Tucked away on the West Bank, veiled in Wilson Library on the fourth floor, hidden back in the James Ford Bell Library and guarded under glass is this semester’s exhibit, “Creating the First Global Empire: Portuguese Exploration and Expansion in the Early Modern World.” The exhibit displays original treasures from the early days of sea exploration and cartography.

The exhibit opened Sept. 5 and showcases original maps, rare books and manuscripts from the 15th, 16th and 17th century escapades which led the Portuguese in expansion of the first global empire – spreading from the Atlantic, to Africa and the Indian Ocean Basin, eventually extending from Brazil to Japan.

Though the exhibit’s visitors won’t receive much of a history lesson on early seafaring exploration, the experience is worthwhile. Manuscripts and books documenting the maritime adventures are on display, protected under glass and likely written in Latin – but merely seeing the hand painted maps and scribed voyage letters can incite a sense of awe. A generation that benefits from GPS (Global Positioning System) maps, online instant directions, and a city bus hotline to trek around even their own turf should be awestruck to see the actual maps and travel accounts of the first explorers to chart the land.

As perhaps one of the earliest evolutionary predecessors of www.MapQuest.com, the exhibit’s unique pieces include the first published woodcut globular map to include the Western hemisphere, created by cartographer Martin Waldseemüller of Germany in 1507. The map is the first to chart the new lands of what would be North America as a continent separate from Asia, and the first to print the name “America.” For those rusty on their world history, note cards at the exhibit give a quick lesson. Waldseemüller named the newfound land in the South Atlantic “America” after Amerigo Vespucci, a revolutionary explorer whose travel accounts inspired Waldseemüller’s mapmaking.

Another distinctive piece on display is one of the earliest broadside paintings depicting the exploration of South America. The painting, created by Georg Sturchs of Germany between 1505 and 1506, is thought to portray Vespucci’s fleet sailing under the Portuguese flag at the mouth of the Plate River on January 1, 1502, according to an exhibit sign.

Also on display is the first Latin edition of the earliest collection of voyages after Christopher Columbus’ letters. The three voyages of Columbus, the third voyage of Vespucci, the voyage of Pinzon to Brazil and the voyage of Vasco de Gama from 1497 to 1499 are included in the collection, put together by Fracanzano da Montalbaddo in 1508.

A scribed oration, circa 1499, including the first known documented reference to any Portuguese discoveries is showcased at the exhibit. Vasco Fernandes de Lucena mentions Africa among other exploration references in the oration of Portuguese royal obedience to the pope.

Rafael Tarrago, librarian for Iberian, Ibero-American & Chicano Studies, helps curate the exhibit and says he hopes exhibit goers not only learn about the adventures of the Portuguese explorers, but also “about the breadth of the rare books and manuscripts collections at the U of M in general, and at the James Ford Bell Library in particular.” The library did not have to track down any of the documents on display for the exhibit, it already had them on hand, Tarrago explains. The James Ford Bell Library has a collection of over 20,000 rare books, 2,500 maps and 2,500 manuscripts documenting European expansion from 1400 to 1800.

“Great collections start with individual collectors like Mr. Bell,” Tarrago says. The library was spurred by the private collection of James Ford Bell, the founder of General Mills who donated his treasures to the university in 1953, the library’s Web site explains.

Appreciation for the exhibit will be greater to those who remember 4th grade lessons about Columbus and friends. For the rest of us, informative notecards describing the displays help to jog the memory and we may even leave inspired to look up a little early world history – perhaps while we wait for the browser to upload directions.

The exhibit is free of charge and is open through Dec. 31 in the James Ford Bell Library on the fourth floor of Wilson Library, 309 19th Ave. S. It is sponsored by the American Portuguese Studies Association; the exhibit’s curators are Dr. Marguerite Ragnow, library curator, and Tarrago. For more information on the James Ford Bell library, see .

Once upon a time (in mid-August) in a far, far away place (Rosemount) the University gave away free corn on the cob, lemonade and tastes of local wine to all. The setting: a mysterious 7,500 acre park 30 miles from the St. Paul Campus, dubbed UMORE, or University of Minnesota Outreach, Research and Education Park.

The park’s forte is agricultural field research, and “3,500 acres have been devoted to agricultural research for the last 55 years,” says Jim Rowe, assistant director of operations for UMore. On August 17, UMore looked beyond those 55 years, hosting its third annual open house – sharing the past, present and future of the largest publicly owned research and educational facility in the United States at an urban-rural interface.

“It is an effort to show our neighboring community some of the activity at this Research and Outreach Center,” Rowe says. Open house-goers also participated in various garden classes, haywagon rides and heard live music. Kids climbed up tractors, and saw live raptor and insect exhibits.

