“Nothing can take away what happened to us, but we are survivors.”
These words begin to describe only a minute part of an even larger saga of war, fear, regret and wounds that time may never heal. Doan Hoang relives painful events in her family’s past with her new documentary film Oh, Saigon. The lens cap is removed as her family reveals shocking truths and opinions about their last minute escape from Vietnam. Under the shadow of war, Hoang’s family falls to pieces.
Hoang’s method of filming is simple. With camera in hand, she and her film crew keep a close watch on the subject. With no screen and no script, it brings out the genuine emotions.
“If I could put my finger on the moment my family fell apart, it would be April 13, 1975, the end of the Vietnam War,” says Hoang during the film’s opening scenes. It was something that would haunt every one of them for some thirty odd years, but no one ever talked about it. Always told by her parents that they would eventually return to Vietnam, Hoang became disenchanted when nothing came of it.
“After a while, you realize that it’s not going to happen. There was a sense of separation and loss.” A mixture of homesickness and curiosity got the better of Hoang and her thoughts began to spin the film early on. “I first wrote about the movie when I was eight. It was just something on my mind, it was so upsetting.” This fateful revelation planted a seed; a seed that grew over time.
History in any country has a tinge of biased documentation. The thoughts and emotions of “the bad guys” are never really looked into and the “other” perspective is never gained. Reading a history book or listening in history class is almost always done with an inquisitive ear, but always from a safe distance. The half-lidded expression of most students reflects the attitude. These things happened in the past, there must be some relevance to people now, something that should be learned. Yet what is written is accepted without deeper thought given to the subject matter.
“Why were the stories my parents told me so different from what I was getting in school?” Hoang asked. Where was the disconnect between the oral history she received from her parents and what the American textbooks were teaching her. Several papers, much research and a thesis later, Hoang’s curiosity would no longer sit dormant. “The more I found out, the more I wanted to write about family.” It was war that damaged the family, and the family who told the story.
However, re-opening wounds which have barely healed hurts a lot.
Hoang stated that before making the film, she never had a desirable relationship with her father. “I really knew nothing about him,” she says. Getting him to relive days gone by was an arduous task. “He didn’t have the nerve to tell me he didn’t want to be interviewed.” So he avoided it, and avoided it. Though all he really needed was a good push. Once the floodgates opened, there was no ebbing the flow. “When he started talking about Vietnam, he just couldn’t stop.”
The growth of Hoang’s relationship with her parents is well documented in Saigon as she doesn’t shy away from pulling the details out of her family members. In the process she learns that her parents were like any normal married couple with children. From her mother, Anne, and her socialite upbringing to her father, Nam, and his bashful pride when he says, “Your mother could have had anyone, but she chose me.” These indispensible tidbits which children rarely discover about their parents are gems in Saigon. Even down to the hidden family members and what they mean to the rest.
Like Uncle Hai, Nam’s older brother who had passionately supported Vietnam’s Communist party most his life, right up until his death in 2007. Despite the blood bond between them, the two brothers never agreed on the subject of politics. Then there is the harrowing journey of Hoang’s older half-sister, Van. A last minute decision by Hoang’s parents left Van behind in Vietnam. Eventually reaching the United States years later, Van will not let go and she won’t let her mother forget the decisions that were made. Although Doan’s mother continually says it was Van’s fault she was left behind, she still cannot hide the guilt. “We had no choice,” she cries and says sorry again and again. “We had to think of the family. I’m so sorry.”
For a good portion of the film, it seems as if thirty years have healed nothing. The emotions which ran rampant in those last days of Saigon are still as raw with every small mention. Hoang’s parents burst out in defense of their actions that day with an irony which is almost laughable. As they make their way to Saigon, city by city, tempers fall short as Van falls behind, again. “She always does this,” Doan’s mother says of Van’s lateness. “We should just leave her behind. Let her get a taxi.” Such attitudes die hard. The biting emotion is still there. People feel guilt but the events of the past block the reconciliation and the anger remains.
As Hoang says, there is a sense of loss in this film, a void that can never be filled to the brim. As the entire family returns to Vietnam on the second journey, the camera stays close on the heels of Nam, Anne and Van. Their words and their faces reflect unfulfilled expectations. They were no longer the people they used to be and the image they had of their home had changed.
