To The Guy Who Sat Behind Me At The 9:30 Showing Of Burn After Reading At The Coffman Memorial Union, 1/23/09

Dear Douchebag,

When, as the credits ran, you said, “Nothing happened in that movie! They figured out how to make a movie where nothing happens! They made a movie about nothing! Absolutely nothing happened in that movie!” and other variations on the same theme for approximately five minutes without stopping to take a breath, it probably should’ve occurred to you that you are stupid, and should stop saying things in public.

Because: Quite A Few Things Happened In That Movie.

Okay.

Much love,
Deniz

[editor's note: we take no legal responsibility for deniz's inflammatory statements, but we'd love some controversy as long as it drums up readership]