Another autumn. The time of year when Rush Limbaugh skips down Fourth Street wearing fishnet stockings and thigh-high black boots with eight-inch stiletto heels as he tries to lure unsuspecting freshmen into his lair of conservative love. The lair supposedly contains stripper poles, a 71-inch TV on a continuous Fox News loop, George W. blowup dolls with kung-fu grip, and Ann Coulter in chains.

But autumn is not the sweetest time of year because of that. What could be good about Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh in a sex dungeon?

Autumn is great because of football. Fans have been itchin’ and scratchin’ for the beloved pigskin to come back. They have been going down to the corner and “accidentally” bumping into the dealer just to strike up a conversation which then “accidentally” steers toward: “Hey, football season is just around the corner. …”

Then they ask for crank.

This autumn, Golden Gophers fans should be none too happy, psyched, jazzed, or even content.

Instead of going his usual, patented route of playing glorified Division 1-AA teams and starting the season 4-0, getting the alumni’s hopes up, Glen Mason scheduled good, competent teams to play. Teams that don’t have quarterbacks pissing down their right leg and crying for Mama when they step onto that hallowed Metrodome turf. Teams with coaches who order their linebackers dope up with huge amounts of performance-enhancing steroids, giving them the size and speed of Humvees.

The Gophers are used to starting the season against nice, wholesome teams that would congratulate them after yet another tacked-on touchdown in the 4th quarter, which would make the score 212-17.

“Oh, good show, Laurence. You truly are a king. May I please have your autograph, sir? Just sign it: To Bob, my best amigo, accountant, and friend. Look out, extra point coming through.”

This year, Mason scheduled an away game at a Top-15 school, The University of California, which has been climbing the college football ladder for the past few years after they developed envy from being in USC’s shadow. Cal has NFL talent in their receiver, defensive line and a running back that is being stalked on Facebook by every single NFL scout. Cal will do to the Gophers what Vesuvius did to … uh … shit.

That is after the Gophers trampled Kent State, 44-0. So the Gophers will be 1-1 with Temple heading into the Metrodome, ready to walk on coals toward the Gopher’s second win. I guess Glen didn’t do too badly in scheduling cheap, easy wins this season. Who knew that Temple even had a football team?

All right, so the Gophers are hypothetically 2-1 going into Purdue. Well, Minnesota doesn’t win on the road. It doesn’t happen, ever. Two-2. Then Michigan and Penn State come to the Dome. Is anyone thinking those are wins? Yeah. So they’re 2-4 heading into Wisconsin. Wisconsin is on a down year, but it’s in Wisconsin. Two wins, five losses. Then North Dakota State’s impressive 27-man roster comes to town ready to hand over win No. 3 on a golden platter. Mason can bring that hollow win to banquets and show off to all the ready, willing and able boosters.

The Gophers are 3-5 heading into a real football school, Ohio State University. OSU is a team that knows how to put its players in a position to win. Take Maurice Clarett, a kid who only had one year to play football; some missionary commitment or something prevented him from playing more than one year. Anyway, Jim Tressel got the best out of Clarett, a championship. No one has heard much about Maurice since his one year of eligibility. I wonder where he is now. Oh, and Ohio State won by an embarrassingly large margin.

The team will be 3-6 with Indiana’s pathetic example of a football team schlepping into the Dome, 4-6. The Gophers then travel to Michigan State and follow that up with Iowa at home. The combined total stats for Drew Stanton (Michigan State QB) and Drew Tate (Iowa QB) in those games will be: 1,163 passing yards, 21 passing touchdowns, 439 rushing yards and 12 rushing touchdowns.

Final record: 4 wins and 8 losses. There you go ladies and gentlemen, the 2006 Minnesota Golden Gophers. That means Mason is making $412,500 per victory this year.

Everyone knows the old phrase “practice makes perfect.” It was pounded into our heads by parents, coaches and teachers when we were young. But today, it seems like practice just isn’t enough. Some athletes are turning to a much more dangerous and risky method to help them obtain their goals — steroids.

Drug enforcement officials have been at war with steroids for ages. But surprisingly, some sports are under fire more than others. If you enjoy a round of golf or like to play tennis every now and then, have no fear. You will probably be skimmed over when it comes to drug testing.

During the 2004-05 championship season, 109 football students from Division One colleges across the country were tested for steroid use, according to the NCAA drug reports. Compare that number to the measly eight golfers that were tested and it is easy to see that football players are targeted. Mary Wilfert, NCAA Associate Director of Health and Safety, says that ever since the NCAA started drug testing athletes yearround in 1990, football players have been at high risk for steroid use. And surprisingly, it took nearly 15 years for the NCAA to find out that drug use was happening in other sports. “The NCAA began drug testing in other sports in 2004,” Wilfert says. “But the testing was designed to maintain a heavier presence in football programs since research indicated that football students were still reporting high use of steroids.”

So why are some athletes using more steroids than others? Dave Schueller, Assistant Director of strength and conditioning at the U, says that it just depends on what sport you’re in.

