The Wake

[Editor’s note: We all know that the food at McDonald’s changes on an almost hourly basis. With each shift it seems comes a different selection of culinary skill levels. That said, we thought it’d be nice to have a food review to fit such consistently fluctuating quality levels. So – feel free to fill in the blanks tell the world just how your golden arches was today!]

They come, inebriated and hungry, searching for cheap satisfaction. The yellow neon lights attract bar flies for miles around. What could be a better mid-party break than a double cheeseburger and twist cone all for under $2.50? As I found out this past weekend — not much. I must admit that I probably haven’t stepped into a McDonald’s, other than the occasional road trip bathroom break, in years. Despite the slight nostalgia I have from my Happy Meals as a child, McDonald’s now resonates in my mind as the corporate American prodigy child, fattening the world one country at a time. Despite all my misgivings, I arrived at Mickey-D’s this Saturday, September 18th, at about 12:45 a.m. with an open mind and an empty stomach.

As I entered the parking lot, I was greeted by the familiar hoots of drunkenness. Groups of the university’s finest congregated in and around McDonald’s waiting for or enjoying their meals, which cost them about 500 calories per dollar spent. Once inside, my companions and I were pleasantly surprised to see friends standing in the 15 person deep line. The small room reeked of greasy goodness and was filled with the sounds of drunken dialing, and boisterous conversation.

At one point, a group of Abercrombie clad girls sang a unique rendition of Happy Birthday. Another interesting addition to the usual McDonalds atmosphere was the security guard, a tall and heavyset man in red flannel, protecting the clean empty indoor dining section and chaperoning the McDonalds patrons.

When our group finally made it to the counter, I asked the employee manning the register if this was a common weekend occurrence. She answered with a smirk that yes it was, and that it was actually slow right now. I ordered a ___________ and a ________, while my friends ordered a _____________ with a ___________, a _____________ with a ___________, a __________ with _______ and ____________. Our orders came rather , but we did have to promt the employees to give us our __________. It was a beautiful night so we headed for one of the empty tables outside. To our dismay, the tables were caked in ________, _______, pop syrup, and _________. We decided to walk back to our apartment and consume our cholesterol filled morsels there.

My ________ was but a bit . The two ________ came in these old school boxes. One of my friends was dismayed to discover she did not get the _______ she ordered, nor did she get her _________ but a ________instead. She was, however, ___that her _________ could shoot stuff. __________ require minimal assembly and proved to be quite , especially as the night progressed. My friend’s _____________ delivered a ___________burger, which was __________ even in the early hours of morning. The most rewarding part of the meal was the _____________, which for just ________ dollars are both and . Overall our experience was , and a trip for reasonable and food may repeat itself, in a substance-induced state in other weekends to come.