In my excitement about the upcoming release of Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight saga, I found a web site called mylifeistwilight.com. The site has the same format as fmylife.com, but instead of writing about how awful their lives are, users write short stories about how their life is like Twilight. One person posted about how she saw a silver Volvo when it was rainy and just knew, in her heart, that it was Edward. Another girl asked her boyfriend to hold ice in his mouth before he kissed her so she’d know what it was like to kiss the cold, lifeless lips of a vampire.

Some of us might laugh at the web site, but I think we all belong on it. Twilight is like puberty. You wake up one day and realize the school you’re at feels completely different, and you don’t understand your body, and all the boys are starting to notice you. All of them except your lab partner Edward. He’ll barely even look at you, but he’s the only boy you want to look at. You’re sure he’s perfect, you imagine he sparkles in the sunlight, and you think if he went out for track he’d definitely be the fastest one on the team, but he’s not really into sports. You’re not really sure what he’s into, but you’re desperate to know more. He’s perfect, you think. One time you accidentally touch his hand during your lab and that night you write about it in your diary.

And then all of a sudden he’s talking to you and soon he asks if you want to go out with him and you say yes and now you’re dating. He’s so protective of you. It makes you feel safe knowing he’d fight a man for you. Probably he’d even kill a man for you. At the school dance, during one of the slow songs, he looks at you with his golden eyes and says, “Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment, forever.” You wipe away the tears and think “so this is what love feels like”. You can’t believe you found it so young.

Two weeks later it’s your birthday and you get a paper cut and Edward dumps you. It hurts so bad you’re afraid you’ll never feel again. The Edward-shaped hole in your chest is the only thing you have left of him. You waste your days lying in bed staring at the ceiling, sometimes rolling over to cry into your pillow. You’ve accepted the fact that you will likely never be happy again. Your dad tries to comfort you but he absolutely wouldn’t understand what you’re going through. The pain feels like it lasts for months but in a few days you meet a new boy. Jacob has a bunch of older brothers and lives in abject poverty and fixes motorcycles and he’s actually pretty cute when he cuts his hair. You know Jacob would kill a man for you.

But Edward wants you back before you get too serious with Jacob. He says he hates it when you hang out with Jacob, he says he can smell Jacob on you. Jacob takes offense and reminds you of how Edward dumped you on your birthday. It’s hard, but you have to tell Jacob that you like both of them, but you like like Edward. You stay friends with Jacob, but Edward demands to know whenever you’ve been with him. Edward is so jealous it seems like he’ll only talk about Jacob. And Jacob is just as jealous of Edward. Both of these men will kill for you, you know it. You just don’t want them to kill each other.

Then one day you’re walking in the woods with Edward and you see Jacob down the path. First they exchange glares, then words, then Jacob takes off his shirt and they start punching and you’re begging them to stop but the punches turn into grabs and holds and finally they’re on the ground, muscles flexed, locked into place. You stop your whiny hysterics and the woods are silent except for their quiet, low growls. You notice the sidelong glances they give each other while they jostle around in their embrace. Edward’s shirt is wet with Jacob’s sweat. You’re pretty sure this isn’t about you anymore.