“Tennis and golf players are more focused on hand-eye coordination rather than huge muscles,” Schueller says. “Those athletes really have no reason to dope.” However, football and baseball players are looking for strength and speed. “Football players seem to have the ‘bigger is better’ mentality,” Schueller says. “A lot of them look at body building magazines or see body building competitions on TV and think ‘I want to look like that.’ ” What’s more, Schueller believes that some coaches, whether they mean to or not, put pressure on athletes to get big fast. It is this line of thinking that pushes student-athletes to abuse steroids.

“A lot of coaches have an old school mentality,” Schueller says. “They want their athletes to do whatever it takes to win.” It is important to know that there are other ways to increase muscle mass besides using drugs. “Be consistent in the weight room, practice proper nutrition and use the right recovery techniques,” Schueller says. With a little hard work and rest, you can’t go wrong.

The NCAA targets certain sports for drug use, but college students are the least of the problem. Instead of student-athletes professional atheletes are most often put in the spotlight.

Take the sport of cycling for example. Before the Tour de France started this year, cyclists Ivan Basso, 2005 runner-up and Jan Ullrich, 1997 winner were forced out of competition because of steroids. However, American cyclist and Tour de France winner Floyd Landis is at the center of the latest cycling scandal. And because of the recent accusations about Landis and doping, the sport of cycling is in a sad place.

The Tour de France is said to be the most grueling and challenging bike race in the world. The race lasts for three weeks with only two designated rest days and, within those three weeks, the bikers ride a total of 2,272 miles. Daniel Coyle, a writer for The New York Times, compared the Tour to running a marathon every day for 21 days straight. So it is no surprise that when Landis reached stage 17 during this year’s Tour, he was exhausted, sore and in desperate need of recovery.

Everyone has their own opinion about what Landis did to raise his testosterone level to nearly three times the allowed amount. Maybe his body can produce testosterone at a surprisingly high rate, maybe some doctors purposely spiked his drug test. Or, what seems to be the more popular opinion, maybe Landis took steroids the night before the 17th stage to help his muscles recover.

“If there is a testosterone increase in the body, then the speed at which the muscles fatigue will decrease,” says Andrew Rosch, president of the U’s cycling club. “In other words, the more testosterone you have in your body, the less sore you will be.” With that in mind, it makes sense that Landis would want to take the drugs.

“A ton of pro cyclists dope,” Rosch says. “I even think that Lance Armstrong was doping.” And if the top bicyclists in the world are using steroids, there aren’t many idols left to look up to. “Doping is really ruining the sport of cycling right now,” Rosch says. “All of our heroes are on drugs.”

Steroid use in professional cycling may be popular, but on the collegiate level doping is not a common trend. “College cycling is a very small step on the road to becoming a pro,” Rosch says. “I have never heard of a college cyclist using steroids.”

So why are professional cyclists doping while collegiate bikers aren’t? Maybe everyone is a little smarter than the pros, but more likely, college bikers simply don’t need to. “We don’t receive money or prizes if we win a race,” Rosch says. “So there isn’t a whole lot of pressure to dope,” Rosch says. Compare that with the 400,000 euros, or roughly $500,000 that the winner of the Tour de France takes home. Add in money from sponsors and there is no comparison in the differences between the value of the races.

Professionals may feel more pressure to perform than the everyday college athlete, but that might not be the whole story. There is a high potential that they will be caught through drug testing and end up with consequences larger than losing. It might be smarter in the end to abide by the “practice makes perfect” rule.

Now that school is finally over, most students have begun to steer their minds away from campus life and into the relaxing days of summer. Some may return home to visit old high school friends. Others will pick up a fun summer job that will help them earn a little spending money. But for the Minnesota women’s swim team, relaxation is the last thing on their minds.

With a 2nd place finish at the Big Ten Championship this year, along with a handful of new school records, the Gopher swimmers are on a roll. And what most students fail to realize is that for the swim team, the excitement is just beginning. Why? Because this summer, nine of the women will travel to Irvine, CA to compete in one of the nation’s fastest swim meets—World Championship Trials.

The meet will be held during the first week of August and acts as a gateway to participate in three major national teams. If the women swim fast enough, they will have a chance to represent the United States at the World Championship Games, the World University Games or the Pan American Games.

“Even if my chance of making one of the teams is small, it is still possible,” says Katie Wind, a 21-year-old student at the U. Since she qualified for the United States Olympic Team Trials last summer, Wind plans to swim until 2008 even though she graduated this year. “I just love swimming,” she says. “I am not ready to be done because I know I can keep getting faster.”

And getting faster is exactly what the Gophers are doing. This year the Gophers successfully rearranged the record boards with nine new school records. What’s more, compared to a team of only one girl last year, this year the Gophers took 10 to the NCAA Championship. So, with a pile of great swims behind them, the Gopher National Team will enter the World Championship Trials with confidence.

“I just know that I will do well,” says sophomore Stacy Busack. “Since I swam so well at Big Tens, I have so much more confidence that I will swim well this summer.” Unlike Wind, this will be Busack’s first appearance at World Championship Trials. Although she may lack some national experience, with her 2nd place finish at Big Tens in the 50 yard freestyle, she has a good chance at qualifying for one of the three teams.

“A lot of the girls have a shot at getting on a team,” says co-head coach Kelly Kremer. And with national exposure, Minnesota’s swim team will gain more popularity. “A big team at World Championship Trials raises the competitive level of our program,” says Kremer. “People will start to realize that you can go to Minnesota and swim at the highest level.”

