The Wake

I love Mariah Carey and I don’t care who knows it. To me, she’s an illustration of the world’s future as a single-race populace. I can picture her sleeping with someone of any ethnicity, creed, belief or religion, and for whatever reason, I take comfort in that.

But her recent video, “Touch My Body,” is unsettling to me. She plays her usual prostitute/pop star persona perfectly, tempting the tech guy (the brilliant Jack McBrayer) when he comes to fix her computer. I mean, she answers the door in lingerie; nobody does that unless they’re planning on getting laid.

For the remainder of the video Mariah and the Nerd go through a series of playful and sexual frolics involving unicorns, fluffy beds, and Laser Tag. You can really feel the romance in the air.

But by the end, Jack McBrayer wakes up to find it was all a dream. Of course, Mariah Carey’s booty is way too high real estate for tech support. I understand that in America (and likely the rest of the world) the geek will never get the star. But do we really have to flaunt it, Mariah? It would have been so much better, and so much more with the spirit of the video of it would’ve turned out to be Mariah’s daydream. But, with her self-absorption, it had to be the nerd’s fantasy.

Mariah, I always thought of you as a temptress, but your track record led me to believe that maybe there was a glimmer of altruism between your ears and legs. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s hopeless.

You’re all sick.

Tags: Jack McBrayer, Mariah Carey, Music Video, Sexual Frolics