The Wake

Ahhh! There’s nothing quite like that first cup of coffee to start the day. And with my beautiful, and insulated The Passion of the Christ™? coffee mug, I can remind myself as well as others around me the sacrifice that Jesus made for mankind…now if I could only figure out why people fiercely avoid me in the workplace? We’ve all heard about the merchandise tied with Mel Gibson’s film, and as absurd as the very notion – why not? The Passion is on track to well surpass the $300 million mark on its fifth weekend in the US. And, I guess merchandise such as mugs with crucifixes and nail jewelry are a little subtler than something like Burger King’s The Passion Kid’s Club Meal (includes a Jesus action figure – with battle damage!)

But unlike most wildly successful films with crappy merchandising attached, The Passion has enjoyed oodles of free publicity: it’s been heavily accused of being anti-Semitic; actor Jim Caviezel was struck by lightning during filming…as well as assistant director Jan Michelini – twice (!); two people died from heart attacks at viewings (one in Wichita, one in Brazil), and it recently sparked the confession of a 21 year old Texan who had murdered his pregnant girlfriend, and made it look like a suicide. Slap those together with the killer combination of Jesus and ultra violence, and, well, God bless America, you have yourself a mega-hit!

As the controversy surrounding the film subsides, one thing remains clear: Mel Gibson has taken the “Greatest Story Every Told”, and merely updated it for the 21st Century American audience. The result: the most lucrative snuff film ever sold! With a meager $25 million pocket change, the aggressively devout Catholic Gibson funded this accurate interpretation of the Gospels’ account of Jesus’ final hours. The film is indeed so accurate that we get to watch Jesus be accurately pummeled for two hours! And as the Roman soldiers pulled out the cat-o-nine tails to work on Jesus for a while, I realized I made the faux paux of buying popcorn on a couple of different levels.

From what I could gather from the oh-so excessive violence, Gibson must feel that above anything, Jesus’ demise is far more significant than his work and message. The importance of the crucifixion has evidently been dulled through generations, and it’s time for a good ol’ wake-up call via the most brutal, graphic bloodshed this side of Mondo Cane or Faces of Death. Basically, Mel Gibson is validating the use of exploitation as a means of emotional evocation – in essence, a tool for the reawakening of the faith of viewers. Despite being a Catholic myself, I must admit I bought a ticket for The Passion not out of the desire to reevaluate my faith, but mainly for the promise of pure novelty - and boy, did that novelty wear off quick.

Like many audience members around me, I couldn’t help become emotional at times during the film. However, my reaction was not so much in watching my savior slowly endure torture, as it was to being subjected to watching any human being endure intense suffering. With so much emphasis on Jesus’ death, The Passion is almost nil of Jesus’ actual teachings. Gibson lamely uses flashback sequences that seem to serve only as moments for the audience to catch their breath and dry their eyes before the next round of agony. And to any of the readers who saw the film, could somebody explain what the hell Satan was doing carrying around that midget with the hairy back?

As for that intrepid Catholic Mel Gibson, what will become of the projected $350 million that he will personally pocket from his spiritual success? Well, for one, he will most likely take a chunk of his earnings to further piss off Jews! He has already announced that he plans to film a chronicle of the origin of Hanukkah – The defeat of King Antiochus IV by the Maccabee family. But after Mel has placed himself in a financial league of his own among filmmakers (with George Lucas a close second), will he eventually take a deep glance at his WWJD bracelet (um, do Christians even wear those anymore?) and perhaps contribute to the relief of human suffering with what he’s reaped from his cinema-evangelist work? I’d hope so, because if it is indeed easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man in to heaven – Gibson’s utterly screwed!!!