The break down of the three meets is simple. If swimmers finish 1st or 2nd in their event at World Championship Trials, they automatically qualify for the World Championship team. The next step below the World Team is the World University Team. Since only college swimmers can qualify, some of the Gopher women have an opportunity to be a part of this team. If they qualify, they will represent America and compete in Thailand in August of next year. Finally, the swimmers that don’t make the first two teams have a chance to be a part of the Pan American Team—a meet between North and South America.

“I don’t even know what to expect,” says team captain Jenny Hasling. “The idea of someone from Minnesota qualifying for an international team is just amazing to me.” Although it may seem amazing, it is very possible. The World University Team will take on 26 men and 26 women from colleges through out the United States. And with the younger swimmers eliminated it leaves an opening for the Gophers.

“I just feel like we are all so supportive of each other,” notes Hasling. “If someone from our school makes the team, they won’t only be representing our country. They will be representing everyone who swims for the University of Minnesota.” And with that kind of support, the Gopher swimmers can’t go wrong.

In a somewhat expected move, the University of Minnesota has announced that libraries across campus will be shut down and their contents sold to help fund the proposed $248 million football stadium pending congress’ approval.

Rep. Ron Abrams (R-43B) introduced the bill informally known as “Books for Balls.” Rep. Adams is also the chief sponsor of the football stadium bill. Political analysts expect the bill to easily pass through the House and Senate in the coming weeks. If passed, Gov. Pawlenty, who has openly expressed his support for the bill, is expected to sign off and give university officials the go-ahead to begin the clearance of all libraries on campus.

“It just makes sense,” Pawlenty said at a Monday press conference. “The common student no longer needs the libraries or the books within them. Have you ever heard of Google?”

The soon-to-be abandoned buildings have been a hot topic of discussion across campus. If the bill is passed, it is expected that Wilson Library will be converted into “One huge kick-ass frat,” as described by Greek Association President known only as “Killer.” University officials could not confirm Killer’s assertion, but judging by the increasing amount of Coors Light cans and discarded pink shirts outside Wilson, the conversion may already have begun.

Other university libraries may be converted into eating establishments, according to a press release from the university. President Bob Bruininks said the university has been in talks with multiple national food chains.

“Thanks to the MSA’s recommendations, the university has met with representatives from Hooters, IHOP and Denny’s among others,” Bruininks said. “We’re making great progress and I think students will really appreciate being able to grab a beer and wings or a plate of pancakes on campus.”

Bob Decker, a University economics professor, is thrilled by the proposals outlined in the new bill and the prospect of new restaurants on campus.

“Having a Hooters on campus would be perfect,” Decker said. “I haven’t read a book in years and I’m fully behind the bill. Hopefully congress can find a way to get it done.”

Coupled with the excitement of a campus-wide renovation of university libraries is the support of the funding that the massive book sale will provide.

Abrams, speaking with reporters Tuesday, said, “Well the real winners here are the students. With the dusty old books being sold off to universities who inexplicitly are not in support of new sporting facilities, students can expect their $50-a-year student fees for the stadium reduced to somewhere in the range of $45.”

If the bill is passed, the books will be up for sale at public auctions to be held at times throughout the summer. University officials, confident the bill will move through the state legislature quickly, have set a tentative auction date of June 15 on the Northrop mall. Students will be able to bid, but football coach Glen Mason, among others, have highly discouraged it, stating that it really adds to a anti-football atmosphere across campus.

“I’m just saying that if students across campus used all the time they would waste reading books into donating and campaigning for a new stadium, the campus would have already had it built,” Mason said. “By boycotting the purchase of the books, students can send a message to the Capitol that they will not let academics get in the way of a mediocre football season and a unheard-of bowl game.”

The total monetary gain for the university from the book sales is estimated to be around $5 million or approximately two percent of the stadium cost. The bill, which has garnered unprecedented support throughout the state, will be voted on by the House in the coming days.

Dear Bob Bruininks and Joel Maturi,

This is the University of Minnesota, okay? We invented basketball. I believe it was in the autumn of 1876. And in a barn, no less! Basketball is hard enough, but those pioneers had goats, chickens and cows setting up shop at the top of the key. Dung everywhere you stepped. Have you ever bounced a basketball in dung? It doesn’t work, doesn’t work at all. And yet, basketball was invented here, at the U.

The three-point line? Our idea. Michael Jordan? Our idea. Duke? Our idea. Point shaving? Our idea. Do these names mean anything to you: Rick Rickert, Kris Humphries … wait, who are they?

For our drunkenly studious enrollment, this current crop of “basketball teams” is utterly unacceptable. Let’s not bother talking about the rats deserting the sinking ship named Pam Borton.

Rats! All of you, Rats!

I have bigger fish to fry. A fish named Monson. This guy, with his “good academic standing” and “high graduation rate”…You aren’t running the engineering department Danny boy. It’s a basketball program. Pay players, plan boat trips, get Jan Gangelhoff back here writing those transcendent term papers of hers. For the love of almighty Dylan, do something! I know what should be done.

