Ask Uncle Ethan
November 7th, 2007
By Archived Story
Dear Uncle Ethan,
I spend a fair amount of time at the Rec Center, which is mercifully populated by exceedingly attractive girls. But what are the rules about approaching girls in that setting without creeping them out?
-Ripped Ricky
Dear RR,
The single biggest complaint about the Rec that I get from girls is that guys are too busy with their weights and treadmills to pay any attention to the co-eds. Reading Cosmo on the Stairmaster is boring, so get over there and make a move! Open with a compliment on her physical attractiveness—she’ll be pleased that her exercise has paid off.
Dear Uncle Ethan,
World of Warcraft is stealing my boyfriend from me! Ever since he joined, he spends every waking minute raiding and questing and we haven’t gone on an actual date in weeks. By the time he flops into bed at 4 AM, he’s exhausted and passes out before his head hits the pillow. How do I bring him back into the world of the living?
-Real Live Girl
Listen, toots: computers are the wave of the future, and if you don’t go with the flow, you’ll be left high and dry. (Happy National Water-Metaphor Day!) Seriously, though—it’s time you reached out to your boyfriend using a medium he understands: videogames. The sooner you start training your own foxy Night Elf avatar and joining him on quests, the sooner he’ll give you the respect you deserve. Bonus points if you can cyber-seduce him without him knowing it’s you. When you reveal your true identity, he will sing of your love through all of Azeroth.
You are inept. Send your problems to UncleEthan@wakemag.org. He can make it better.
