The Wake

I know it might seem a little tardy of me to be breaking out my top-ten list of do’s and don’ts on how to date a Chemical Engineer now, after the romance of midterms and Homecoming. But this advice is worth the wait. Let’s not even narrow the field that much; this list not only applies to Chemical Engineers, but to anyone who has taken introductory-level physics by choice. My previous rants about the stress and strain of loving a nerd evolved when I couldn’t remember the point of “dating” anymore. But good things can come not only from becoming friends with a science-y type of a guy, but eventually waking up next to one, too.

The following are suggestions from my arduous–and sometimes fun–years dating the one and only Boyfriend:

10. DON’T make your science-y date dinner. They have very little time, and often need to take abrupt phone calls from various lab mates and group members, so it’s best to grab a sandwich somewhere that cellular devices are permitted. If you’re dying to bring out the candles and cloth napkins, keep it simple – something like macaroni and cheese – because these types are usually too sleep deprived to be wielding a knife.

9. DON’T be a daredevil. Chemical engineers, and other overworked loose cannons, hardly need any more adrenaline pumping through their bodies! Things like sky diving, roller coasters, even bumper cars just might push them over the edge. Try knitting.

8. DO cancel on your scientist for a night with the girls. He will be eternally grateful for those four extra hours to calculate data spreadsheets, and you’ll be able to get your groove on to some Ludacris without feeling unintelligent.

7. DON’T ask to meet his friends. They’re likely more awkward then he is, and often need a shower.

6. DO shamelessly ask for help with your astronomy homework. He’ll get a kick out of making easy math look easy, and you can take a nap. You may have to help with the pronunciation of adverbs that show up in your textbook, like “especially.” Scientists don’t have time for grammar.

5. DON’T plan a weekend getaway. Homework will always take priority, regardless of hotel reservations, holidays, tears, or bodily injury. Assignments will never be completed early, so a hiking trip to Duluth ain’t gonna fly unless your pack can carry a lab manual and a fifteen-pound Dell Inspiron.

4. DON’T expect “just because” flowers. He would love to surprise you with a bouquet, but between a trip to the florist and cramming for three five-hour midterms, you will always lose. Buy yourself a bunch from the farmers market.

3. DO listen to him when he tells you about how huge Avogadro’s number is. That shit is pretty cool.

2. DO give him a chance to make up the not-getting-you-flowers thing, because a nerd can design a crystallization process that will manufacture rubies for you.

1. DON’T give up–a scientist can be a really great catch. Really.