Get the great Clem Haskins back here and get him back here yesterday. Bruininks, Maturi: get on your hands and knees; beg, pray, offer frankincense and myrrh, or dare I say sexual favors, whatever it takes! Bring back Clem.

Clem is a full-fledged, unequivocal, bona fide winner. Vince Lombardi, Red Auerbach, Casey Stengel and Clem Haskins are on the Mt. Rushmore of coaches. John Wooden would shit in his depends if he had the basketball IQ of Clem Haskins. And because of some small petty insignificant minuscule cheating scandal we let him go!? For shame University of Minnesota. For shame.

Did Clem have his players caring about, non-important, frivolous issues like homework or obeying the law? Hell no. He cared about one thing, and one thing only, damn it! Winning. And he got us to the holiest of lands—the Final Four—a land that makes Mecca look like a dump filled with baby diapers, rotten eggs and maggot-filled raccoon carcasses.

Even in my most psychopathic, delusional drunken states I wouldn’t bother dreaming that Monson could somehow, someway, get Minnesota to the Final Four. What’s he going to do, play by the rules? You think Dan Monson has the mental or testicular fortitude to doctor S.A.T. scores? You think Dan has the know-how to hire paper writers and test takers? Dan would rather have the team study, learn and become educated than do their damn jobs: beating Iowa to the boards, trapping Indiana near the sidelines, and urinating across the Madison campus. Actually that last one is all of our jobs, and we’ve been slacking, people. Get to it.

Clem Haskins is a winner, not a pussy. He’ll smack around some professors—tenures be damned! He’ll write some term papers — the best darn term papers the U has seen in 30 years! He’ll pay top high school recruits to come here for two years — capitalism at it’s finest! That is because Clem knows how to win with the 3 P’s: pillaging, plundering and philandering. Pillaging the booster’s checkbooks, plundering the academic integrity of the school, and philander just about anyone and anything you see.

Monson just philanders himself. And we don’t need a coach who philanders himself. We need a winner. We need Clem Haskins.

Sorriest Super Bowl Ever Award: Super Bowl XL

The spectacle of bad officiating, horrible football and a disturbing halftime show featuring 94 year-old Mick Jagger shake like a crack addict does not make for good entertainment. The Super Bowl is supposed to be the climax of the NFL season. Instead we watched Detroit-darling Jerome Bettis fail to run in a one-yard touchdown, Jerramy Stevens drop three balls and Troy Polamalu screw up multiple coverages. Even Super Bowl MVP Hines Ward dropped two passes, including one in the end zone. Despite the bad football, the officiating may have been worse. A phantom holding call on Matt Hasselbeck at a critical point in the game was downright mysterious. The only good story from the Super Bowl was Hines Ward getting the chance to judge this year’s Miss America pageant. Bastard.

The Most Innocent Man Alive Award: Barry Bonds

There is no way this gentle, fun-loving teammate took steroids. Everyone loves him (just ask Jeff Kent). And finally we have proof to dispel these fictitious steroid rumors: Bonds wore a “Say No To Drugs” wristband in 1987 as a member of the Pittsburgh Pirates. This means that Bonds would never knowingly take steroids. Remember, Bonds has never failed a drug test and even his lawyer says he is not guilty. For authentic, unbiased information about Bonds visit his website where the truth about Bonds is revealed in his journal. It is obvious by the number of fans supporting him on the website and all the smiling pictures, that he is a peaceful man who would never, ever take steroids. Of course, we could be wrong.

What the Hell Happened Award: Gopher Women’s Basketball

How do you lose five players in two weeks? Is Pam Borton really that scary? We may never know the answers to these questions, but one thing is certain: The women’s basketball team is in shambles. After losing Jamie Broback, Liz Podominick, Natasha Williams, Lauren Lacey and Britney Davis, the Gophers will need a miracle to reach the NCAA tournament next season. At least ex-Gopher coach Brenda Frese is also struggling to revitalize Maryland’s basketball program. Oh wait, they won the National Championship this year. Never mind.

Shhhhh Award: Gopher’s Dance Team

Every semester there is a certain team that does something unbelievable and completely under the radar. It appears the Gopher dance team has done it four years in a row. With a fourth straight national championship this year, Minnesota’s dance team is a dancing dynasty. Maybe a fifth consecutive national title will give these ladies the recognition they deserve.

Most Improved Gopher Award: Kelly Roysland, Women’s Basketball
Jeff Barthel

This third-year Gopher played both backcourt positions (point and shooting guard) and served her team as either a starter or Minnesota’s top bench option.

Roysland, a junior from Fosston, Minn., earned a career-high in points this season. She scored 257 total points, including an 8.9 per-game average — both of which ranked second on the team. Roysland absolutely blazed-up Big Ten three-point arcs this season, making 51.2 percent (21-41) of her three-pointers in conference play. Kelly also led Minnesota in overall three-point shooting (30-69, 43.5 percent) and in free throws, converting 77 of 93 attempts.

One final note: On March 18, in her team’s last game of the season — an NCAA tournament game vs. Washington — Roysland led all scorers with a career-high 23 points.

Chariots of Gold Award: Heather Dorniden, Women’s Track and Field
Jeff Barthel

The nation’s top female runner is a freshman from Minnesota. As odd as that sounds it may very well be true.