At present approximately 3,500 acres of rural pastures, rows of corn, soybeans and barnyards provide a crop and livestock research site, at which over 50 St. Paul Campus faculty and students work on a typical summer day, Rowe says. “There are daily visitors from the surrounding communities” to UMore, Rowe explains. UMore is between Rosemount and Empire townships, and offers programs for the general public. Rowe says attractions include horseback riding with a stable near the park renting horses, hiking and cross-country skiing through UMore’s 11-mile Lone Rock Trail. One might see white-tailed deer, wild turkeys, foxes or pheasants on the trail, UMore Park’s brochure claims. The Master Gardener Education and Research Display Garden, planted and maintained by volunteers, is also open daily from sunrise to sunset for the public to visit and gather ideas about gardening and landscaping. The garden also offers regular classes.

The rest of the campus is leased commercially to help fund the university’s research agenda. Tenants include locals like area farmers and the Dakota County Gun Club. The University of Minnesota Police Department has firing ranges on the property and the Minneapolis and St. Paul police departments keep bomb squad facilities on the land, director of operations Phil Larsen explained to open house visitors.

Amidst the country charm of UMore – silohs, lush grasslands, rolling hills, woodlands, and wild animals – inhabits a curious industrial air. Towering smokestacks and strange concrete structures hint towards the park’s unique history. Maureen Bouchard, of the Rosemount Area Historical Society, spoke at the open house about the site’s past as Gopher Ordnance Works, a United States Army munitions plant built during World War II, in 1942. Following the end of the war, the University submitted a proposal to the War Assets Administration and in 1947, acquired the land for use as a research center to study aerodynamics, among other things. The proposal’s eventual approval made it the largest single expansion in the University’s history, according to John Lauber’s Land in Transition: A History of UMore Park.

One of the University’s first endeavors at the site was housing polio patients. Faced with a shortage of hospital beds caused by the epidemic in 1946, the Medical School converted the GOW infirmary into a long-term care hospital for polio patients, who were previously held at Fort Snelling, explains Land in Transition.

Prior to serving as a federal plant for white smokeless gun powder, the area now known as UMore Park, was home to over 80 farm families, Bouchard said. Many families were given as little as six weeks to relocate, and the U.S. War Department provided nothing to help the families move or become reestablished, according to Land in Transition The plant proved less necessary than predicted, and 5,000 acres were sold back to farmers in 1943.

Long before the farmer’s had been kicked out, in the mid 1850’s, farmers kicked someone else out – the Mdewakanton band of Dakota Indians. Tribal leaders were reluctant to give up the rich land, but the settlers (mostly Irish, fleeing the potato famine) won out, according to Land in Transition. The University became involved with these farmers early, teaching them new farming methods when their one-crop system began depleting the soil.

UMore Park, with its diverse and revolving past, has still yet to find its happy ending. The parcel’s days of soybeans and hiking trails may one day seem as unfamiliar as its days as a wartime gunpowder factory. As the University prepares to transform into one of the top three public research universities in the world, through the Strategic Positioning process, UMore Park will also undergo changes.

Sasaki Associates Inc., of Watertown Mass., hired to examine the future of UMore, will deliver their recommendations for future uses of the property to the University in late November.

Larry Laukka, executive director for UMore Park, speculated at the open house that because of an “encroachment of urban living around the area, things will have to be different.” He says, “New modern research may be exchanged for ag research, but it will be a long time coming.”

“It’s a unique piece of property… there are some great things that can happen with it.”

Envision yourself immersed in a rural African town while working at an orphanage. Or maybe learning how to speak Spanish in South America while taking in the culture. Can you see yourself interning for a human rights organization in Australia?

The world is a huge place and no doubt there are places abound to explore and experience. It’s not impossible to seek adventure all over the globe thanks to study, work and volunteer abroad programs, which many college students participate in every year.

The opportunity to study abroad while doing university study is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Imagine stepping off an airplane into a completely new city and suddenly being surrounded by a language that is unknown to you. This is the beginning of a great quest for global understanding.

There is a plethora of reasons why traveling abroad during college is a valuable decision. And everyone may have different reasons to embark on a journey. Joe Buron, a senior majoring in psychology and Spanish, studied in Venezuela for a semester to learn Spanish as well as explore a new culture and sights. Studying abroad is one of the best ways to raise cultural awareness, learn more about oneself and build skills. Buron had never traveled internationally (minus our great neighbor to the north, Canada) and said about his expectations, “I wasn’t really sure of anything. I just knew I was getting on a plane with a duffel bag and hoped for the best.”

Every semester students embark on learning abroad programs to enrich their overall college experience by gaining an international perspective, realizing full potential and building skills related to academic and career goals. The Learning Abroad Center on campus helps lots of students take up one of the hundreds of international education programs that they offer.

