The Wake

To emo 13-year-old girls with pouty lips and trashy boys with baseball caps and peach fuzz, Oct. 9 brought shocking news: a video released on YouTube was so outrageous that it sparked (to date) 1,983,912 views, 7,211 comments, 81 video responses and a collective gasp so heavy that it may have temporarily shifted the orbit of the earth. The reason? Former owners of the Internet sensation, Chad Hurley and Steve Chen, cheerfully announced to their viewers that they had sold YouTube to Google for $1.65 billion.

YouTube, a website that allows users to freely share video clips using Adobe Flash technology, has for some time now provided college students with a much-needed distraction, and for tortured souls, an endless portal to broadcast their insecurities. News of the purchase should not have come as a surprise, especially in the wake of MySpace’s recent sale to News Corporationfor a measly $580 million. However, it is now difficult to predict the future of YouTube. Be it the end of the site as we know it, or a bright new beginning, the present crossroads presents an unparalleled opportunity to commemorate YouTube in all of its glory—and lack thereof. This is the time to consider the broad categories of content, and to remember countless minutes spent watching a guy get kicked in the balls repeatedly, instead of studying, doing homework, or perhaps even writing an article for The Wake.

This brings me to the most useful, but perhaps most dull category of content on YouTube—episode clips and music videos. Miss the latest Lost or Grey’s Anatomy? Have no fear, YouTube is here! Can’t get enough of Christina Aguilera’s newest rump-shaking music video? YouTube’s got your back. To make a long story short – YouTube will rock your cable-free world.

The site also has stockpiles of “humorous” clips, and some of them are actually funny. Whether it’s a scene from World of Warcraft set to music, or a clip of Stephen Colbert debating the existence of God, you’re sure to find something to rev your engine. One commonly featured humorist is the unapologetic comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, better known as Ali G, Borat or Bruno. If you have never had the opportunity to hear Borat explain how his sister is the “number two or three best prostitute in the country of Kazakhstan,” I would encourage you to change that unfortunate state of events as soon as possible. Another YouTube favorite of mine is a cartoon entitled “George Washington.” It claims the first president was “twelve-stories tall” and “made of radiation.” Historically accurate? No. Thoroughly enjoyable? Yes.

To some, the heart and soul of YouTube is video-blogging, or “vlogging,” a delicious mix of bad accents, kiddy porn and horrible acne that seems to be not just a hobby but a way of life. Inside this not-so-secret little world, reputations are staked, hopes dashed, loyalties built and torn apart. One famous scandal, I quickly discovered, was that of “lonelygirl15.” Apparently, lonelygirl15 was a much-loved vlogger until announcing that she was actually a working 19-year-old actress, not the 16-year-old amateur she was pretending to be. Lonelygirl15’s betrayal made an even bigger splash in the cyber-ocean than Chad and Steve’s sale announcement did—and believe me, that is quite an achievement. Before diving into this sub-set of Internet users, be warned: browsing the vlogs on YouTube is like delving into the rabbit hole: the deeper you go, the more there is to discover about this slightly worrisome but very intriguing dimension.

Several more YouTube categories worth mentioning include banned Ikea commercials, unconvincing video evidence of government cover-ups, and home video bloopers set to catchy music.

So what is to be the fate of all this valuable footage? For now, all we can do is pray that Google will continue to provide us with the same quality entertainment that we have grown to depend upon. With that said, I’ll leave you to watch a video of some guy running around and yelling with a bag over his head.