Why the Grinch is a Woke Realist and the Whos of Whoville are Self-Serving Assholes

Exploring the untapped subtexts of Dr. Seuss’ beloved Christmastime story

The Whos of Whoville need to shut up.

The point is this: the Grinch is woke as fuck, and the Whos of the Max Ernst-inspired dystopian purgatory that is Whoville are illiberal plebeians.

For instance, the Grinch—while lambasting the many transgressions of Who-society and their Christian practices—refers to the “Who roast beast” as a dish he cannot “stand in the least.” Why? Because the Grinch is, in fact, a vegan.

Who-livestock production is among the chief stressors on Who-ecosystems worldwide, churning out inexorable amounts of anthropogenic greenhouse gases into the Who-osphere while committing mass murder against biodiversity and a fleeting supply of freshwater.

FURTHERMORE, Who-capitalists desperate for ever-vanishing plots of arable land to exploit for Who-beast grazing have turned to mass deforestation, perpetuating this crime past a point of no return. Ultimately, the unassailable Who-beast-centric diets practiced by the Whos of Whoville are only amplifying the planet’s descent into the Holocene extinction, a global biogeographical apocalypse triggering the extinction of upwards of 140,000 species every Who-year, the highest rate since an era long before the Whos of Whoville first roamed the earth.

Another note: the Grinch has prudently chosen to settle his home 3,000 feet above Whoville at the summit of Mt. Crumpit.

A study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Who-Health underscored a slew of health benefits offered to those who live at higher elevations. Among them were considerably lower chances of developing obesity, lung cancer, and heart disease and routinely longer and more satisfying lives. The Grinch, therefore, is not merely a pea-green Grendel-esque misanthropic recluse, but a thoughtful denizen of the natural world mindful of his physical and psychological well-being.

In the end, though, the Whos of Whoville feign anti-capitalist propaganda in order to brainwash the Grinch into selling his soul to become a carnivorous egomaniac like the rest of the reckless