Everyday the center offers First Step meetings for students who are interested in a study abroad program. The meetings shed light on program options, academic and personal goals that need to be considered and information about financial aid, which can be applied toward fees involved with the study abroad programs.

Program selection advisers are available to help students choose the right program for them according to any language or academic requirements, personal goals and cost. The staff is able to assist students in finding the right study abroad experience. It is very important to plan far enough in advance as there is plenty of paperwork involved with any sort of international travel. The Learning Abroad Center is committed to helping any student stay on track and start on their way to adventure.

Make sure to allow enough time to apply for a passport if you don’t have one already. Also, students who opt to work abroad need to be issued a visa in order to stay and work in their host country, a process that can take a couple of months. Any period of time before a trip may lead you to a lot of questions like, “How will the culture be different?” or “How will the food taste?“

Remembering to maintain an open mind is the key to having a fantastic study abroad experience. Landing in a foreign city for the first time can be an overwhelming myriad of emotions ranging from confusion to joy.

This summer I participated in a study abroad program to Sydney, Australia. When I landed in Sydney, I didn’t know what was in store for me, but having confidence and the courage to ask questions served me well. Since it was my first international experience, I made an effort to savor each moment.
Adjusting to your host country might seem to take awhile but you will be ordering in Italian or riding the subway in London soooner than you expected.

While Buron had little difficulty adjusting to aspects of the culture such as food, one of his fellow program participants was not as fortunate. This translates to remembering how important it is to take care of one’s self when traveling. Buron described how daily routines such as riding the bus and greeting people was so unlike the United States, which impacted his return back.

Returning to the United States can be just as difficult if not worse than entering a new country. Many students return from their excursion to experience re-entry culture. Going to a new country will open your eyes and give you a whole new, fresh perspective that is sometimes beyond words. One of the best ways to help the reverse culture shock is to keep in contact with people that you met on the trip. Bonding is something that naturally happens to any study abroad participants. Buron finds that keeping in touch with people he met and hanging out with people who have experienced a similar trip is a great way to keep the experience fresh. He says about the people he met on the trip, “You’re all experiencing something new. It’s impossible not to bond.”

Imagine being nestled in a dorm in Europe while studying for your classes in a foreign language, or as an intern for a medical research team in Asia. The opportunities are endless and can only go as far as your imagination. Check out the resources right on campus. They can help students realize their full potential whether it’s through volunteer, study, intern or work.

International education is vital to a clearer global understanding. Anybody who has returned from a study abroad program would probably agree that it is an experience unlike any other.

Gubernatorial candidate Becky Lourey’s Aug. 23 discussion on fiscal policy was essential to convince voters she can finance her sweeping proposals to health care, education and transportation.

Her plans are progressive and well-thought out, but require some major overhauls to our current systems, especially the health care industry. If Lourey wants Democrats to pass over Attorney General Mike Hatch and vote for her instead, she’s going to have to convince a lot of people before the Sept. 12 primary that her policies can work without a huge increase in taxes and that her programs are worth the increase.

“We live in a great democracy, but it isn’t an absolutely perfect democracy,” Lourey said during the discussion. “Minnesota has a long and proud tradition of nurturing success for all its citizens,” she continued later. But “for several years now, the basic assumption about how to build a strong foundation of Minnesota society has been under attack.”

The state senator from Kerrick, Minn. has built her campaign around the idea that Minnesota is ripe for change. She is the only proponent of a universal health care plan, called HealthCare Security, in the gubernatorial race and promises to provide affordable education from early childhood through higher education to all Minnesotans.

She also supports light and heavy rail lines, as well as other public transportation measures and her energy proposal, Minnesota Clean, will reduce the state’s dependency on foreign oil and invest in renewable energies.

But how can a country with a record-setting deficit afford to introduce universal health care, quality affordable education, broad public transportation, all while cleaning up the environment? The mother of 12 claims we don’t have a choice. “Too many Minnesotans have been losers under the changes made in the past decade, and a precious few have been winners,” she argued.

Lourey admits that “we cannot move Minnesota forward to achieve needed, major policy goals without making some major changes.” So, the Little Falls native has proposed the Lourey Fiscal Policy Framework, which encompasses seven key goals to ensure that her proposed improvements to the quality of life for all Minnesotans can be financed.

The seven goals include income tax reform based on an individual’s ability to pay, stabilizing K-12 district financing, creating partnerships to provide better public safety, promoting employer-provided health care, investments in public transportation by raising gas taxes and implementing a carbon tax, a crackdown on tax evasions and the institution of accountability measures in public finance.