Dorniden, a freshman from Inver Grove Heights, Minn. (Rosemount High School), won the NCAA national title at this year’s indoor championships in Fayetteville, Ark. She won this title in the 800-meter competition by running it in 2 minutes and 5.64 seconds. Dorniden’s performance was also the first national title to ever be accomplished by a Minnesota runner.

In Dorniden’s outdoor season, the freshman phenom obliterated a U of M record in a meet at the University of Georgia April 8. Dorniden ran 800 meters in 2 minutes and 3.81 seconds. The Minnesota 800-meter record previously belonged to Ann Lundin (two minutes, 7.71 seconds in 1985).

Look for Dorniden to break more records this June at the national outdoor championships in Sacramento, Calif.

Rising Senior Star Award: Vincent Grier, Men’s Basketball
Jeff Barthel

This senior athlete has mad skills. Grier may have not lived up to expectations created by his All-Big Ten 2004-05 season. However, the Charlotte, N.C. native was able to finish his senior season with the Gophers on a high note.

Last year Grier dazzled many Minnesota basketball fans with his assortment of rim-rattling dunks and team-leading 17.9 points per game. The 6-foot-5 guard/forward’s success led Minnesota to a 21-11 (10-6 Big Ten) record and an NCAA tournament appearance last season. This year, Grier suffered through an early season injury (a broken bone in his shooting hand) and a losing season in conference play.

Grier’s Gophers finished its season at 16-15 (5-11 Big Ten), but individually he flourished toward season’s end. On March 15, Grier thrilled the Williams-Arena faithful with his final home performance, leading all players in points (18) and assists (8), while pulling down seven rebounds in Minnesota’s 73-58 NIT win over Wake Forest. Grier followed that performance with an 18-point, 8-rebound effort in Minnesota’s 76-62 loss to Cincinnati — his final game as a Gopher.

Former National Champion and Heisman Hopeful Most Likely to be Sleeping on your Front Lawn: Maurice Clarett

After leading Ohio State to the 2002 national championship his freshman year, Clarett was suspended from the university and denied the right to declare for the NFL draft in 2003. He remained unemployed until he was somehow drafted by Denver in 2005. In camp, Clarett was hideously overweight, injured frequently and was found drinking alcohol in the team’s training facility. He was quickly released. Now millions of dollars in debt from legal fees, Clarett has made the logical decision to turn to crime. He has been charged with a total of nine counts of criminal acts, but is currently a free man out on bail until his trial begins. So at your next party, watch out for the guy that can’t afford the $5 keg cup and whips out a gun demanding liquor. The next morning, Maurice Clarett may just be sleeping on your front lawn.

Biggest Disappointment Award: Jamie Broback, Women’s Basketball
Jeff Barthel

The Minnesota women’s basketball team leading scorer finished her third year as a Gopher with the poorest effort of her career.

In Minnesota’s NCAA tournament opener versus Washington, the 6-foot-3 junior forward scored just two points. Her performance (which included on 1-5 shooting and 0-2 from the line) was soon followed by her decision to leave Minnesota. Broback leaves the program after she helped the Gophers reach the Sweet Sixteen twice, including one Final Four.

Over the course of the season (Broback’s third at Minnesota), the Apple Valley native saw her points-per-game average drop from 14.4ppg in ’04-05 to 13.7 this year. She was, however, able to accomplish her highest single-game point total (33, vs. NDSU Jan. 26) and improve other aspects of her game—posting career highs in rebounding (6.8rpg) and assists (2.6apg) averages.

Her departure highlighted a five-player exodus from Gopher women’s basketball—which also included rising sophomore, Natasha Williams (8.2 points, 3.8 rebounds per game this season)

The Big Ten Men’s and Women’s Tennis Championships are near (April 27 to April 30), and both teams are aiming to win their respected conferences. But this will be a difficult task considering both the men and women will probably have to overcome division goliaths to win. The women’s conference goliath manifests herself as a wildcat. The Northwestern Wildcats have won seven consecutive Big Ten Championships and they are once again dominating the division with an undefeated conference record. The women’s conference championship will be held in Champaign, Ill.

Meanwhile, the men’s division has been dominated by Illinois, with the Illini winning four consecutive division championships. But this season Ohio State gave the rest of the Big Ten hope when it ended Illinois’ 86 game conference winning streak with a victory on April 2. With the men’s tennis championships at Baseline Center this year, the men hope to use their home court advantage to win their first Big Ten Championship since 1995.

Q&A with D.J. Geatz

The Wake: How do you like the Gopher’s chances at the Big Ten Championships this year?

Geatz: Our opportunities have just opened up big time with Ohio State, the best team in the Big Ten, losing one of their starters. We had them on the ropes and should have won. Every player on our team is getting better and picking up their game. We’re definitely going to be scary playing on our home courts. We feel like we have a huge home court advantage because our courts play different than any other courts around the country. They are so slow and all our guys on our team are used to them. We have good ground strokers and I feel like we have as good of shot as any.

The Wake: What Big Ten team would you like to beat the most at the Big Ten Championships?

Geatz: I would have to say Illinois because they’ve won it the past couple of years and they are a cocky team. They definitely walk around with their nose up in the air and they think they are big time. I think it would be awesome to take those guys down and humble them a little bit.

