Battle of the Burgers

This week’s feature delves into the seriousness that is American food. Our very own Wakies went to six different burger establishments in the Twin Cities area, tasted burgers at every one, and have delivered their thoughts on the matter. With three categories, rankings on six aspects of the experience, and monumental commentary, we’ve got you covered for every possible burger rendezvous.  Dig in.

Photographer: Mariah Crabb

Photographer: Mariah Crabb

Fast Food
(In other words, where you go when you’re drunk after a long night) 

Overall consensus: The Big Mac was surprisingly good, and the Dinkytown McDonald’s had some nice decor.

“What we have here, is not a Big Mac, but a big debauchery” –John Blocher (S&V Editor)
“I rate it 3 because I can’t actually eat it” –Alex Van Abbema (Editor-in-Chief)  
“I wanna give it a 4 just on a nostalgic basis” –Emma Klingler (Voices Editor)
“Would it be better if I were drunk?” –Carson Kaskel (Online Editor)

Service: 8.5
Taste: 5.5
Appearance: 5.5
Ambiance: 7.5
Affordability: 10
Versatility: 3.5

Burger King:
Consensus: While the colors and props throughout the restaurant try to make the Washington Ave. Burger King a unique, University of Minnesota experience, the ambiance fell flat. Plus the Whopper was horrendous.

“I have a visceral response to this, I’ve had bad experiences in Burger King. I saw the slushy and was like wow this is even more like a gas station” –Emma Klingler
“If you’re a vegan you could eat this because it’s not even meat” –Carson Kaskel
“This is bad” –John Blocher

Taste: 2
Appearance: 7
Ambiance: 4.5
Service: 7.5
Affordability: 9.5
Versatility: 2.5

WINNER: McDonald’s (by far)

Fast Casual that you don’t have to sit down for:
(In other words, if you’re a cheap date)

Five Guys:
Consensus: While Five Guys is a little expensive for the average student on a budget, the burgers are great.

“This flavor profile is just insane” –Emma Klingler
“Five Guys feels clinical – too sterile for my liking” –Carson Kaskel
“Dinkytown is just made for drunk people” -Mariah Crabb (Photographer)

Taste: 7
Appearance: 4.5
Ambiance: 6
Service: 7.5
Affordability: 3
Versatility: 9

Photographer: Mariah Crabb

Photographer: Mariah Crabb

Overall consensus: My Burger is relatively affordable with a strong variety of options (see the fish burger), and has a good taste overall. You may or may not dig the quirky décor.

 “It’s a little schmoozy, like ooh ergonomics”/ “I do like the mustard bottle squeezing from the ceiling though” –John Blocher
“There’s like 1000 calories in a burger” –Alex Van Abbema
“I could eat a cup of the mayo and be good to go” –Emma Klingler

Taste: 6
Appearance: 7
Ambiance: 6
Service: 9
Affordability: 5.5
Versatility: 8.5

WINNER: My Burger

Actual Restaurants!
(Congrats! You’ve reached the realm of real food)

Consensus: Annie’s is a classic Dinkytown burger joint, and the Plaza burger was a decent burger experience for our crew.

“This is something that, like, your great grandma would make you, at a cabin” –John Blocher
“I’m whelmed – not under or over whelmed” –Carson Kaskel
“Maybe all of the juices congregated in one half of the burger”-Emma Klingler

Taste: 7
Appearance: 8.5
Ambiance: 8
Service: 7.5
Affordability: 7.5
Versatility: 8.5

Photographer: Mariah Crabb

Photographer: Mariah Crabb

Blue Door Pub:
Consensus: Even though almost half the burger menu was unavailable for the night, we were blown away by the taste of Mount Blucuvious.

“After a spilled beer and an awkward experience with our server, we are going to taste the burger now”-Carson Kaskel
“This looks even better when it’s being cut, it’s like oozing out the sides”-Emma Klingler
“This is the best I’ve had so far – one bite and I know”-John Blocher

Taste: 9.5
Appearance: 9
Ambiance: 9
Service: 8
Affordability: 7
Versatility: 4

WINNER: Blue Door