Never fear: Original author names will be restored as the site progresses. For now, our archives are published under the author named, "Archived Story."
There is a man who lives in Elliot Park. 622 16th St. A fine house. The man’s name is Melchior Scheldrup, of Norwegian descent. The year is 1894 and he works as the local pharmacist. One day Mr. Scheldrup gets out of bed, has breakfast and heads off to work. His pharmacy is only a couple of blocks away, on East 14th Street. He can stroll there easily, as most people do, to …
I know it might seem a little tardy of me to be breaking out my top-ten list of do’s and don’ts on how to date a Chemical Engineer now, after the romance of midterms and Homecoming. But this advice is worth the wait. Let’s not even narrow the field that much; this list not only applies to Chemical Engineers, but to anyone who has taken introductory-level physics by choice. My previous rants about the stress …
University economics professor Leonid Horwicz recently received the Nobel Prize for lifelong work in his field, but no one seems to know why. Is Horwicz’s theory too esoteric for the Average Joe, or is the media deciding that Horwicz’s work isn’t important? According to professor Narayana Kocherlakota, head chair of the University of Minnesota economics department, the basis of Horwicz’s theory is not only simple, it is essential to understanding what people will do in …
Let me preface this by warning anyone whose reaction to this review would be, “If this game is so realistic, why don’t you go out and actually skateboard?” Would you say the same thing if I was talking about a first-person shooter? The purpose of a video game is entertainment, challenge and (hopefully) stimulation. Video games are not meant to operate as a flimsy substitute for reality.Alright, onto the meat: the first couple Tony Hawk …
Mai Na Lee’s earliest memories are of school. Living with her mother and older brother in a village in Laos, Lee spent her time playing around the village’s open-walled schoolhouse, watching her brother lead other students through lessons. He was the best in the class and she looked up to him.Unfortunately, Lee was too young for school. Hmong tradition dictated that school-age children must be able to wrap an arm over their head and touch …
Many people consider American football to be a barbaric sport. I can’t imagine why. The players wear full pads, there are rules designed to protect the quarterbacks and kickers, and there’s an infraction for “unnecessary roughness.” You’ll have to excuse rugby players if they roll their eyes at the notion that football is the only brutal sport played on this campus.The Gophers men’s rugby team has been around since 1968. It is a club sport, …
Africa is fascinating, mainly for its relative mystery to us in the western world. We are so far removed from the culture that a trip to the West Bank can sometimes serve as a miniature culture shock.Stepping out of the car on 6th St., I was greeted by a myriad of men and women chattering in Somali and other foreign languages. I turned onto Cedar Ave., then into Tam-Tam’s African Restaurant – a safe haven …
If you’re reading The Wake, chances are the government has already tapped your phones and is currently digging through your emails, trying to collect enough evidence to break out some “enhanced interrogation techniques” on your ass. With the Patriot Act in place and working splendidly (terrorism-free since 2001!), and legions of super spies equipped with high-tech gadgetry spanning the globe, the American people can rest assured that the government knows what it’s doing. Between Team …
I recently witnessed things that no American should ever see.President Bush was eating Keith Olberman’s face off. Then he and Bill O’Reilly sodomized Olberman’s lifeless corpse as O’Reilly yelled, “Oh yeah bitch! I’m gonna cut your mike so hard!” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had gag balls in their mouths while they were being whipped by Vice President Cheney in front of Congress. I even saw Stephen Colbert …
Words are interesting in that if you say them enough, they lose all meaning. When certain phrases are repeated endlessly, they eventually end up as configurations of letters held in vacuum with no context to give them weight or meaning. To wit: what the hell is Islamo-Fascism? It’s an important question given that October 22-26 was “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week” (IFAW) and, believe it or not, our campus was a “participant.”IFAW is the brainchild of David …
Any college student who loves to play videogames wants an Xbox 360. They also want a Nintendo Wii. Some of the more affluent students just might want a Playstation 3. Myself, I want all three. When I heard about this website RadioFreeXbox.com, I thought it was too good to be true. I was driving to school when an ad for it came on the radio, complete with the standard testimonials from people who I can …
In the middle of the night in a dark parking lot in the Cedar-Riverside neighborhood, I recently shouted at a complete stranger that I was going to rob him. My actual words were, “Man, I’ll rob your ass!” In a way, I wanted to mean it, although I have never robbed anyone in my life and do not plan to. In order to explain my vicious threat in the dark of night, I need to …
I believe that my Halloween roots were much like any other child’s. There are photographs of me in costumes I don’t recall wearing, with other children I don’t know. I remember that my aunt and uncle would bring us to Edina to trick-or-treat, where they handed out the king-sized candy bars. I know that I was an angel, a rabbit, a Kirsten doll, a clown, and a pumpkin. My elementary school had a Halloween parade …
Dear Uncle Ethan,I’m a TA for an intro anatomy course and I’m in a bit of a pickle. I have a bit of a crush on one of the students in my lab section. I’m not too worried about the age gap (it’s small); It’s the ethics of dating a student that I’m concerned about. I know student-professor relationships are explicitly forbidden, but I haven’t heard anything regarding TAs. Thoughts?
-Extra …
Our beloved Dinkytown; the hot spots are too numerous to count. From a hung-over morning at Al’s Breakfast, to a drunken stupor into Mesa’s pizza, or a custom “waterpipe” from the Hideaway, it’s a fine tradition. When it comes to the matter of evening date activities, is there any competition? The Varsity Theater, on any given night, can be your sure shot option. With its comfortable interior and diverse lineup of acts, you’re likely to …