The Wake

It has been fifteen years since the United States’ government has seriously discussed illiteracy in America. President George W. Bush’s recent “No Child Left Behind” campaign hinted at the issue, but turned out to be merely a slogan to gain votes instead of a solution to help Americans. It was in fact during George H.W. Bush’s administration in the early 1990s that modern America was introduced to its startling illiteracy problem. In 1991, Congress passed the National Literacy Act to put an end to illiteracy in America. The bill states that “[in 1991] nearly 30,000,000 adults in the United States have serious problems with literacy.” Over ten years later in 2003, The National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL) did an extensive survey of American literacy rates. The findings, which were finally released in December of …

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More than the shared cups of sugar, people use the word “community” to describe a virtual Eden from our golden days. It was a time when children could play soccer on the street without worrying about getting abducted by weirdos or squished by cars. A time when little Billy shoveled old Mr. Fischer’s sidewalk with no promises of financial reward. A time of PTA meetings and block parties and neighborhood BBQs.Fast-forward to our current world of Hades and now bikes are double-bolted, kids hide inside from strangers and bacteria and the only union forged among community members is through Neighborhood Watch.Community, in all traditional sense, is dead. The maggots have moved in and found themselves a mighty cozy home.The way I see it, the perp is, ultimately, technology. But, has a crime really been committed?As …

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My eyes barely grazed the speckled pink countertops of my kitchen. I was waist high next to my mother, whose body seemed to reach to the sky; her figure was the pinnacle of elegance. She had returned from work late that evening. Her eyes were glazed from her morning jog, afternoon meetings and frequent journeys across the city. Tired as she was, my mother watched me carefully as I wandered around the room, making sure I wouldn’t step in harms way; that I was safe. She rummaged through the cabinets of our house, searching for concoctions that would somehow lead to a nourishing meal for me. Thinking only of others she neglected to fuel her own needs that day. As my mother stood next to the stove and looked down upon her only daughter, she …

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In 1940, Woody Guthrie wrote “This Land is your Land” in response to Irving Berlin’s “God Bless America.” Berlin’s standard song romanticized a false concept of America: “Let us swear allegiance to a land that’s free, let us all be grateful for a land so fair.” Even to this day, Americans sing this song as one of many anthems of the nation—its ideas are what created America. However, Berlin’s song unintentionally introduced the paradox of American freedom: in order to be free in America, one must sacrifice his or her freedom. Guthrie challenged Berlin and America by simply demanding that “this land was made for you and me.” In Guthrie’s eyes, Berlin‘s “allegiance” and gratitude toward American freedom as a payment to a landlord. Moreover, swearing allegiance—especially to a land where equality did not …

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Choose your poison, because in this land of polarity you’re bound to be labeled with one side of the American body image scale. That may sound dramatic, but with over two-thirds of American adults considered clinically overweight and disorders such as anorexia and bulimia on a constant rise, body shapes and sizes are losing their shades of gray. Early this January I sat with a close friend as we contemplated all the messages about how to fix our bodies that had been shoved down our throats since the New Year had begun. Food labeled “lean” this and “low-carb” that being broadcast into every orifice of our souls, not to mention every brand and their mother company offering diet challenges. With all these messages we were starting to fear that we were pretty fat.“There is a …

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This week, I watched The Notebook for the first time. I stretched out comfortably on a yellow suede couch, drowning in blankets, my stomach packed with chocolate cake. I had my best female friend on a couch beside me, tissues on hand. It was going to be a real estrogen fest. Throughout the film, she cooed at all of the romantic moments. She babbled about how cute the blond boy was. She yelped when they broke up, seemed like they might break up or engaged in any non-gushy relations.I quietly made gagging sounds.At the end of the movie, I glanced at her, curled up on her couch and, with slow deliberation, she turned and gazed at me with glassy eyes, tear-drenched lashes and a quivering lower lip. She asked me if I liked the movie.After …

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Soap: A cleansing agent made from a mixture of the salts of fatty acids of natural oils and fats. Humans have been cleansing themselves since prehistoric times; even cavemen figured out that washing mud off their hands with water was a good thing. Soap-like substances are known to have been used in ancient Babylon, dating back to 2800 B.C. Ancient Egyptians combined animal and vegetable oils with alkaline salts to create soap for treating skin diseases as well as for regular bathing. The early Roman civilization bathed sans soap, but as the culture evolved, the Greek physician Galen eventually recommended using it for medicinal purposes. Every great civilization has come to realize the benefits of soap (though it did take Europe a plague and three centuries to figure it out). It seems, though, that Yale …