The Wake: Do you feel added pressure being the men’s no. 1 singles player?

Geatz: Definitely, playing number one there’s a ton of pressure. All the guys on our team are so close; we all beat each other on our day. But by me playing one, every single team’s number one guy in the country is great. Every match I go out and I know I am going to have a dog fight, whereas our number five guy Raul, who is just as good as me, he usually wins easy. Still I love playing number one and I think it is going to make me better in the long run.

The Wake: Since you are a junior, how do you think the men’s tennis team is going to do next season?

Geatz: That’s a good question. I really don’t know. We are all juniors except for one guy who is a very good player for us. We should have a great team and if we can get some recruits in we should have a shot to win it all.

Q&A with Nischela Reddy

The Wake: How do you like the Gopher’s chances at the Big Ten Championships this year?

Reddy: I think we have a pretty good chance. Other than Northwestern, we have a good shot at beating every team in the Big Ten. I think it really depends on how well we play that particular day and if we all really fight at every single spot in the lineup. I would say our chances are good.

The Wake: What team would you like to beat the most at the Big Ten Championships?

Reddy: It would be sweet to beat Northwestern. Just to see the looks on their faces. They would never expect to lose to us. They have pretty much beaten every team 7-0, so it would be pretty entertaining.

The Wake: Do you feel added pressure being the no. 1 singles player?

Reddy: No, not really. Every match counts for one point. I think it is equally important that everyone wins so I don’t really feel added pressure.

The Wake: Since you are a senior, what are your plans after graduation?

Reddy: Oh gosh, I don’t know. I don’t graduate until December so I am hoping to get an internship this summer. After that, hopefully I can get a year long internship somewhere in marketing.

The Vikings 2005 season was filled with accusations and key injuries that led to some of the personnel moves made this spring. Mike Tice is gone and Brad Childress is in at Head Coach. Daunte cleared his name of any boat scandal charges and then was asked to clear his locker.

The Vikings had an enormous amount of cap room to spend on free agents and they seized the opportunity accordingly. The Wake will break down the implications of key player acquisitions and give a preview of what the Vikings will be looking for in the NFL draft to be held April 29 and 30.

Chester Taylor (Running Back): The former Raven was brought in to take over for Michael Bennett. Taylor, a four-year veteran out of Toledo, had success rushing last year when Jamal Lewis, a former 2,000-yard rusher, couldn’t. Taylor had an average of 4.2 yards per carry last season but failed to score a rushing touchdown. Taylor will handle first and second down, while Onterrio Smith, Mewelde Moore and Ciatrick Fason will battle in training camp for third down duties.

Steve Hutchinson (Offensive Guard): Hutchinson is entering his sixth season and coming off his best year as a professional. Hutchinson opened holes for league MVP and rushing leader, Shaun Alexander. Hutchinson should be able to thrive this season and is the best player the Vikings brought in this off-season.

Ryan Longwell (Kicker): Longwell, entering his 10th year in the NFL, served as a dependable kicker for the Green Bay Packers since 1997. Longwell’s career field goal average is 81.6 percent. The one knock against Longwell is his leg strength, especially in terms of kickoffs. Longwell has struggled over the past two seasons to kick the ball inside the opponent’s ten-yard line. Playing eight games in a dome will help Longwell, but don’t be surprised if the Vikings consider adding a kickoff specialist.

Tony Richardson (Fullback): Richardson, entering his 12th season, brings Pro Bowl experience to a rather young Vikings offensive unit. Richardson blocked for Preist Holmes in 2003 when he scored 27 times. Richardson’s best asset apart from his blocking is his receiving ability. The acquisition of Richardson should help Chester Taylor’s transition to the Vikings as the Chiefs had one of the league’s best rushing units over the past few seasons.

Acquisitions: RB Chester Taylor, OG Steve Hutchinson, K Ryan Longwell, LB Ben Leber, FB Joey Goodspeed, OG Jason Whittle, QB Mike McMahon, S Tank Williams, FB Tony Richardson.

Losses: QB Daunte Culpepper, WR Nate Burleson, S Corey Chavous, RB Michael Bennett, LB Sam Cowart, CB Brian Williams, OG Toniu Fonoti, C Melvin Fowler, LB Raonall Smith.

The Draft

With Daunte Culpepper gone and Brad Johnson aging, the Vikings will likely draft a quarterback at some point during the draft. The Vikings will draft at least one linebacker and a cornerback to add depth at those positions after losing Sam Cowart and Brian Williams.

After a convincing three-game sweep to begin its 2006 home schedule, Minnesota looks like a baseball team that’s finally found some power in its bats…By Minnesota, I mean the Twins. The Gophers? Not so much.

Coming off a sub-par 2005 season, the Twins began its new season with 13 homeruns in its first nine games. The Gophers baseball team, on the other hand, knocked out five homeruns through its first 27 games. This had the beloved campus club ranking second to last in homers among its Big Ten competitors.

Then came the 28th game, an April 12 non-conference game at South Dakota State. Four homers and 16 runs highlighted a Gophers victory that kept the team above the .500 mark.

