The Wake

As spring break approaches, many students will head to local tanning parlors for that perfect “base tan” to get the best bronze glow possible while on vacation. Many students continue to tan and take advantage of tanning specials this time of year, even though the dangers of tanning are widely known. “Our business increases about 50 percent [around spring break],” says Grant Vaith, owner of the Planet Beach tanning salon on Como Avenue in Dinkytown. “People start tanning for spring break in February and tan for the months afterward to maintain their tan,” he says. Vaith says that spring break …

Read more →

Spring break in today’s culture can mostly be summed up by MTV, where (on its “Essential Spring Break Guide”) the mega-channel geared towards college students touts Cancun, a popular spring break destination, as “rightfully known as a netherworld of debauched frat dudes and raunchy girls where you may drunkenly sign a release and then everyone and your parents can see you on the latest ‘Girls Gone Wild’ commercial.” For some students, though, spring break can be anything but your typical vacation.For students involved with the University of Minnesota chapter of Habitat for Humanity, this third week in March is all …

Read more →

It’s happened to the best of us. Just hanging in Coffman, waiting in line for a bagel, we’ve cast a curious sideways glance and spied a television airing images of overcrowded, bloody, dirty and downright unhappy hens. Some of us might have canceled the egg on our bagel and maybe others just grinned and reminisced about that scene in Napoleon Dynamite where he works in a hen barn … haha, oh Napoleon.But these images are no laughing matter to Compassionate Action for Animals (CAA), the student organization that has been showing the documentary “Meet your Meat” in Coffman. The group …

Read more →

Pam Borton, Dan Monson and I were playing five-card stud in the Barn locker room. Like all poker games involving collegiate head coaches, there were ample amounts of alcohol. Don’t be naive; everybody knows college head coaches take five shots of bourbon before breakfast. In between body shots, beer bongs and awkward moments, the two would discuss basketball while I gazed in pure amazement at two transcendent coaching minds. I was watching a Bobby Knight and Joe Pa interview on a TV in the corner. I had two jacks and was hoping for a third to match my pair when …

Read more →

February was a cold month. The weather, sure, but that’s expected inMinnesota. What’s not expected? The Gophers women’s basketball team losing four straight games as they near post-season.“We’ve hit a bump right now,” says junior guard Kelly Roysland during a Feb. 21 interview. “But we’ve felt we’ve played some pretty good basketball overall and we’ve got a pretty good record right now.”Fortunately, for Roysland and her team, two weeks without a win ended when they defeated Indiana on Feb. 23 and rolled over Northwestern on Feb. 26. “I think the win over Indiana was a good start, I think it …

Read more →

Boxing is for bone-headed lunatics. It is a barbaric sport for numb-minded imbeciles who release their aggression by fighting instead of doing something normal like playing Halo, football or beer pong. Even Rocky says, “You would be a moron to want to box.” So why do people subject themselves to torture in an imprisoned square where each person wallops the other for three minute intervals? “It is a way of conquering fear,” says Josh Murphy, sophomore sociology and criminal deviance major at the U. He has boxed for four months. “Once you get in that ring, it is pretty …

Read more →

More than the shared cups of sugar, people use the word “community” to describe a virtual Eden from our golden days. It was a time when children could play soccer on the street without worrying about getting abducted by weirdos or squished by cars. A time when little Billy shoveled old Mr. Fischer’s sidewalk with no promises of financial reward. A time of PTA meetings and block parties and neighborhood BBQs.Fast-forward to our current world of Hades and now bikes are double-bolted, kids hide inside from strangers and bacteria and the only union forged among community members is through Neighborhood …

Read more →

My eyes barely grazed the speckled pink countertops of my kitchen. I was waist high next to my mother, whose body seemed to reach to the sky; her figure was the pinnacle of elegance. She had returned from work late that evening. Her eyes were glazed from her morning jog, afternoon meetings and frequent journeys across the city. Tired as she was, my mother watched me carefully as I wandered around the room, making sure I wouldn’t step in harms way; that I was safe. She rummaged through the cabinets of our house, searching for concoctions that would somehow lead …

