Today I was sitting on the couch reading Beowulf when the left lens popped out of my glasses and fell onto my crotch. I plucked that oval of glass off of myself and tried to shove it back into its frame, but upon examination I found that the frame had snapped a little bit above the nosepiece. I tried to superglue it back together, but the glue wouldn’t hold, so then I tried to tape the lens back in using bright orange tape, but my girlfriend made fun of me and then stole the glasses and hid them so I had to go put my contacts in to finish Beowulf.

The moral of the story:

There was no pressure of any kind being applied to my glasses, so what the fuck?