The Wake

Shots of Jägermeister and a toast “to evil.” It’s 11:39 p.m. and the final rounds of Guitar Hero at Memory Lanes bowling alley are about to go off with a bang, perhaps? I am three drinks deep watching blazing stars of rock come and go every three and a half minutes. This is opening night of Guitar Hero II, a PlayStation 2 game where players plug in digital guitars (think Fisher Price) and pretend to shred with a series of buttons located on different parts of a plastic fretboard.

Not sure how to feel about it? It’s understandable, but this game is actually really entertaining. Guitar Hero II seems to market itself to people who love to rock but simply can’t. Artists like Stone Temple Pilots, Danzig, Nirvana and Rage Against The Machine lend a helping hand to all the wannabes in the world, and rock enthusiasts finally have the opportunity to face the facts and come to terms with pretending. Because doesn’t it just seem much more practical to learn to play a video game version of a musical instrument than to learn the real version? The ironic part of the situation is that the songs being played in the game are not done by the actual artists. Instead they’re covered by another band which seems to have no shame (think “Kidz Bops”). I first noticed this when at the end of Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name Of” Zack de la Rocha suddenly didn’t sound so angry. I soon realized that some words had been changed, and that some bands had probably not given their permission. Don’t worry though; we can all sleep easy knowing that record companies own most of their artists’ freedom, the songs still made it into the game, just in a nice cellophane “soft around the edges” wrapping.

Regardless of the ethics, Guitar Hero night was pretty damn fun. The people who buckle down at Memory Lanes every Wednesday come to draw a line in the sand, if only for four minutes. This in itself is commendable, plus you can get drunk. Can’t do that at the arcade, can you? With a touch of Dance Dance Revolution fanaticism, and along the same wavelengths as its two predecessors, Frequency and Amplitude, Guitar Hero and now Guitar Hero II call for massive amounts of rapid-fire hand eye coordination and amazing finger skills: what I like to call “fingertelligence.” I don’t know what possible life skill playing Guitar Hero II can attribute to one’s character, but I was insanely impressed by the people who were getting perfect scores after more than three cocktails. When a girl player leaned back for a solo and struck a rock-star stance that could make Angus Young thunderstruck, I almost fell in love.

After speaking with manager of Memory Lanes, Greg Peterson, I learned that the event, as well as your eligibility to win prizes, is all free of charge. Pabst Blue Ribbon and Grain Belt are both two bucks a pint and there’s no cover. Hell, why not.