Read more →

I once met this gorgeous girl. Unlike many such girls, she wasn’t brainless. On the contrary, I could tell she had intelligence and interesting ideas inside her. They just didn’t quite find their way out. While we never really connected, I could look at her for hours on end! You might be wondering at this point why the hell I’m rambling about some hot girl I really didn’t like that much. Well, I also just described Steven Soderbergh’s latest film, Bubble.You’ve probably heard of it. If you haven’t, let me catch you up. This movie is supposed to be the …

Read more →

With the recent release of their seventh album The Life Pursuit, I truly believe Belle & Sebastian’s cockteasing days are over. At first, the trademark precociousness of Scotland’s quirky retro-folk outfit managed to redeem the string of half-good albums they’ve recently released. They were let off the hook for being harmlessly endearing—who could help themselves?After a while, Belle & Sebastian’s cheeky nonsensicalities became less adorable and more difficult to stomach. It was as if they abandoned any sort of focus and just settled on being difficult. Their second most recent album of original songs, Dear Catastrophe Waitress (2003), was a …

Read more →

Craving sushi but short on cash? Sushi Express is your best option. Located a block away from the Superblock, you can’t beat its convenience or its cheap prices. But if quality is high on your priority list, don’t waste your time.Sushi Express, located at 929 Washington Ave S.E., offers sushi for fast-food prices. The portions are large, about nine pieces of sushi per roll, and customers are given the option of grabbing some sushi-to-go out of a refrigerated case or waiting for their sushi to be made to order. The menu is relatively limited. It does, however, …

Read more →

Bound in a straight jacket and spurred by an LSD trip, Hadie recalls her first meeting with Charlie Manson. “Have you ever made love to the son of God?” Manson asks, before the audience—11 brave souls in Oak Street Cinema for a midnight showing of Live Freaky! Die Freaky!—is assaulted by a puppet sex scene more gratuitous than anything in Team America: World Police. Two weeks later on a Saturday night across town, moviegoers massed outside the entrance to Uptown Theatre onto Hennepin Avenue, waiting in line at quarter to midnight to watch Johnny Depp’s ether induced hallucinations in …

Read more →

“I think [music] has a real impact on people’s lives—I’m still naïve enough to think that,” says John Zorn in a conversation with curator Phillip Bither at the Walker Art Center. Zorn, who has been making music on his own terms for 30 years, is far from naïve. In fact, he’s among the most revered people in the New York art community. On Feb. 17, John was in town for the Walker’s Zorn x 3, which featured a conversation with the musician, a performance by his band Electric Masada, and a unique film viewing experience.John Zorn is known primarily for …

Read more →

Rebel Stella’s long blonde dreads whip through the air as she collides with fellow RollerGirls jostling for position on a flat track in Roy Wilkins Arena. Announcer Scotty Cruz, clad in a Feather boa, relentlessly goads 3,200 fans to chant, “Faster, faster, kill kill kill!” as the Dagger Dolls battle the Rockits around the track. Even from the cheap-seats, obstructed view and all, Stella’s ferocity is as tangible as the hard plastic seat impaling my butt bone. Welcome to the roller derby, Minnesota-style. Today’s derby is a far cry from the choreographed fighting and pre-determined bouts of the ‘70s. The …

Read more →

Before I forget how it felt let me tell you:
the lightning rod entered the end of my nostril
and moved up my sinus like vine branches teething.
It stayed in my brain for a season, destroying
every room like a road-kill hotel flashing vacancy.
Then it fell under my thoughts like a wall cloud
and some kind of siren-throats howled in unison,
WOAAAO WOAA they knew it was building,
WOAAAO WOAA they howled in unison.
Under my earlobes a worm started growing;
it gnawed at my cortex like angel hairs burning.
An ash settled …

Read more →