyes is a masterful work of suspense and terror. This Sal Ciavarello-directed film deals with the story of three young women who go to the country to get blitzed. However, they stumble upon a great menace, finding themselves the unwitting targets of a violent satanic cult. The story builds up to a …

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Tip for theater goers: avoid seeing a traveling musical during the middle of the week, especially at the end of the show’s run. What you’ll get are a few effortless actors disrespecting their characters, themselves and the audience.With that said, I wish I wasn’t referring to Jonathan Larson’s theatrical masterpiece “Rent,” which is an ultra-important story of friendship, suffering, life and death that will never lose its symbolic importance for American society – except when it is not taken seriously by those actors involved in its performance.In its sixth presentation at the Ordway Center in St. Paul, the show, which …

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Josh Hartnett must be one of the luckiest bastards in Minnesota.Not only did he score tickets to The Strokes’ sold out show at First Avenue on April 25, he managed to weasel his way in the VIP Lounge by virtue of his star power alone (I saw him do it with my own eyes).The rest of the 1400 audience members weren’t so fortunate. They had to suffer heady pulse-pounding sets from both The Raveonettes and The Strokes from the floor. Oh cruel fate. I didn’t hear much complaining from them, however.The opening act, The Raveonettes, touring all the way from …

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