The Wake

Least likely phrase heard coming from Tim Pawlenty’s office:
“Man, I gots to be fiscally conservative!”

Least likely thing heard in a National Enquirer meeting:
Wait a second – why are we calling him ‘Jacko’?

Best way to start a post-winter break conversation:
“OK, so I was at Senor Frogs, right?”

Dinkytown establishment most likely to be haunted by the pissed-off ghost of Bob Dylan:
Bobby Z’s

Least popular American value: ABSTINENCE

Least popular winter vacation spot: IRAQ

Best career move for Tom Cruise after The Last Samurai?
Playing the title role in feature film, Chairman Mao

Best name for a Christmas tree: Piney

Last thing Dinkytown needs more of: Hair salons.
Honorable mention: Asian-food restaurants

Best replacement mascot if Goldy Gopher dies in a freak accident:
Michael Moore

Best fictitious drink special:
Four-4-ones!