Presidential Candidates or Preschoolers?

The behavioral overlap is striking

It’s a rough world out there on the mean, wood-chipped streets of the playground, but we like to think that when we grow up, we get to leave it all behind. No more temper tantrums, no more name-calling, no more screaming “IT WASN’T ME” when the missing cookie is clearly in your sticky, pudgy little hands. Unfortunately, not everyone graduates preschool, leaving their childlike ways on the playground. Sometimes, grown-ups dressed in fancy suits still act like preschoolers. Most people call them politicians.

Here are a few times our current presidential candidates have reverted to their pre-k ways. Disclaimer: there was far more material to talk about for a special certain candidate, but hey, some babies are just bigger than others.

Ted Cruz

Let us not forget the time Ted Cruz read “Green Eggs and Ham” aloud to the Senate during his filibuster for the Affordable Care Act. Who knew Dr. Seuss’ biggest fan was a god-fearing Texan who doesn’t believe in climate change? In Cruz’s defense, stranger things have happened on the Senate floor.

Hillary Clintonclintonbaby

If I had a dollar every time HRod pulled the “Well, Obama trusted me enough to make me secretary of state” card, I might actually be able to afford college. She reminds me of the kid you loved to hate who always bragged about their bigger lunch, richer dad, or fancier vacation. Clinton has a point, though: Obama having your back is worth some bragging points.

Sometimes, grown-ups dressed in fancy suits still act like preschoolers. Most people call them politicians.

Bernie Sanders

Every time Sanders interrupts Clinton during debates, he reminds me of that kid who got too fired up about certain topics, like lincoln logs or Bob the Builder, that he cut you off every time. But in Sanders’ defense, affordable education is certainly something worth “feeling the Bern” for.

Donald Trumptrumpbaby

When Anderson Cooper asked Trump about his motives for targeting Heidi Cruz, he responded, “Ok, but I didn’t start it!” To which Cooper shot down, “I’m sorry, but that’s the argument of a five-year-old.”

And who says bullying and name-calling is just for kids? Trump tantalized Cruz with my personal favorite burn of the campaign trail. “He’s like a baby—a soft, weak little baby.”

When you’re five and/or Donald Trump, sentence structure is non-existent. “My uncle… good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!” That may be the longest run-on sentence I’ve ever read, but in Trump’s defense, words are hard.