“When you leave a country, it’s like that place is frozen in time. That’s what you expect when you come back,” Hoang says of her parent’s sentiments. “They lost out on the prime of their lives. My parents were always looking to come home, and when they did, Vietnam had changed.”
The Hoang family as a whole changed. After a life of American education, American workplaces and American culture, the Hoangs were strangers when they returned to Vietnam. Then again, they were strangers from the moment the war started.
As the South Vietnamese fled Saigon, there was one word used to refer to them: traitors. The Communists took over the government with the fall of Saigon and those of differing opinion were slapped with the title of traitor and had the possibility of death hanging over their heads. Saigon’s barefaced honesty and rolling tapes captured the aftermath of war that was still going on, and the hypocrisy of it all.
“When we came back with money, they called us ‘oversea patriots’,” says Naht Bang, the Vietnamese teaching specialist at the University of Minnesota, and audience member at Saigon. “The economy depends on money from overseas Vietnamese.”
The government of equality was seen from different perspectives: those who fought for it, like Uncle Hai, and those who found no value in it, like Nam. This two-faced standpoint is something American viewers don’t expect. Saigon does not want people to look at Uncle Hai as a crazed Communist. The words coming out of his mouth were genuine and full of the same things Nam still feels, conviction in the belief that their way of life could protect those they loved. Even the neutral felt the same thing.
“I didn’t have any ideals at all, but I was still forced to fight,” says Nam’s younger brother, Dzung, who, with a toothy smile, describes himself as a coward. “I didn’t think anything about capitalism or communism. You live under a government, and they make you fight. There’s nothing you can do.” Recognizing the fact that he had a family to care for, he made a choice. Though really, one has to consider the question, was Uncle Dzung’s choice any different or less valid than Nam, Uncle Hai, or Anna’s? They all made a decision for their family, for their beliefs. The consequences are still there and the ‘why’ is still being searched for.
This loss hangs over the heads of all the characters, each of them looking out for answers in Vietnam, but not finding much.
A bittersweet homecoming awaited them. Nam, being a pilot in the South Vietnamese army, getting out was his only option. “I had to leave,” he says in an interview with Hoang. “I didn’t have any other roads to choose. I could have been imprisoned by the Communists. I could have been killed right there.” For years he lived with that title over his head, never being able to go back, not able to bear the reality of a Communist government.
When they did return, a different Vietnam greeted them. They were no longer known as traitors, but they weren’t seen as true Vietnamese. They were the outsiders.
As time went on, however, the attitude changed. The economy had gone weak and the people who had the money were the traitors who had left Vietnam and “did nothing for the country,” as Nam`s older brother says.
“Tell your dad to come back,” laughes Uncle Dzung, “He’s called an ‘overseas patriot’ now.”
As much as the making of Oh, Saigon was a journey for Doan Hoang, it was just as much of an eye opening experience for the audience, many of whom were Vietnamese and some who escaped Saigon in those last few treacherous months.
“It is really about getting back to the roots, but then you can’t find yourself there. You are not Vietnamese,” says Bang, who empathizes the emotions of Nam and Anne in Saigon.
“It was pretty cool. It showed me a different perspective from what I would usually assume,” says Hoang Nguyn, a University of Minnesota student.
Such comments were shared by many, Vietnamese or not.
“Growing up here, I never got the Vietnamese perspective,” says another audience member, an American male, also a student.
How many mainstream films out there depict the Vietnam War and its aftermath in such a way as Oh, Saigon? When a person mentions ‘Vietnam’ and ‘film’ in the same sentence such movies as Apocalypse Now! and Rambo immediately come to mind. Really, what do these movies show us? Whose eyes are we looking through when we press play, and what are they saying to us? Really, how much do you know about the Vietnam War? Think about how it has affected you, your family, and everyone connected to you? That is what Hoang was and is thinking, what she is trying to explore.
Because right down to it, Oh, Saigon is about family and reconciliation. It’s forcing us to ask the question: how well do we really know our parents, our siblings, our country? How do the choices they made decide how we live our lives? The everlasting ‘why’ of their ways should be delved into, even if all the answers are not there.
There will be things lost, things forgotten and never retrieved. Then there are the things which you decide for yourself. As Hoang said to the audience, “Every experience, no matter how negative, you can turn it around.” There is no running from these things. The decisions made by the character in Oh, Saigon were with them always, and still are, but they have begun to turn it around. They look to themselves and their family, and they learn.