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Would the world be a better place if Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri were no longer in it? Yes. However, terrorism will not die with the deaths of bin Laden or al-Zawahiri, as the U.S. government initially led the American people to believe following the attacks of Sept. 11th. The U.S. government made the two terrorists figureheads of world evil in the eyes of Americans. Both men are evil and so is the Al Qaeda organization they represent, but they do not embody terrorism alone.World terrorism is like a worldwide guerilla war—there is no real end and no known enemy. Yet America conveniently pointed their missiles at the Middle East after the Sept. 11th attacks, even though terrorist cells existed elsewhere. As a result, the U.S. government identified terrorism only as Osama bin Laden …

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As the United States and much of the world fretted over the elections in Palestine and Iran’s growing threat, Pakistani Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz visited the White House Jan. 17. Aziz used American airtime to say all the right things, pledging to fight both “terrorism in all its forms” and the proliferation of nuclear weapons. Meanwhile, President George W. Bush hailed the U.S.-Pakistani relationship as “strategic” and “a vital friendship for keeping the peace.”Vital, certainly—but this “anchor of regional peace and security,” as Aziz boasts of his country, remains far from a dependable ally in the war on terror.Granted, Pakistan is undergoing positive political and economic reforms, attempting to make peace with India, and has allegedly arrested or killed more than 700 al Qaida members. But in spite of Aziz’s claim to …

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A lot of people would love to save money and help the environment at the same time. Anyone who has ever considered going vegan, thought about buying a hybrid vehicle, or had to pay to recycle knows that thriftiness and earth-friendliness are not always compatible. Wouldn’t a little incentive be nice?Last year our government agreed on a set of rules regarding energy policy in the United States in an attempt to combat the growing energy crisis. Like many other components of the Energy Policy Act of 2005, this year the Hybrid Tax Credit has gone into effect. The small “Alternative Motor Vehicle Credit” section of this complex bill is dedicated to granting tax credit to people who buy hybrid cars in 2006. People and businesses that buy brand new motor vehicles that obtain at least …

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A light wisp of golden sunlight has broken the concentration of a lovely dream. She wakes slowly, yellow crust still in her eyes. With careful ease, she lowers her hand and rubs tight circles around her nipples. She fondles the silky, long brown hair on her breast and dives south to release an early morning onslaught. Dressed in only a fresh glow of orgasm, she rises and greets her mother with a quick genital fondle. She heads out, dry humps a palm tree and is ready to face the day: to take on the world, to fight for her rights as a female, as a highly intelligent being. Or, maybe she’ll just hang out and screw her neighbors. Yes. That does sound better.The bonobo is a primate of the same genus as the chimpanzee. …

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Before performing the song “Masters of War,” Bob Dylan once said, “I don’t mind the Ten Commandments, I believe in the Ten Commandments. The first one, ‘I am the Lord thy God,’ is a great commandment, if it isn’t said by the wrong people.” Decades after Dylan’s remarks, the wrong people still have the loudest voices when representing religion. Televangelist Pat Robertson is second only to President George W. Bush in using religion as an instrument to gain power. Just as Bush campaigned that “God wants me to be president” to the religious conservatives and evangelicals of America to sway the 2004 elections, Pat Robertson has used the same religious conservatives and evangelicals to acquire an important voice in America to spread his right-wing ideals.Robertson’s The 700 Club television program acts as a soapbox from …

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The world seems to eat multiculturalism up with a spoon. The University of Minnesota has the multicultural kickoff every year, McDonald’s has a website dedicated entirely to it’s Asian customers. All this fuss over everyone being included, Being a minority pretty much kicks ass. But this story is not about that, my friends. This is about my plight: the plight of someone only half multicultural. I am not white enough to join the yacht club, not Asian enough to be a manicurist. Neither negative stereotype works, and that’s a sad state of affairs. I am terrible at math, I did not enjoy the 11 years of piano I was paid to endure, I get mistaken for Jewish more than acknowledged for my Filipino and Chinese roots. Yet when applying to college, I mark “Asian/Pacific Islander.” …

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The Weather Channel lists the average high temperature of Minneapolis in December at 26 degrees. So why does anyone live here? Good question.Every winter people call attention to the many negative aspects of living in an arctic-esque climate. It’s a view that fits in nicely with overcast skies seasonal depression. But I am going to do a public service and try to cheer people up.Sure you may be paying exorbitant energy prices just to keep your place warm enough to keep your cheeks from freezing to the toilet seat, but look on the bright side. Think of every morning you go about your business as a little lottery. Except instead of truckloads of money, you may win the ability to urinate without incident.There are two simple remedies I recommend if you live in a …

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America’s youth are naively succumbing to manufactured images produced by America’s big corporations and organizations for profit. As a result, there are adolescents walking America’s streets with no clue as to what reality is. These males and females are mainstream culture consumers. They are caught in a coma of reality and are subsequently sustained by whatever image corporate America prescribes. Alone, this fact is not a great evil or threat to humanity. However, if one does not read the warning labels of particular images, then potential health risks to the whole of society can occur.As of now, America is the great melting pot for images of the 21st Century. Walk down any street in any major American city and you will see a representation of almost any group. This should not be confused with diversity, …

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