Her broad goals seem questionable and nearly impossible to achieve, but Lourey sticks to her guns. When the director of the Center for the Study of Politics and Governance, Lawrence Jacobs, asked her if she thought cutting taxes provided the necessary business incentives to maintain a stable economy, she replied simply, “No.”

Lourey says that statistics and history show that government investment increases the quality of life, thus making Minnesota a desirable place for individuals to live in and creating a healthy marketplace for businesses to participate in.

Lourey also says that her fiscal policy framework will be more successful if implemented slowly in a gradual transition. “In fact, it is best to change the system incrementally. My fiscal process framework is evolutionary in nature. Recent Minnesota history tells us that rapid and radical fiscal structure changes bring about unanticipated negative consequences.”

Regardless of the necessity of Lourey’s proposals, the fact remains that she has a rocky road in front of her. Her opponent, Hatch, has refused to acknowledge that he’s running against her in a primary race and is proceeding full-speed ahead toward Gov. Tim Pawlenty and the Nov. election.

If Lourey wants to win, she’s going to have to do more than discuss sweeping reforms and fiscal policy. She’s going to have to prove that her plans are what Minnesota’s been waiting for and that she’s what Minnesota needs.

September starts a new school year and brings a new batch of freshman to the university. Among the new kids on the block, there is a group of students that can fall through the cracks and enter quietly into the system—transfer students. These students have previously attended at least one other college in their lifetime and enter the U of M with experience.

Students transfer for many reasons. Some start out at smaller colleges and then move onto larger universities. This is because smaller colleges are less costly than larger universities and other responsibilities such as families, jobs and other time constraints can get in the way of going to a four-year university. Students also are not sure of what they want to major in and take general classes to save money before heading into a larger university.

Every transfer student has their own take on the “transfer experience.” The University of Minnesota has a small section of transfer students that has remained steady over the past few years. According to the Office of Admissions, in the 2005-06 school year, there were 2,606 undergraduate transfer students and five years ago that rate was 2,731. In comparison to the number of new students admitted to the U, last year there were 5,305 freshmen which is about twice as many transfer students.

Marie Gabrielson had a difficult time at first when she transferred to the University of Minnesota from the University of Washington. She found the U to be large and confusing. “It’s like starting as a freshman again, only you don’t feel that same, first, ‘I’m-in-college-now’ feeling,” Gabrielson says. It was hard for her to get excited about coming to the U since she had already gone through that with her first college.

Most of Gabrielson’s troubles came in her upper division courses because she found that a lot of students simply weren’t interested in making friends. She stopped looking for people to talk to in class and decided to direct her search for friends to student groups and activities.

It can be hard to make yourself at home at the U since it is so big and you feel as though you are not as welcomed into the college like the incoming freshman. Gabrielson’s best piece of advice would be to get involved because that is the best way to get to know people and make yourself a part of the community.

There are places to go to get help and web sites made available to specifically help transfer students. MyU.umn.edu is the university’s public portal designed for transfer students. It has links to check your e-mail, personalized news content and a calendar with events going on around campus. It also has a wealth of information about making your first year a success.

Students can also see their advisor for any problems that they have and are encouraged to make an appointment during the first week or two of classes.

The Transfer Student Advisory Board is the only student group on campus that is made up of transfer students for transfer students. It was created a few years ago by Julie Dalbec and two of her roommates who had encountered problems at the U and wanted a place for other students to discuss their problems or to meet other transfer students. They meet once a month to discuss other students’ problems and the group is open to all students enrolled in the College of Liberal Arts. As the vice president of TSAB, Gabielson liked the group’s dynamic and also hearing about other student’s stories about how they came to the U. The group also helps you find your place within the large community and is a good support group on campus. Gabrielson says knowing that there is a group of students who know her is a good feeling.

To avoid getting lost and to help make your first year a success, here are a few tips: be open to new things that are offered to you, seek out help when you need it, go to sporting events located on campus and the various events that are listed on the university’s web site. The most important thing is to get involved in everything you can. Joining groups within your major are helpful because they have people with similar interests. And working toward a goal promotes cohesiveness among others. It is also important to balance your school work with your personal life. Remember: College can be the best time of your life no matter when you start and it is up to you to make it that way.

In what could very well be considered a cruelly inhumane joke on the part of UofM Housing and Residential Life, every year thousands of helpless incoming freshmen are thrust into the psychotic roommates, horrible music, abysmal food, and binge drinking-fueled vomiting. Join us for a dorm-by-dorm analysis of the good, the bad, and the ugly of living in the university’s much-maligned student housing.

Bailey
By Amy Fink
If you prefer the quiet life and having big, strong horse legs, Bailey is the residence for you. Located atop a hill on the west edge of the St. Paul campus, Bailey is home to those on the small, more private campus at the far end of the University Transitway.

