The Wake

Over the past few months, some excellent B-movie schlock has come to my attention. I feel the need to point out to the readers the very best. So I will give you the rundown on some of the best films from well below the mainstream radar.

Hardcore Poisoned Eyes is a masterful work of suspense and terror. This Sal Ciavarello-directed film deals with the story of three young women who go to the country to get blitzed. However, they stumble upon a great menace, finding themselves the unwitting targets of a violent satanic cult. The story builds up to a great level of suspense and is actually quite frightening. Also, a huge positive is the fact that this film succeeds without buckets of blood or pointless sex.

Lucky tells the demented tale of an alcoholic cartoon writer. One day while driving drunk, he hits a small dog, Lucky, with his car. He decides to take the dead dog as his pet. After a while, the dog begins to talk. Our writer produces comic gold which he before had never been capable of, quits drinking and even meets the girl of his dreams. But the fun is not to last for long. He soon descends into bizarre S&M fantasies and necrophilia, and blood feeds his creativity. Very messed up, but if you can take the blackest of black comedies, this is for you.

Hey… Stop Stabbing Me! is one of the ultimate good “bad” movies. It is shot on video and the cast is inexperienced and cartoonish. The plot is pretty transparent (so I feel it best to leave out details), but there are a few demented twists and the comedic timing is dead on. Oh, and one cannot forget the only lounge song about statutory rape (as far as I have heard). This film is blatantly wacky. Patrick Casey is hilarious as Herman Schumacher and has facial expressions reminiscent of a toned down Jim Carrey. Two notes of interest: the film takes place in Minnesota, and director Worm Miller is a University of Minnesota graduate.

Jane White is Sick and Twisted is also demented, but with a romantic twist. Kim Little portrays Jane White, a TV-addicted twenty-something women who lives with her agoraphobic mother (Alley Mills) and believes TV talk show host “Gerry” (David L. Lander) is her father. She of course would do anything to get herself on his show. What ensues is a bizarre Oz-like journey to his program. On the way, Jane finds love. A love so strong he would kill for Jane, repeatedly. There are appearances in the film by Colin Mochrie, Maureen McCormick and Dustin Diamond. This is a cult classic to be.

Director Zachary Hansen has brought forth Killer Me, an excellent psychological thriller. This film takes the viewer inside the mind of Joseph (George Foster), a criminology student with a little secret. He portrays the madness of his character magnificently, and the nervousness of his girlfriend and classmate Anna (Christina Kew) is also quite memorable. This is a disturbing, stylish film that gets my highest recommendation.

Skinned Alive is classic schlock. This film centers on a family of three hick killers traveling about in their van, with humor mildly reminiscent of Bad Taste. Directed by Jon Killough, this film provides the viewer with the absolutely most memorable scene involving two adult serial killer siblings and the skin of a dead (er… dying) man. The gore is definitely in the splat-stick category. The plot is nothing amazing, but that’s not the point. The final showdown between the drunken ex-cop hero and the lunatic family is not to be forgotten.

Well, I have given you a brief run down on some great B-movies. I hope I haven’t spoiled the plot for any of them and that you will head on down to Blockbuster or Hollywood Videos and pick one up… Oh, and I will quickly make mention of one film where only the name is necessary… BARN OF THE BLOOD LLAMA! ‘Nuff said.