Could this be the start of a Big Ten surge? Or, might this just have been a mid-week slaughter of a weak, non-conference foe, something they were unable to do in their first eight conference contests.

In his 25th year as head coach of Minnesota baseball, John Anderson led his Gophers program in opening its Big Ten schedule with a four-game set against Penn State. The result was a 2-2 split. The two wins featured strong pitching that was backed up with homeruns by John Arlt and Mike Mee.

In the U’s second conference series, the Gophers welcomed the Michigan Wolverines to the Metrodome. This was a team Minnesota swept last year (outscoring Michigan 23-8) in the same venue. This year, however, Minnesota lost three of four, with its one win coming in extra innings. Also, the one win came on Sat. April 8, courtesy of a Dan Lyons game-winning single in the 8th. The Gophers failed to hit a home run in the series.

Following the Michigan series was the win over SDSU. In the victory, Minnesota received a 4-6, 2 RBI effort from senior Luke MacLean and a three-run homer by Lyons.

While the first-year Gopher, Lyons, has come through with some clutch hitting—as of April 14 he ranked second on the team in RBI (16). However, Lyons also toted a batting average of .232 at this time that had a heavy influence on Minnesota’s .251 team average; second to worst in the conference.

The good news is that Minnesota gets to face Big Ten cellar dwelling Iowa for four games in Iowa City.

The bad news is they’ve also got a four-game series with the 2005 Big Ten regular season champs (Illinois), four games at Ohio State, the ’05 tournament champions, and another four at Northwestern. That said, there’s a possibility the Gophers could do something it hasn’t done in 44 years; finish under .500—Minnesota’s 1962 team won just three Big Ten games, losing its final contest against Iowa to finish 14-16.

In avoiding what would be a very dubious distinction, two things are in the 2006 Gophers favor.

One, if this team is anywhere similar to last year’s they will make a late season run that will propel them toward the Big Ten championship—Minnesota lost the 2005 title to Ohio State after entering the tournament in sixth place. And, two, this year’s Golden Gophers can pitch!

Golden Arms Look to Lead Minnesota Back to Glory

All those baseball fans beginning to feel sad about your 2006 squad…feel sad no more. Why? Four reasons: Bull, Brabender, Gaub and DeVries.

Despite losing its top game-winner from last season (Matt Loberg, 8-5), Minnesota returns its other three starters and has added an extremely dangerous fourth.

Senior Brian Bull, sophomore Dustin Brabender and junior pitchers John Gaub and Cole DeVries compose a starting rotation full of potential.

A lefthander from the college baseball capital of the World (Omaha, Nebraska), Bull would love to lead his 2006 Gophers to his hometown for the College World Series. Though that may be a lofty challenge, one thing is certain—Bull has some seriously good stuff.

In his senior year, the 6-foot-1 southpaw has been stifling the bats of his ’06 opponents in leading the Gophers pitchers. Throughout his eight starts leading into mid-April, Bull’s been the staff stalwart—tossing a team-leading 51.1 innings, notching a team best of 34 strikeouts as well.

The youngest of the Gophers starting core is Brabender. This 20-year-old from Oregon (Wisc.) stands 6-feet-6-inches and possesses a powerful arm with a nice ability to mix in a solid breaker. Brabender demonstrated his pitching prowess particularly well in an April 8 outing vs. Michigan. Making his sixth start of the season, the lanky right-hander demonstrated a smooth delivery and impeccable control in silencing Wolverines bats, striking out five and allowing no walks while tossing a career-high 6.1 innings.

Next on Minnesota’s dangerous rotation of hurlers is Gaub. A stealthy game-saver in 2005, the lefty from St. Paul has mid-90s speed and phenomenal strikeout capability. This made him an ideal closer last season, when he posted 65 strikeouts through 39 innings. This season, Gaub (who sustained off-season surgery) has returned in a starting role, making his first start of the season in the night game of his team’s double-header with Michigan April 8. Gaub, a Minnesota Twins draftee (2004, 25th round), will be fine tuning his skills in hopes of helping his Gophers to its fourth Big Ten title in five seasons.

The final key component in Minnesota’s powerful pitching engine is DeVries, a junior from Eden Prarie, Minn. As Minnesota’s most experienced starter, DeVries has been tremendous in 2006. Early in the season, DeVries threw a six-inning, four-hit gem in a win over Notre Dame.

Since then, DeVries has also gotten off to a great beginning in conference play. The rubber-armed right-hander pitched several innings of great baseball in each of his first two Big Ten starts—throwing 7.2 innings of shutout ball in a win over Penn State, then tossing nine for a complete-game, hard-luck loss (2-0) to Michigan.

As April dwindles down, the competition heats up. Minnesota and its four horsemen rotation look to lead the Gophers to the top of the Big Ten again. After a tremendous effort fell short in last year’s Big Ten Championship game, Minnesota’s dominant foursome of starters will hope to get better contributions from their batsmen in facing the Buckeyes May 12-14 in Columbus.

In the meantime, the Gophers will host a tough Illinois team at the Metrodome this Friday-Sunday with hopes of regaining their traditional, winning form.

With the annual spring football game approaching for the current Gopher football team, a few former Gophers are looking to continue their football careers in the professional ranks.