The lower lounge has a kitchen, vending machine, pool table and pingpong table, but don’t expect the equipment for them to last long. Aside from activities at Rock Bottom—a community and social space, a few frats, farms and a cute little coffee shop, there’s very little else nearby, but the Rec Center is just down the block. There’s a Campus Connector bus that comes frequently, but expect a 20-30 minute commute to the East or West banks. The dining hall is conveniently connected to the dorm, but while the food there isn’t the worst on campus, it’s far from the best.

Centennial
By Haily Gostas
In comparison to Pioneer, which is without elevators and air conditioning, or the strictly-freshman auditory horrors of Territorial and Frontier, Centennial Hall comes off as the university’s Ritz-Carlton.

This fourth member of the Superblock certainly has its luxuries. It’s home to the largest dining hall in the block and a C3 grocery store-esque market—although the food’s quality and price leaves plenty to be desired.

The best part? Singles, baby! Centennial is made up almost entirely of decently sized single rooms, which bodes well for those looking to avoid getting stuck with/puked on/sexiled by that slutty alcoholic kleptomaniac roommate from hell. If double-bunking isn’t your bag, this is the best place to fly solo.

Comstock
By Jenny Odegard
Just far enough away from the 24-hour Superblock party and nestled against the upper-classmen in Yudof Hall, Comstock is University Housing’s answer to awkward social situations. The rooms are spacious and have their own sinks—a convenience not to be overlooked. On top of this, Comstock is about five minutes from most classroom buildings.

While the isolation from the other herds of freshman doesn’t at first seem an issue, as winter falls and you wonder what happened to all your friends, and that view of the river isn’t such a good consolation prize. Enter: pretending to like your weird smorgasbord of neighbors. Good luck.

On a Friday in February that’s too cold for you to leave the building, you will suddenly realize that you have no idea how to get to the other side to see your friends of the opposite sex without passing the security guard and at least one CA in the lobby. Plus, the horrible cafeteria food you crammed down before UDS’s worst venue’s 6:30 p.m. closing time is starting to roll around in your stomach.

If you do end up in Comstock, be sure to load up on EasyMac and take time in the first few days to navigate your way through the basement to the elevator by the laundry room — it takes you up to the boys’ side.

Frontier
By Kristen Mueller
Cramming 735 freshmen into a swastika-shaped dorm is asking for madness. Trust me, I’ve been there— and lived to tell the alcohol-soaked tale. Before I get into the details, I should mention that underage drinking is forbidden in the residence halls. Of course, that pesky technicality didn’t hinder anyone from blending margaritas on top of their University-issued bookshelves or knocking back shots in the room neighboring our CA. When things inevitably got out of hand, there tended to be a bathroom involved—and not just for regurgitating the night’s boxed wine and Chipotle burritos. I’ve watched a friend flounder on the communal shower floor in a futile attempt to sober up; nearly stepped on a girl who passed out between a row of toilets and sinks (she was wrapped in a blanket and cushioned by a pillow); and turned a corner to witness a student pissing on our CA’s door. I don’t doubt that most of you will encounter similar circumstances—I just hope your friends are lucid enough to haul your trashed ass to a real bed, preferably with a Target-issued trashcan below to catch the night’s remains.

Middlebrook
By Kim Gengler
Here is the all-important phrase for dorm dwellers: individual bathrooms. Yes, Middlebrook houses those elitist honors students, but they come with non-comunal bathrooms. During my time there, I never had to tote my toiletries down the hall past everyone and their parents, a major advantage to living in the “freak” dormitory.

But what gives Middlebrook this different reputation? Well, there are the arts floors and the drama kings and queens that reside there. These visual- and performing- arts students have a knack for living life as it is depicted on soap operas, which means they have their ups and downs daily. As mentioned, honors students also lurk in Middlebrook, making it quite eerie.

Personally, I delighted in the contrasts amid the groups and found the people that were somewhere in between the two extremes remain my friends.

Territorial
By Tyler Rushmeyer

One of four residential halls that make up the Superblock, T-Hall is a great place for the freshmen experience. Carpeted rooms and air conditioners that rarely work provide for moderate comfort as you awkwardly sit in silence with your new roommate. As for nutritional needs, a walk down the stairs and through the tunnel will lead you to the dingy confines of the Centennial Hall dining room. Is it worth $7 a meal? Probably not. But as you valiantly strive for the freshmen 15, there’s no place like Centennial on a late night, where you can stuff your face with greasy food rather than study for pointless generals. Overall, T-Hall is the cream of the crop for freshmen living, where all types of people can come together in dorm-room boxes and forget about high school.

