The Wake

Each September during the first week of school, a few thousand freshmen pack Northrop Auditorium for Convocation. The event gives first-year students a warm welcome and a grand introduction to the University. University President Bob Bruininks speaks, students learn the Minnesota Rouser and the marching band brings the show to a climactic close. “It was empowering,” says first year attendee Bobby Halperin about this year’s ceremony.

But let’s get serious. The real reason for going to Convocation has nothing to do with the ceremony itself and everything to do with what comes after the march to Coffman Memorial Union: hot dogs, cheeseburgers and cold beverages. Yes, it’s all free.

“I mostly came for the food,” says freshman Laura Petersen. “I don’t really even remember what [Bob Bruininks] said in his speech.”

These sentiments were echoed by almost everyone in the backyard of Coffman, where hundreds sat to enjoy their meals while being entertained by various student music groups. “[The ceremony] was really dumb, but I don’t mind because now I get to have a delicious meal at no expense,” said undergraduate Paige Calhoun.

OK, so this food isn’t exactly top of the line. In fact, it may not even be up to the standards of UDS. But there is something about the concept of “free food” that rings so well with college students that, to most, a handed-out bag of peanuts is a thousand times more satisfying to devour than a paid-for filet mignon at Manny’s Steakhouse.

Not surprisingly, many shady upperclassmen took advantage of the University’s kind gesture to freshmen. “I’m not supposed to be here,” said junior Caitlin McNamara. “But I came for the food.”

Some of the volunteers greeting students apparently knew overage eaters would be a problem, as they used clever tactics to trick them into admitting their ages. One volunteer engaged in small talk with a few older-looking girls in an attempt to warm them up and then chose just the right moment to slyly pose the question, “So what are you guys, juniors?” “Ye – I mean no,” they replied, realizing they’d been caught off guard. A close call.

Aside from the illegal upperclassmen and the speeches and ceremony, Convocation was once again a success this year. When asked about the event, President Bruininks said, “We must have had close to 4,000 students come out. That number has increased every year since we started Convocation six years ago. The marching band really ended tonight’s ceremony on a ‘high note.’”

I hate to say it, but that increase in attendees surely has more to do with the free food than your awful puns, Bob.