Five Things to Buoy Our Plummeting National Confidence

Keep these in mind to help you not freak the fuck out right now

Illustrator: Taylor Daniels

Illustrator: Taylor Daniels

1. You can smoke weed in more states!

With recreational or medical marijuana provisions opening up in Massachusetts, Nevada, Arkansas, Florida, North Dakota, and California, those states’ economies can be expected to flourish, especially while capitalizing on widespread public agitation. These victories for natural medicine, minimal-harm diversion, and progressive drug policy are inspiring, and leave advocates hungry for more (Doritos, that is).

2. A Tribe Called Quest dropped a new album!

Our president-elect isn’t the only one trying to take America back in time. One of hip-hop’s premier groups, featured prominently on beer-stained t-shirts of white dudes with knit hats, returned after eight years to kick the dust off some classically funky beats. Tribe’s message of unity and democratic empowerment reaches us now with a heartening impact. Plus, Q-Tip’s voice is so tranquilizing, Future’s probably trying to find a way to abuse it. RIP Phife Dawg.

3. You no longer have to guess if people in your life are bigoted!

For years, many of your friends, relatives and acquaintances harbored racist, misogynist, or otherwise intolerant views. However, because the status quo has been so dang PC, sharing questionable Facebook memes was their only outlet, and those are easy to miss since you probably unfollowed them months ago! Now, as seen by countless instances of deplorably insensitive graffiti and other forms of harassment, their confidence is higher than ever, passing the savings of time, energy, and association on to you. Cut ‘em off, tune ‘em out, use ‘em as motivation to do better.

4. We literally have no idea what Trump is actually gonna do!

After leading a campaign wrought with flip-floppery, lies, and manipulation, the [pick an orange noun] that our electoral college apparently made a series of conscious decisions to select has already begun to backpedal on issues including the infamous wall and the repeal of Obamacare. Though his cabinet looks grim, the best call at the moment might just be to wait out the actual decisions and act from there. Heck, he’s so good at pedaling back and forth, he should ride a unicycle! On a tightrope. That’s on fire.

5. We are not powerless!

It’s up to all of us to exercise more empathy, more awareness, and more political agency in the days to come. The POTUS is neither a dictator nor a king, and the majority of control over our day-to-day lives still rests in our own hands. With that in mind, we can support each other in this trying time, mitigating our fear and unrest with a ceaseless resolve to press on. We are strong, and we refuse to accept a win for hatred as a loss for love.