By now you’re well versed in the stats: The U of M faculty teaches 60,000 students on two campuses, some of whom have formed groups of five, coughed up 20 bucks, and started one of the 600-plus student groups registered during the 2005-06 school year. These grandiose figures may reassure overwrought parents that their children will be able to find a niche on our sprawling campuses, but they do nothing to reflect the true cultural wealth of the U’s student groups.

From the Medieval Combat Society (re-enact your favorite battles from history class with foam-padded weapons!) to Keshet (targeted at queer Jewish folk) and the Theater of the Relatively Talentless (a medley of law students who sing and dance in the school’s annual musical), there’s an organization for even the most obscure interest.

AB Kilombo Capoeira
“Break dancing took off in New York [in the ’70s] because of Capoeira,” says Andrew Yerkes, president of the Afro-Brazilian Kilombo Capoeira martial art group. Spend a few minutes at one of their biweekly meetings in North Hall or watch the highly dramatized fight scene on the group’s website, www.abcapoeira.com, and you’ll see why.

Opponents dance on their hands, swing their legs beneath their bodies, cartwheel, flip and kick—all while bobbing back and forth in an elaborate dance-fight to the beat of Brazilian tambourines, drums and bells.

“It’s very rigorous and physically intense,” says Yerkes, a big, lanky guy who didn’t pack much muscle before he joined the club last year.

A mestre, or teacher, leads each meeting, where a predominantly female crowd practices footwork and attacks before they exercise their hard-won skills in a match.

“It’s not like hitting people,” Yerkes says. “You’re always moving with your partner,” and adapting hits to match the speed of the music thrumming through the building’s run-down gymnasium.

Although the university’s club emphasizes form over contact, injuries are inevitable when newbies are throwing their weight into a kick aimed two inches from their opponent’s face.

“People get hurt often,” Andrew says. “I’ve got bruises and scrapes in a lot of different places.” But as the saying goes, no pain, no gain.

Chicks with Flicks
Grab your best girlfriend (or guyfriend), sneak a piping-hot bag of Pop Secret into your purse (or man bag), sit back, relax, and let the hot guys appear … on the big screen, that is. Chicks with Flicks features movies with “engaging plots, memorable dialogue or uncomfortably attractive men.”

“It got out of control,” says the club’s president, Ella Schovanec, while describing the number of people interested in kicking back for a few hours of mindless entertainment and hunky men. “Our email list keeps growing.”

Don’t let the group’s name, or mission, fool you. There are plenty of guys in the club too.

“They show up to meet girls,” Ella explains.

The group meets monthly at Coffman Union or local theaters for new films, and throws a yearly Oscar party in the Great Hall. At this year’s soiree, the boys donned sport coats and ties while the girls dug up old prom dresses to watch the awards ceremony in style. Naked Barbies were spray-painted gold and given out to the best dressed. In 2004, this may have included students dressed as hobbits in support of Lord of the Rings, or as fish wearing windbreakers, cardboard fins and goggles for Finding Nemo.

While the Oscars are awash with drool-worthy men, Ella complains that there “haven’t been a lot of hot guys [in films] recently. … We found out the guy in [Aeon Flux], Martin Csokas, is a pan-sexual, and that totally ruined it for me.” Rob Schneider, on the other hand, was a surprisingly popular pick for hottest guy of the year.

Campus Crusade for Cthulu (CCC)
“I started CCC in 2003, after the heartbreak and disappointment of an uneventful millennium,” writes Dan Bayn in an email. “It was then that I realized you can’t just wait around for the apocalypse, you have to do something to make it happen.”

In Dan’s case, this meant corralling a few dice and a group of five to 15 imaginative students once a month to play cards and act out role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons and Call of Cthulu. During the former, Dan writes that students narrate scenes and improv dialogue about “a group of hapless investigators who come face-to-tentacled-face with Things Man Was Not Meant to Know.”

The Dread Cthulu is one such creature. H.P. Lovecraft, the cult hero of horror writing, describes the Great Old One as a cross between “an octopus, a dragon and a human caricature” with “a grotesque and scaly body, … rudimentary wings,” and “prodigous claws on hind and fore feet.” And you thought communal showers were scary.

To learn more about the obscene number of student groups hungry for new members, or to find out how to register your own wildly inventive extracurricular with the U, flip open your laptop or hit the nearest computer lab and check out the Student Activity Office’s website, http://www.sao.umn.edu/groups/.

Rumors circulated for years that the University has considered getting rid of it’s sponsorship with the Coca-Cola Company because of human rights violations by the company. But new evidence about the university president’s addiction to the fizzy intoxicating drink suggests that this day may never come.

Despite claims that he considered getting rid of the Coke sponsorship, University President Bob Bruininks recently told an unidentified source that the U could never get rid of it’s dependency on Coke dollars, mostly because the prez is too addicted himself. “Why do you think we have Coke instead of Pepsi?” he reportedly told our source.

