The Wake

The snow is melting, the sun is staying out longer, a guy playing Jesus pretends to be crucified then rises from the dead minutes later as a pastor reads passion scripture. It must be spring, which means it’s time to get a few things off my chest.

Well, really just one thing, but it gets me so mad that it feels like a few things. I’m talking about Tony Oliva and the hall of fame veterans committee’s inability to dislodge their collective heads from their asses. Once again, Tony O was snubbed from baseball’s hall of fame.

How does one get selected to the hall of fame, you ask. Well, it’s pretty simple. First, the baseball writers of America vote for who they think is deserving of the honor. This year, they chose Wade Boggs and Ryne Sandberg. All those other punks that didn’t get picked, sit around for a few years until no one votes for them anymore. Then they are transported to a different selection committee: the veterans committee. These 80 members then pick anyone of these rejects to be in the hall. Wait… that isn’t simple at all.

The trick is, a person such as Tony O needs to get 75 percent of the veterans committee’s vote to be inducted. This year, no one received 75 percent, so no one was selected.

Is it any wonder? I never saw the guy play, but his stats speak alone. As a career .304 hitter, Oliva won three batting titles, was a golden glove winner, and was an eight-time all-star. All in only 11 full seasons of baseball (15 total). Is it just me or is it becoming a bit ridiculous that year after year people like me are forced to vent their frustration with naughty words in a magazine?

Thankfully, I have a solution. Baseball needs a chief of common sense, and I suggest that yours truly be appointed. I would start by putting Tony O in the hall. Or, an even better and more realistic solution, stop being unrealistic in the selection process.

The way it’s set up, it’s nearly impossible for anyone to be selected by the veterans committee, which is a crying shame. You would be hard pressed to sit down everyone one of those members and not find 75 percent that thought Tony O was deserving of Cooperstown glory. With all these rejected players to choose from, the committee spans their votes across a handful of deserving players, and therefore no one is selected.

I guess my second duty as chief of common sense is to rework this silly system. But then again, it is Major League Baseball. And it just wouldn’t be right if something in Major League Baseball actually made sense, and wasn’t completely screwed up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some steroids to take.