Trumping Trump

What other barely political candidates could win against the Donald?

The Republican establishment is dumbfounded. Many prominent members of the party have spoken out against the real estate king and presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump. Yet, despite their best efforts to warn people about his volatility and lack of policy acumen, it seems that he remains well on his way to becoming the Republican nominee. Every effort that has been made to throw support behind one of his competitors has failed to stick. Frankly, none of them have the charisma or star power to match the celebrity candidate, which is why the establishment is looking at this the wrong way.

To halt Trump’s seemingly insurmountable momentum, they will need to go beyond a normal candidate. In the vein of this unconventional election season, we propose some alternatives that our experts believe may present a real challenge to the Donald.

Max Smith - Trump Trump

Justin Trudeau

It is true that he is currently serving as the Prime Minister of Canada, but should that prevent this dashing maple leaf from making a bid to run the U.S. as well? And following his recent, overly genial White House visit, there is no doubt that President Obama himself would throw his support behind such a candidate. Trudeau’s biggest obstacle could be the inevitable questions that would circulate about his birthplace. But really, isn’t Canada kind of a U.S. colony anyway?


Gordon Ramsey

We know what the people want. They want a leader who can shout in the face of inadequacy. They want someone who isn’t constrained by manners or political correctness. And, clearly, they want a reality TV star. Enter Gordon Ramsey. He is the perfect character match to Trump, and he can guarantee that he will make America delicious again. Of course, he faces the same citizenship issue as the aforementioned Trudeau. But as we’ve seen this election season, you can bend any rule past the breaking point as long as you are brash enough.

Eli Manning

Manning would certainly by viewed as a political outsider. However, he may be the candidate who wants this enough to charge past the unstoppable Donald and snag the nomination. Manning watched with apparent disgust as his brother won another Super Bowl title this year. It was clear from his emotionless face, captured for all to scrutinize, that he was already calculating his next move to make a comeback as the dominant Manning. And what other move could give him more of a definitive win than a presidential nod?

To halt Trump’s seemingly insurmountable momentum, they will need to go beyond a normal candidate.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

People were abuzz with excitement when former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin delivered a mind-boggling speech in support of Trump at one of his rallies. Giving her blessing to the front-runner doesn’t suggest a campaign challenge from Palin any time soon, but that doesn’t have to stop Tina Fey from reviving her brilliant turn as the audacious Alaskan. It’s nearly impossible to tell them apart when Fey is in full maverick mode anyway. And let’s face it: we can’t get enough of Sarah Palin.

Leslie Knope

If roles are going to be reprised in this race, there is no question that Leslie Knope has a place on the ticket as well. She is certainly equipped to deal with a candidate of Trump’s nature after working with the likes of councilman Jeremy Jamm. Her passion for politics, and the overwhelming sunniness of her personality, could unite the U.S. in bipartisan support of Knope 2016, toppling the Trump dynasty.

Chester Cheetah

Look, we know this one is a bit far-fetched. But, if we are considering characters here, why not? Trump may think he has this in the bag, but imagine if he had to face off against the original orange-faced Cheetos mascot. Chester drips swagger with his dark sunglasses and smoothly murmured slogan: “dangerously cheesy.” That level of cool confidence may be what is necessary to top Trump’s assurance of his own greatness.

It is clear that the present resistance to the Trump movement will continue to appear lackluster next to the infamous leader himself. But consider the disruption that any one of these potential candidates could cause in the seemingly inevitable nomination. If the Republican establishment is serious about their beliefs that Trump is a menace to the ideals of their party, they need to learn to fight this battle the only way that works—fire with fire.