When we contacted Bruininks to see whether or not this is true, he would only confirm the information by the empty Diet Coke cans surrounding his desk.

“I have to run to the vending machine for him at least four times per day, and this doesn’t count the Coke he drinks at lunch and the 24 pack that’s in his office,” Bruininks’ assistant, Sue McGan says. “I used to nag him about his addiction, but I have now realized their’s no point.” McGan mentions that Bruininks has weekly dentist appointments because the Coke is ruining his teeth.

McGan says chances are very slim that Bruininks will get rid of the U’s Coke sponsorship, due to his addiction. “If we got rid of the Coke sponsorship, Bruininks would quit as president. He thought about switching to Pepsi, but he’s just not a [Pepsi] fan,” McGan says.

In a survey of 50 students, The Wake found that students had a new respect for Bruininks when they learned of his Coke dependency. “Its cool to know that he’s human too, you know?” engineering sophomore Jon Fres says. “I mean who isn’t addicted to Coke?”

The human rights violations include unpaid overtime for Coca-Cola employees, horrible working conditions, and child labor, says a statement put out by the student group, Students Against Coke. It says the U should get rid of the sponsorship to take a stance against sweat shop-style labor.

But those who don’t really care about third world countries oppose this opinion. “That’s what America is about; taking advantage of the third world. If you enjoy shopping at the Gap and driving your car, then shut up and drink you’re Coke. It’s about being American,” says American studies Professor Don Hal.

Most students oppose to the sponsorship because the Coca-Cola Company has come under fire for violating human rights policies in its factories. “I do not want my school to enforce something that takes away the rights of others,” says women’s studies freshman E.B. Mal. “Why does our school have to be corporate?”

The answer to this is simple: To keep prices down. Bruininks has said that the U’s Coke sponsorship is vital because it pays for many of the amenities students enjoy, like a new scoreboard in Williams Arena. “It’s these kinds of features that attract students to our campus, so we want to keep taking advantage of that,” Bruininks says.

“The Coca-Cola sponsorship does keep tuition down because it pays for things we would normally take out of students pockets,” McGan says. “Bruininks would like to get rid of the whole Coke thing because then people would quit asking him about it, but he’s too much of closet addict to ever let Coke leave the campus,” McGan says. “Plus if he raises tuition and fees any more, he’s worried he’ll be impeached.”

Having a vending machine is every building is a consequence of the contract, but many students welcome the machines. “Without the vending machines, my day would be so much harder,” Fres says. “Almost everyone in all of my classes is always drinking some Coke product to make it through the boring prerequisites they make you take here.”

“If we didn’t have Coke, I’d just find Pepsi or buy it from the grocery store. I’d rather have Coke in my life than pay higher tuition without the sponsorship and sleep through my classes,” Ispep says.

This new evidence on Bruininks comes right on the tail of a new study that suggests that if students continue to consume Coke at their current rate, the composition of the human body may lose its dependency on water and rely solely on Coke.

In a shocking turn of events Friday, The Wake was granted full operational funding from the university for the 2006-2007 academic year. After the Student Fees Service Committee shorted The Wake more than $30,000 of their requested fees earlier this semester, the Strategic Positioning Research Task Force budgeted unlimited financial support for the student-run magazine.

The blank check does have a catch, though. “Its not like they gave them the money out of the goodness of their goddamned hearts,” says Vice Provost for Student Affairs Jerry Rineheart, who intervened to approve The Wake’s fees last spring but declined to do so this time around. The Research Task Force granted unrestricted funds to The Wake conditionally—the magazine has agreed to allow university researchers to study its production, as well as the staff’s academic and personal lives, up to 24 hours a day as long as deemed necessary.

“We have a chance here to really leave Wisconson in the dust,” says President Bob Bruininks, who developed the Strategic Positioning task forces to craft the university into one of the top three public research universities in the world. “At first I thought to myself, ‘Eh, let the Fees Committee shut that group of news-loving hippies down,’” Bruininks says, “but then I realized, we should take this opportunity to study these students, find out what makes them tick to prevent these types from cropping up around here again.” He explained that researchers chiefly want to understand why these students believe so adamantly that the student body—of more than 50,000 students spread across three campuses—deserves more than one publication.

“Do they have some kind of beef with the Daily? Where are they getting these crazy revolutionary ideas against a ‘monopoly of the press’? What are those new-fangled professors teaching them in their journalism classes? These are the questions we hope to answer,” says Tim Mulcahy, vice president for research. Mulcahy explained that the university is in a unique position to facilitate such a study. “Heck, most universities of this size and stature, especially those touting journalism schools, have historically funded a student magazine,” he said, “so they’ve already ignored a chance to examine the formation of something like this.”