In preparation for the draft, The Wake takes a look at three Gopher alumni with a good chance to find themselves in a NFL uniform next year and talks with their former coaches, Guards and Centers Coach Gordon Shaw and Assistant Head Coach/Offensive Coordinator Mitch Browning, to learn more about the former players and what their futures may hold.

Greg Eslinger

A four-year starter from 2002-2005 who started 49 straight games, Eslinger is predicted to go in the third or fourth round. This Bismarck, N.D. native racked up awards throughout his collegiate career. He was a two-time All-American (2003, 2005) and a three-time, first-team All-Big Ten performer in 2003, 2004 and 2005. As a senior, Eslinger was named the 2005 Big Ten Offensive Lineman of the Year, and won the Outland Trophy, given to college football’s best interior lineman, as well as the Dave Rimington Trophy, awarded to college football’s top center.

Mark Setterstrom

A four-year starter from 2002-2005 who also started 49 straight games, Setterstrom is predicted to be selected in the fourth or fifth round. He was a first-team All-Big Ten performer in 2004 and 2005.

The Wake: What was your experience like working with both Eslinger and Setterstrom?

Shaw: It was really a great journey. They came in here as true freshman and really didn’t know the system or the techniques; but just watching those two players grow in that first year and how much better they got from week to week, game to game, was really rewarding as a coach knowing that you were helping those guys achieve the goals that they wanted. The one thing that was unique about both Greg and Mark was that a lot of people would think that after starting for two years that they would kind of take a rest and say ‘well I’ve seen this, I’ve seen that, I’ve done this, I’ve done that,’ but they never had that mindset. They always continued to work to become better football players and just kept the gas pedal at full throttle throughout their entire careers

The Wake: What were their best assets/strengths when playing for the University?

Shaw: Greg’s was his first-and-second step quickness and speed. He also had a great ability to block players in the open field. Mark had tremendous lower-body strength and great balance. He always knew where to push and where to pull when he was engaged with a defender to get the job done.

The Wake: What do you think Eslinger brings to an NFL team? Setterstrom? And what do you think their prospects are for the draft?

Shaw: Greg has all the things that make a tremendous football player. A great work ethic, unquestionable character, a burning desire within himself to always be a better football player, and (he is) a very coachable individual. A lot of people are going to look at the package and say ‘well, [his numbers don’t] fit in the NFL.’ But there’s a lot of guys walking around on a muscle beach in California and on the East Coast that can bench the world or run a 4.5 [sec. 40 yard], but if they don’t have those intangibles, then they’re not going to make it in the NFL, because it’s a very competitive business.

Mark has all those same characteristics. He’s a tireless worker, very coachable, and a very good student, not only in the classroom, but on the football field. Mark’s not going to run a fast 40 or vertical jump 35 inches, but when the play’s over with, very seldom are you going to see the guy he was suppose to block in on the play. I’ve been coaching for 31 years now and I learned a long time ago the draft is a funny, fickle thing. I feel very comfortable in saying they’re draftable players. My only hope for them is that whatever team does take them, they’re taking them knowing those other things about [intangibles] and not taking them just to take a spin around the block to see if they’re a good player or not.

The Wake: How are they feeling about the draft?

Shaw: Both of them have a really good perspective on it. Greg’s always been a very realistic individual. Mark has the added advantage of having a brother [Chad Setterstrom] that’s currently in the NFL, who has kind of filled him in, let him know how fickle things can be.

Laurence Maroney

Maroney is a likely first-rounder who finished second in Minnesota rushing history behind Darrell Thompson with 3,933 yards. He also racked up 32 touchdowns in his Gopher career. Maroney set the single-season rushing record with 1,464 yards in 2005 when he was named third-team All-American. He, along with Marion Barber and Gary Russell, helped Minnesota become the first team in NCAA history with two running backs gaining over 1,000 yards in three consecutive seasons. Maroney was a first-team All-Big Ten selection in 2004, and 2005, after earning Big Ten Freshman of the Year in 2003.

The Wake: What was your experience like working with Laurence Maroney?

Browning: It was definitely rewarding. He’s a good honest kid with a great work ethic and came ready to practice everyday.

The Wake: What was his strongest asset/strength when playing for the University?

Browning: Just his great work habits; he was always looking to become a better football player.

The Wake: What do you think Maroney brings to an NFL team and what do you think his prospects are for the draft?

Browning: He has tremendous football ability. In my opinion, he’s the best pure running back in the draft. He’s the total package; he can run inside, he can run outside, he can pass-protect and he can catch the ball in the open field and by draft time I think he’ll be running at a solid 225-230 lb. [Maroney was listed at 205 lb. last season for the Gophers.] His draft stock is definitely rising.

The Wake: How is he feeling about the draft?

Browning: Well, he’s been visiting six, seven, eight teams, and he’s visiting another one today. He’s really making an impression. Right now, he’s just anxious for draft day to get here, but he’s very confident.

The NFL draft takes place on April 29 to 30 in New York City. It consists of seven rounds with 261 players being snatched up by 32 teams. Tune into ESPN for full coverage. Other former Gophers to keep a watch on include Jared Ellerson, Jakari Wallace, Anthony Montgomery, and Kyle McKenzie.