The Best Haute Meals for After Bar Close

Culinary experiences to be enjoyed after 2 a.m.

Whether your night out consisted of one too many vodka sodas at the bar or slamming back numerous beers at the nearest fraternity soirée, you’re bound to develop a large appetite from your rigorous nightly festivities of walking, drinking, dancing, yelling too loudly, and drinking some more. To assist in the journey of finding the best late-night bites, I have compiled a list below that Minneapolis locals swear by, with most options focusing specifically on the elegantly historical Dinkytown area.

Illustrator: Stevie Lacher

An emerging favorite this past year, Frank and Andrea Pizza, seems to have taken the place of Mesa Pizza, which always had a bustling crowd last year in the late hours with specialties like its decadent macaroni and cheese pizza. Now, at Frank and Andrea, you’ll find a line out the door to purchase the self-proclaimed “Biggest Slice in the Minni-apple,” with popular slices such as the classic Pepperoni and Sausage, Chicken Alfredo, and Hawaiian Chicken Bacon Ranch, for those who agree with the pineapple on pizza argument. Should its large, dispensable container of ranch be refrigerated? Most customers would say so, but brush off this minor detail because the sauces are offered for free. A source has confirmed that she once dropped her pizza face down into the leaves, but still ate it afterwards because it is “that much of a delicacy.” Get yourself a water cup and fill it with fountain soda instead, and your drunken meal is complete.

For an option closer to home, if you happen to be a freshman or frequent at Stub and Herbs or Sally’s, Toppers may be the place for you. Conveniently situated right next to Sally’s Saloon—a bar whose line is longer than most relationships and boasts a rowdy environment full of students who greatly admire tequila shots and odd electric-blue-colored drinks—this pizza joint is the perfection destination to buy a whole pizza or box of topperstix while making your Uber driver wait far too long. Other delicious options in the area include Sally’s own jalapeno cheese curds or Raising Cane’s, both exquisite choices to soak up the excess intake of liquids from the night.

Sally’s Saloon—a bar whose line is longer than most relationships and boasts a rowdy environment full of students who greatly admire tequila shots and odd electric-blue-colored drinks

The highly acclaimed D.P. Dough has taken an alternative route in the form of calzones. This clever idea of stuffing baked bread with cheese to form it into finger food is utterly genius and perfect for a drunken meal since it does not involve the additional risk of forks and knives. With a location in the middle of the beauty of fraternity row and across from Folwell Hall on East Bank to remind you of all the school responsibilities you have ignored for the time being, it is the ideal restaurant to make a stop at while making the tedious trek home. Ask for the Mac Daddy Zone, Cheeseburger Zone, or BBQ Chicken Zone to enlighten your taste buds to something they have not yet experienced.

Hoping to dine in? There are plenty of legitimate dining options for that as well! If you are looking for a meal that is “freaky fast” then ring Jimmy Johns, and they will be at your door as fast as possible with a sandwich you probably could have made yourself in the meantime.

Another amazingly tasty option would be ordering your favorite dish from Shuang Cheng’s menu, which feels as if it goes on for thirty pages before you go out; this way you can refrigerate it and have your food all ready when the night ends, which is incredibly smart if you ask anyone.

None of this is to your liking? Home cooked meals are always a safe bet after feeling slightly intoxicated. Go back to the basics and make classic meals such as nachos smothered in a copious amount of cheese, ramen noodles, pizza rolls made in the microwave and not the oven, popcorn, or plain pasta. For a warning, make sure to wake your sleeping roommates to entertain you so as not to fall asleep while your food is cooking.

Wherever you decide to spend your time and money on post-night-out grub, Dinkytown has some incredibly delectable dining options to curb your appetite and end your night right.