The Wake

On the east side of downtown Minneapolis, a large black insect crawled during Saturday dusk. With cockroach and crab-like features, the mammoth pest paced with the sluggish rate of a tortoise. Perhaps it had had better days.

“Damn, what the fuck is that?” asked a confused twenty-something football fan.

“I don’t even know,” said a drunken college student on his way to the Gate C entrance of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome.

“It’s a water-beetle!” said a middle-aged woman walking up the same entrance.

The vermin’s likelihood of being stomped by football fans on their way to Minnesota’s Big Ten conference opener was similar to the Gophers’ likelihood of being stomped by the Purdue Boilermakers.

The Minnesota Golden Gopher football tradition is almost as old as the state itself, dating back to 1882. The team has had a substantial history filled with many eras of legacy. Coach Bernie Bierman is legendary for helping the Gophers achieve five national championship titles in the 1930s and ‘40s. Under the direction of Murray Warmath, the Gophers won their first and only Rose Bowl title in 1962. Throughout the years they have won six national championships, received 18 conference titles, and played in 12 bowl games.

But periods of slumps have been just as frequent during the team’s 125-year existence. Last year they were infamous for blowing every decent chance they got (anyone remember the 2006 Insight Bowl?). So far this fall they have made an unexciting start. Their current record is 1-3. Troubled with a lackluster offense and a new big-mouthed head coach the Gophers’ recent plight was evident in the Metrodome during the September 22 conference opener.

“Fire Brewster!” one angry drunk fan shouted repeatedly, referring to Head Coach Tim Brewster.

“We’re going to the Rose Bowl, all right,” said another sarcastically, alluding to Brewster’s similar (but non-sarcastic) comments earlier in the year.

The conference opener’s most exciting moment came before it even started, when the Gophers were introduced with exploding fireworks, marching band music and loud audience cheer.

But firework mist was still in the air when Purdue’s Desmond Tardy ran a kickoff return for a 95-yard touchdown, quickly quieting the crowd’s initial enthusiasm.

Many of the college football attendees in the student section were quick to forget about the first-play mistake and continued cheering Minnesota on. Then Purdue scored again. After the second Boilermaker touchdown, Gopher quarterback Adam Weber fumbled the ball on his own 17-yard line, which gave Purdue more points through a field goal kick.

The biggest disappointment of the night was cornerback Jamal Harris’ would-be touchdown during the first-half’s last minute. Purdue attempted a field goal kick that was blocked and picked up by Harris, who darted toward the other end zone with no one near him. Everything was looking well until Harris somehow fumbled the ball on the Boilermaker’s 13-yard line, turning the audience’s cheers into loud, heated boos.

Fans responded coldly: One “What the FUCK?!” after another, followed by various “How does this shit EVEN HAPPEN!?” and “No FUCKING way!” comments. During the uproar, the stadium’s large monitor zoomed in on an upset college student with his hands free in the air and an angry, confused look on his face. Half of the students left after the embarrassing mistake, anxious to escape from Gopher football reality.

Yet opposite the student section sat families and older fans, disappointed yet still willing to stand up and clap and show their support for a team faced with many problems.

After the game older fans could be heard in the light rail station conversing about the team:
“It would have been a good game if they didn’t make them dumb mistakes,” an older fan said. “We really just beat ourselves.”
“How did Harris fumble on that run?” the man next to him asked.
“He was too worried about the guy behind him. In that situation you oughta only think about scoring. Worrying about them guys behind you will get you nowhere.”
“[Gopher wide receiver Erik] Decker had a good game though,” a woman added while looking on the bright side.

Perhaps Gopher fans will have to watch former players now in the pros to be satisfied with football this year. Dallas Cowboys running back Marion Barber, a former Gopher, has rushed 256 yards and scored five touchdowns in the first three games of the season, helping the Cowboys remain undefeated. New England’s running back Laurence Maroney, another former Gopher, might have a chance to play in this year’s Super Bowl if the analysts’ predictions about the Patriots’ reign are right.

Whatever happens, Golden Gopher fans will likely continue to expect disappointment and letdown, with hopefully a few good moments in the season, for the rest of the college football year.