Editor-in-Chief Kay Steiger says she is happy to be graduating this spring, before The Wake moves from its Dinkytown office to the center of Northrop Mall this summer. “I think it’s great, but personally, I’d feel weird working behind that interrogation glass,” she said. The new office will be a dome-like structure composed of two-way mirrors, explains Bruininks. Researchers will try to stay out of the way of production, by observing the newsroom from the other side of the glass, though they will follow Wake staffers to class, meals and “any personal outings or vacations of suspicion,” Mulcahy said. Researchers will bring camera-people as needed, and Wake staffers have consented to wear recording microphones at all times.

“Depending on how interesting the dynamic is, we might actually pitch it as a reality show,” Mulcahy says of the need to catch the research findings on tape. This is a new endeavor the task force began evaluating after managing editor Lane Trisko adds weekly pizza parties as well as a newsroom hot tub to The Wake’s account. “These researchers aren’t joking around. They want to study The Wake in it’s element, and we are sure as hell going to do everything we can to help that process,” Trisko says. “These ‘leisures’ are absolutely necessary for our office to operate in full effect,” he explains.

“Since the fees committee was unable to articulate how much it costs to run a publication like the Wake, were kind of at a loss,” Mulcahy admits. The research task force will trust The Wake, and approve all budget requests, he explains. “There’s just too much riding on this research to be frugal,” he says.

James DeLong, who founded the Wake in 2002 with Chris Ruen and is now on the Board of Directors, was “baffled,” when he found out he would be living with researchers and cameramen beginning in September. “Of course it is imperative that we analyze the people who first birthed this brainchild,” Mulcahy said of this decision. “I was hesitant at first,” DeLong says, “but I guess I’d like to find out why I ever had that crazy notion that magazine majors should not only be able to, but should actually be encouraged to work on a magazine during college. Plus, the researchers did offer fair incentives.” DeLong says he did not have time to provide details on incentives, as he was being interviewed via telephone during a busy Board of Directors meeting in Hawaii.

“All I can say is that the presence of researchers might hurt our game, our concentration on the work at hand,” explains Vincent Staupe, a Wake reporter who has been spotted driving a 2006 Z4 BMW Coupe around campus, “so we’re making sure we have certain comforts to offset that balance.”

Comforts or not, some Wake employees are still not thrilled to work under the eye of university researchers. “We’ve had to raise our salaries quite a bit to get our staff to stay and work under these conditions,” business manager Andy Tyra says. The Wake is currently hiring reporters for a new “World Travel,” section, private chef’s, bartender’s and masseuse’s for fall semester. See to apply.

Funds for the Wake will come primarily from what was previously budgeted as salaries for Student Fees Committee members, which is scheduled to be replaced by robots this fall.

Minneapolis MN—More than a hundred Christian missionaries from across the nation have migrated to the University of Minnesota for the annual “Preaching to the Pagans” conversion convention. This two-day event spotlights the yearly exodus of students from the university for the summer and the need for swift action to save their lost souls from living another 3 months away from the divine spirit of God.

Reverend Jeremiah Wakefield, Texan evangelist and director of “Preaching to the Pagans” explains the importance of reaching out to impressionable young students.

“The youth’s minds are being filled up with the liberal garbage about tolerance of other religions, peace, equality, and free love. What they really need to be taught is the good word of Jesus Christ, and God willing, we’ll covert every one of these hippies into upstanding Christian patriots.”

The goal of this years’ convention is to explore new and innovative ways to convert non-believers. Many of the speakers stressed the importance of implementing new techniques such as interpretive dance, puppetry and interacting on a personal level with students.

Although, it may seem like fun and games, many campus missionaries have had harrowing experiences while advocating the good word. One such occasion was during an event called “Take a Shot Against Sin” held at the Kappa Omericon Gamma Epsilon Fraternity last May. “The participants were told that there were free kegs and shots for all those who were willing to listen to a ten minute presentation about living life without sin,” said Samuel Monroe an aspiring minister, “At first we were thrilled to see how many students showed up to hear about the gospel, but the crowd soon became unruly when we explained that we had purchased root beer kegs and purely Jell-O shots instead of alcoholic beverages. Several people mooned us, and the bushes around the back were subjected to unnecessary watering. When a mob of students rushed the church van, knocking it back and forth was the first time I feared for my safety; it was pure chaos.”

Aside from periodic setbacks, most participants of “Preaching to the Pagans” describe it as an overwhelming success; we’ve almost had a convert the past four years in a row. Annie Mueller, three-year veteran says this about her experience at the convention “Its amazing to see such dedicated Christians making changes at such a sin-ridden University. If I can bring just one person into the light of the Lord, my life will be complete. Plus, that would totally secure my ticket to heaven.”