Leap Day Round Up

“Happy Leap Day!” is not a common phrase. Granted, we only have one chance every four years to say it, but even then it’s a sparsely used phrase. Let’s face it: Leap Day isn’t that special. The post office delivers, school is in session, everyone goes to work, and there isn’t even a special section of Leap Day candy at Target. But maybe Leap Day is something we should celebrate just because we can. Maybe it’s a good day to reflect—what were you doing last Leap Day, four years ago? Who will you be four years from now? And if that’s too existential for you, just put a skip in your step and enjoy this whole extra day for exactly what it is… more time!

 

Issue7_Spring2016_cover

Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova
Designer: Caleb Vanden Boom

Leap Day Checklist

By Grace Birnstengel

Don’t let this special day slip past you! Check these items off for a successful Leap Day.

  1. Clean your toilet
    Seriously, you keep saying you’re going to do it, but you keep not doing it.
  2. Tell them you like them
    The worst thing that can happen is rejection. And then when you reflect back on it, it’ll be like it never even happened. February 29? What?
  3. Watch movies like “Donnie Darko,” “Back to the Future,” and “Hot Tub Time Machine”
    Leap Day is basically as close as you’ll ever get to time warping, so get in the spirit with these holiday movies!
  4. Call your grandma
    If you run out of things to talk about, just yell HAPPY LEAP DAY!!
  5. Have a cheat day
    If you’re on a diet, you might as well break the diet on Leap Day. It barely counts.

Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova

Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova

“Leap Year” (2010) Review
Pop culture’s most notorious ode to Leap Day is insultingly bad
By Abby Richardson

“Leap Year” shows that spoon-feeding rom-com tropes down viewers’ throats only works when your leads are actually charming. The film stars Amy Adams, some English guy, and Adam Scott, whose talent is supremely wasted as Adams’ “stuffy” boyfriend Jeremy. Adams plays Anna, an uptight apartment “stager” who decides to travel to Dublin to propose to Jeremy because an old Irish tradition states that women can propose to their boyfriends as long as it’s on Leap Day. Otherwise, women proposing to men is definitely unacceptable. However, as fate would have it, Anna gets lost in the Irish countryside on her way to Dublin and meets a handsome innkeeper named Declan. Hilarity ensues! Anna and Declan couldn’t be more different—Anna is uptight and loves to shop, while Declan is rude and crass. Both are supremely unlikable. But the plot thickens: These two might actually fall for each other, despite only communicating to each other through yelling for half of the movie.
“Leap Year” couldn’t be more gimmicky unless it was actually released on Leap Day or even in a leap year, which feels like a bit of an oversight. The film portrays Irish country folk as heavy drinkers who only speak in riddles, and women as marriage-hungry savages who just gotta have that ring. Our unlovable leads, in fact, end up having to pretend to be a married couple in order to stay at an inn overnight. The other patrons of the inn insist that the Anna and Declan kiss to prove their love, and boy, does Declan deliver. Anna knows now that she has to leave her comfortable life with her nice, likable boyfriend of four years for this goon because the magic of the countryside compels her to. Unfortunately, “Leap Year”’s only redeeming quality is its cinematography by the same person who worked on “Drive” and “X-Men.” Like Leap Day itself, I have to wonder why this film even exists at all except to perpetuate gender roles and weird stereotypes about the Irish for 100 minutes.


Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova

Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova

A Leap Of Faith
Exposing the reality of Leap Day
By Colin Miller

What I am about to tell you is the reason why I look over my shoulder reflexively every few seconds when I walk by myself. It is not information that we are supposed to have. You see the signs and the symptoms but you can only see the source if you look for it, and even then, only for a moment long enough to realize the mistake you made trespassing into something unimaginably sinister. In order to understand, however, I need to start at the beginning.

Yes, I mean the very beginning. As in “of time.” In the aftermath of the Big Bang, the momentum of the bursting singularity caused the most central particles to collide with such force that their physical structures became warped beyond the recognition of common chemistry. These particles were so unstable that they blinked in and out of existence chaotically, storing so little energy in their mangled molecular bonds that they could not be sustained. These microscopic Houdinis are known as Low Energy Alternating Particles—or LEAPs.

With me so far? The story gets interesting around the summer of 1812, when a mysterious, metallic capsule was found near a fjord in southern Norway by a band of salmon fishermen. They bashed the capsule against various rocks and hard surfaces but discovered they could hardly put a dent in it, so they kept it as a divine artifact and started a small but influential cult based on the uknuselige gjenstanden (unbreakable object). Human sacrifices were regular practice, as were elaborate mathematical calculations. By their logic, every four complete solar revolutions, the alignment of the planets would be so that anybody sacrificed would have the most direct path to the afterlife.

What they never knew was that the capsule was planted by a time-travelling scientist with a proclivity for population control. Filled to the brim with LEAPs, the instability of the capsule was to be used as a weapon, but ended up inspiring more murders than ever intended, even to this day. The scientist’s date of travel: February 29—a fictional date engineered using concentrated LEAPs to erase the evidence after his mission’s completion. Little did he know that nothing disappears forever… happy freakin’ Leap Day.


Bet You Didn’t Know That!
Leap Day by the numbers
By Lauren Cutshall

Each year consists of just under 365 ¼ days—not the 365 you were told as a kid. But we account for it with one whole day every four years, instead. That’s a whole six more hours to binge watch Netflix in bed each year!

Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova

Illustrator: Lizzie Goncharova

Chances of being born on Leap Day are about 1 in 1,464. That means being a leapling is almost 10 times more common than finding a four-leaf clover on your first try (1 in 10,000). However, if you’re a leapling who consistently finds four leaf clovers there is a 99 percent chance you’re a leprechaun.

Actor leaplings include Dennis Farina who was on 46 episodes of “Law & Order” and Antonio Sabato Jr. who was on 14 episodes of “General Hospital” and 7 episodes of “Melrose Place.” Perhaps Leaplings make better daytime television stars.

We can’t forget about leapling Tony Robbins! Everyone’s favorite motivational speaker was ranked 32nd on Forbes’ “Celebrity 100” back in 2007, earning over $30 million.

Billy Turner—think horse trainer, not offensive lineman for the Dolphins—is a leapling who trained Seattle Slew, winner of the Triple Crown in 1977.

On a leaplings 32nd birthday, their Leap Day birthday will make them only 8 years old. Talk about forever young.

That also means that while other 17-year-olds are excited to see R-rated movies by themselves, a leapling who is only 17 (really 68) will be paying the senior citizen admission price at the movies.