The Wake

“Well I just think that it is so shocking that after all this time we thought we’d seen it all with Marilyn Monroe, and… here we go,” says Lara Spencer on CBS’s The Early Show.

The Marilyn Monroe sex tape has finally surfaced, thank God. The media was almost running out of living celebrity faux news fodder.

It is still a mystery why Spencer thinks this “news” is “so shocking.” In her lifetime Monroe made a name for herself as one of the most sensual and seductive stars on the planet, in addition to having rumored affairs with a number of celebrities and politicians. Further, wasn’t she on the cover of Playboy? Yeah, she was.

I’m personally glad that the person who bought the foreplay tape (no sex, just oral) has more integrity than the people reporting …

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Our celebrity-obsessed media has turned America into a high school full of stereotypes. There are cliques, opinion leaders, and, most of all, jealous but vicarious critics looking to bash but idolize the popular kids.

I frequent the pop culture blogs. I don’t do it because I care about the celebrities. I do it because I care about why so many people care about the celebrities. And to be honest, it seems to me like we’re carrying the same grudges and judgments held when we were 16.

Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian and Nichole Richie are the rich, popular kids with all the newest clothes and coolest stuff. They also have all these popular celebrity friends and boyfriends who have the coolest houses and cars. They all go to the coolest parties (to which we’re never invited) …

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I love Mariah Carey and I don’t care who knows it. To me, she’s an illustration of the world’s future as a single-race populace. I can picture her sleeping with someone of any ethnicity, creed, belief or religion, and for whatever reason, I take comfort in that.

But her recent video, “Touch My Body,” is unsettling to me. She plays her usual prostitute/pop star persona perfectly, tempting the tech guy (the brilliant Jack McBrayer) when he comes to fix her computer. I mean, she answers the door in lingerie; nobody does that unless they’re planning on getting laid.

For the remainder of the video Mariah and the Nerd go through a series of playful and sexual frolics involving unicorns, fluffy beds, and Laser Tag. You can really feel the romance in the air.

But by the end, …

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I enjoy a good piece of fiction as much as the next guy. That fiction can be historical, ahistorical, erotic, science fiction, or whatever else you can think of. But, when ahistorical fiction is framed in a historical context, I begin to have issues.

10,000 B.C., the new Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow) vehicle, is plagued with absurdity, starting and ending with its name.

Surprisingly, Emmerich is German, which is weird, because many of his films wage pro-Americanism on the global screen. The date in the title is 10,000 BC. BC, or Before Christ, is a term developed to denote the years of the Christian Era. It was adopted in Western Europe in the 8th Century CE. CE? Oh, right. CE is the “Common Era,” a politically correct term that is preferably used in …

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The entertainment media has been flooding the Internet with postulations of Patrick Swayze’s imminent expiration. It has been confirmed that the man has pancreatic cancer. But in reading some of these stories one would think the ink is already dry on the poor man’s death certificate. Most of the early reports were based on an unverified report by the usual beacon of truth, the National Enquirer. It turns out he’s actually responding well to treatment, and may have years left.

I understand that our culture has a morbid fascination with death. But, is this where we are as a society? If Patrick Swayze donated $1,000 to a cancer charity nobody would bat an eyelash. As soon as there’s pending tragedy the tabloid press attacks like a pack of blood-thirsty hyenas. Nobody was …

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