The Wake

Boxing is for bone-headed lunatics. It is a barbaric sport for numb-minded imbeciles who release their aggression by fighting instead of doing something normal like playing Halo, football or beer pong. Even Rocky says, “You would be a moron to want to box.” So why do people subject themselves to torture in an imprisoned square where each person wallops the other for three minute intervals? “It is a way of conquering fear,” says Josh Murphy, sophomore sociology and criminal deviance major at the U. He has boxed for four months. “Once you get in that ring, it is pretty much two guys beating the shit out of each other. What in life can scare you after that?”

Murphy is so fearless in a recent job interview he had a puffy eye and cut lip from sparring the night before. “They probably thought I was in a street brawl,” Murphy says. He never explained why his face was beaten. One reason is the stigma people generally have about boxers and the misconceptions many people have about a sport they know little about.

Misconception #1: Boxing is Dangerous

OK, boxing is slightly more dangerous than wearing a $100 Polo Shirt and hitting a 9-iron. But compared to other contact sports is it really that dangerous? “You do get cut and bruised boxing, but it is like any other sport,” Murphy says. “You are going to get banged up in hockey, football or just about anything you do.” In boxing you must wear headgear until you become a professional. You must also wear a mouthpiece and a shirt to absorb sweat and dirt. Women must wear breast protectors. According to the National Safety Council’s 1996 report, amateur boxing had fewer injuries than hockey, soccer, gymnastics and in-line skating.

Misconception #2: Boxing is unhealthy.

Boxing provides a magnificent workout and is an effective way of losing weight. Murphy played football and basketball in high school and says “training for boxing has put me in the best shape of my life.” Since Murphy started boxing he has lost 28 pounds and is down to 165 pounds, the ideal weight for him to box.

Boxing also promotes a person to shy away from cigarettes and alcohol. “You can either smoke and get your ass-handed to you in the third round, or not smoke. It’s up to you,” Murphy says.

Misconception #3: Boxing takes no strategy

Boxing is more than swinging as hard as you can at your opponent. Murphy’s coach compares boxing to a chess match. Every punch and every block a boxer makes is orchestrated strategically to exploit his or her opponent, to put a boxer in the best position to win.

Places to Box:

I had always been interested in boxing, but too lazy and afraid to actually try it. Here is what my experience was like at two boxing gyms in the Twin Cities.

Uppercut Boxing, Minneapolis

Introductory Class: free

I went to Uppercut Boxing Gym to find out more about myself. I was a fighting virgin, and it was time I saw the light. When I first walked into Uppercut there was an overwhelming sound of smacking boxing gloves, random yelling and foul body odor. After I was shown where to wait for my introductory class I underwent a terrifying epiphany: Every single man and woman in this building could kick my ass. While receiving my revelation, a robust young lady covered in boxing attire walked up to me. Was she going to welcome me to her boxing gym? “Hey you,” she said sternly, her mean tough boxing eyes staring at me. “Next time don’t drag dirt in front of my locker.” I said sorry like a little wuss. I wanted to tell her to chill out, get off the roids and leave me alone. But once again I remembered—she could kick my ass.

Once the class started I felt comfortable. My group had nine people ranging from college students to middle-aged women. The first thing we learned was the basic boxing stance and how to hold your hands. Then we were taught the four typical punches in boxing: the jab, cross, hook and uppercut. The instructor of the class, Lisa Bauch, was also the founder and owner of the gym. She was blonde, about 5’7” and I was confident she could kick my ass in less than five seconds. After learning the basic moves, we were given boxing gloves and punch mitts. I was paired up with a 6-foot man who, for some reason, felt like his manhood was being challenged on every punch. He grunted loudly after every swing and a waterfall of sweat poured down his face after about 20 seconds. Of course, I couldn’t tell him to stop hitting me so hard. That would reveal the truth: that I am a weakling and a wuss. When it was my turn to punch, Bauch came over and readjusted my punching position. In a nice, subtle way she told me I was doing everything wrong and that I sucked at boxing. Overall, I had a good time and would recommend anyone interested to try. Most people in the introduction class suck so you don’t have to feel self-conscious about being bad.

Analysis: Serious atmosphere. Ideal for someone who wants to competitively box. Can also be used as a workout place, but it is expensive.

Gym Rates:

Single class after introduction class: $20
Six Classes $75 auto withdrawal $70
One Month Unlimited $128 auto withdrawal $117
Three Months Unlimited $320
Six Months Unlimited $585
One Year Unlimited $1070

West Side Boxing, Eden Prairie

Introductory Class: free

West Side boxing is nestled in the middle of suburbia, meaning the clientele is different than at Uppercut. Most boxers are high school age boys and girls, some college students, and some older persons. When I first arrived at West Side, I immediately received one-on-one assistance in the proper boxing stance and the four basic punches. After, I participated in drills with the regular boxers. I was matched up with a short, blonde girl about 17 years old and we continuously boxed at three-minute intervals for an entire hour. After doing drills everyone united in a circle and did pushups and sit-ups for ten minutes and then practice was over.

Analysis: West Side Boxing has a relaxed atmosphere and is a great place for someone who may be intimidated by more serious gyms. Many of its members are looking for a good workout, not necessarily to box competitively.

Gym Rates:

Single Class: $15
Monthly one class per week $49 Autopay $44
Monthly Unlimited $90 Autopay $75
Registration fee of $39 includes: Hand wraps, mouth guard and a white West Side boxing shirt.