The Wake

Dolphins will never be able to speak English, or any other human verbal language for that matter, but that doesn’t mean we won’t understand them anytime soon. Dolphins are incredibly intelligent animals that can communicate at least as well as any comatose college student early in the morning.Dolphins use two different acoustic forms of communication, echolocation and whistling. Dolphins use echolocation—very short bursts of low-frequency clicks—to figure out their surroundings. They blast these clicks in rapid speed through flapping folds of skin in their blowholes. The clicks bounce off their environments back to the dolphins, which receive the echoes through …

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We all know robots are going to take over the world. It’s simply a fact - tried and true. Someday, someone is going to make a machine that is so advanced, it realizes it can enslave us all, and that will be that. The obvious scenario for a robot-dominated planet is a human race that is kept immersed in a virtual existence, blissfully unaware of its own bondage. With creations like the PS3 Home, we are one step closer to happily plugging ourselves in and ignoring the woes of reality. We won’t even put up a fight.Unfortunately, nobody can …

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Land ownership is such a scam. Somebody takes a big plot of earth, cordons it off, and builds a giant eyesore, most likely another business campus or other breeding ground for the living dead. They feed off of the nectar of dirt covered in grass covered in concrete covered in plastic, wood, carpet, rubber, and particle board for a few years and then leave it to rot. But they don’t really leave. They set up security guards, signs, and protocols for those who dare to enter, warning them of laws set up to protect the grotesque, empty shell that they’ve …

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“Ethnic” buffets are a strange animal; on one hand they are a nice sampling of a restaurant’s signature dishes, but conversely, they don’t allow for tongue-raping spiciness. Buffets have to please as many people as possible, so they tend to be middle of the road when it comes to flavor.With that in mind, Little Taj Mahal is a quality Indian restaurant, based on its buffet.Walking into the Dinkydome, despite the bevy of other eateries, the aroma of spices coming from “Taj” makes tender, passionate love to your nostrils. Entering the tiny corner shop adorned with Indian décor, it’s hard …

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Take a look up and down the roster of the Gophers men’s hockey team this year and you’ll notice that all 25 players have one thing in common: each and every one of them is from Minnesota. Should we be surprised? After all, this is the “State of Hockey.”That motto should ring true to anyone who has attended a game at Mariucci Arena, which was ranked by Sports Illustrated this summer as the No. 8 college sports venue in the country. While that undoubtedly has a lot to do with the fact that Gopher men’s hockey has achieved far more …

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Beyond its delicious fully vegetarian menu and hearty French press coffee, Hard Times is a cross section of the depth and extent of Minneapolis individuality - a rough sketch of the people and style that compose the city’s charm. Located in the Cedar-Riverside neighborhood, Hard Times is the eye of the storm that is Minneapolis culture, a meeting ground and a refuge for anyone who needs somewhere to go. One only has to sit for a minute and listen to the caffeine fueled conversations to fully appreciate the diversity of its patrons. Students, bums, punks, hippies, suburbanites, hipsters, gangsters all …

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On a rainy Saturday afternoon in late September, an exhibit called “A Refugee Camp in the Heart of the City” is in the middle of its third day of operation in Loring Park. Describing the location as the heart of the city seems apt, considering that the historic park sits just west of downtown Minneapolis and nestles noisily between freeways I-94 and 394. Within the gated event, various professionals – from doctors to logisticians to public relations specialists – lead tours around a simulated refugee camp and answer questions from umbrella-carrying visitors.The workers are from an organization generally referred …

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Adrienne Nick listens to indie rock and has Beatles posters on her living room walls. Fairly commonplace, yet Nick is somewhat exceptional in her music tastes because she is active in bringing the bands she loves into town. Nick books concerts for the Whole Music Club, working under the Minnesota Programs and Activities Council, the same organization that runs Gophers After Dark and the movies at Coffman. Motivated by her desire to be involved in music, Nick began volunteering at the Whole her freshman year. The work she did was not exciting; she sold tickets and stamped hands, mostly. But …

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We have many names. We are “Generation Y”, the “Millenials”, the “Echo Boomers” and the “Internet Generation,” but the last of the bunch seems to be the one that defines us most often. To other generations, we are inexplicably linked with that network of computer networks that developed and grew as we did. From all the talk linking us with technology, you would think that we were born knowing how to type, our pudgy little fingers pounding the keys, or that we hesitantly blurted out “HTML” as our first word. With such a childhood, surely we must be at ease …

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During the two and one half weeks that the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME ) workers unions were on strike, I was working behind picket lines at the U of M Admissions office in Williamson Hall. At my job I perform clerical tasks typical of AFSCME’s 3800 union. These union members work in offices, entering data and processing transcripts. When word broke that union members were to go on strike the next week to protest the unfair contracts proposed by the U administration, I wondered what that would mean to me. I …

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Dear Uncle Ethan,
The other day on the way to the store, a cat ran in front of my car and I couldn’t stop in time. It didn’t make it, and now I can’t stop thinking about that poor creature. How do I forgive myself and move on?
GrievingDear Grieving,
This is God’s way of punishing you for masturbating. Stop.Dear Uncle Ethan,
I work with this really sweet guy, “Steve”, and have had a crush on him from day one. I’d flirt with him when I could, but nothing really happened until last weekend when I …

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Let’s say Jimi Hendrix rose from the grave for one last epic performance, and every legendary rock star was with him on stage. In this unprecedented show, tickets are free. Now imagine that someone decided to make the show 21+; it would be a travesty. I for one would hire a ninja to karate chop the bastard that thought it was a good idea: karate chop him hard.What is it about the 21st year of our existence on this Earth that so completely revamps our thought process? It’s the magic age in this country. …

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Beginning October 1st, 2007, the Minnesota State Legislature’s Freedom to Breathe Act has gone into effect, restricting the ability of tobacco smokers to breathe their distinctively carcinogenic air in most public places. As was the case before, all indoor government, public school, transportation, and health facilities prohibit smoking. In addition, all public restaurants, with the exception of those whose liquor sales exceed food sales, are now illegal to smoke in. The primary source of political controversy over this matter is the question of how it will affect restaurant owners’ revenues. Many feel that this new restriction will discourage smokers from …

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My primary concern with Usher’s new line of cologne, Usher, is that it’s self-titled. With a campaign slogan boasting its “undeniable masculinity with an underlying softness,” I feel like he should have attempted at a name. The smell is on point though. It’s familiar, but it’s got a unique smell after it’s settled in. I wouldn’t quite say fruity, but they weren’t kidding about the underlying softness, and I enjoy that. Unfortunately, I’d prefer not to tell people I was wearing “Usher.” Celebrity colognes should always offer that alternative route. If you’re embarrassed to be wearing certain celebrity cologne, but …

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Sometimes, packaging doesn’t lie and the fact that Grayshot’s latest EP, Waiting Days, comes in a startlingly white case embossed with Ikea-approved designs is not insignificant. You see, this Minneapolis duo makes the aural equivalent of their cover: bland, inoffensive, evocative of something good, yet ultimately unsatisfying.The problem is that Grayshot don’t really have an identity. Waiting Days sounds like the kind of “sweeping,” “operatic” pop music that has found a mainstream foothold in the wake of bands like Coldplay, Snow Patrol, and Keane, (two of which are referenced in the band’s bio) slickly produced and ready to be dropped …

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