The Wake

A light wisp of golden sunlight has broken the concentration of a lovely dream. She wakes slowly, yellow crust still in her eyes. With careful ease, she lowers her hand and rubs tight circles around her nipples. She fondles the silky, long brown hair on her breast and dives south to release an early morning onslaught. Dressed in only a fresh glow of orgasm, she rises and greets her mother with a quick genital fondle. She heads out, dry humps a palm tree and is ready to face the day: to take on the world, to fight for her rights as a female, as a highly intelligent being. Or, maybe she’ll just hang out and screw her neighbors.

Yes.

That does sound better.

The bonobo is a primate of the same genus as the chimpanzee. They are about 30 inches tall and weigh between 60 pounds and100 pounds. The bonobos take the “make love, not war” theory very seriously.

And the most exciting part? The bonobo is 98 percent genetically similar to humans, which is roughly the same as a fox to a dog.

The bonobo society is one of the most egalitarian and harmonious among primates, humans included. The accord is created and maintained by frequent intercourse and masturbation. Whereas in our society issues of sex seem to create the most discord and frustration among people, the bonobos have sex exactly to avoid these aggravations.

Daily emotion-inducing events, such as the arrival of food, introduction to a new acquaintance or discovery of something as arousing as a cardboard box, are marked by quick bouts of sexual behavior. Bonobo naughtiness is not limited to merely the delicious 13-second sessions of intercourse; they give and receive manual sex, oral sex and anal sex. They also kiss with tongue and have a particular penchant for dry humping.

The bonobos are strictly bisexual. They hold little restraint when it comes to incest. Seemingly, they are as sexually liberated as could be.

In bonobo society, the males stay with their birth clan for their entire lifetime. Upon reaching adolescence, however, the females usually strike out to find a new group. They approach their target group nonchalantly, swaying their hips a little, gently licking their deep brownish-red lips, perhaps pinching their genitals a couple times to let the others know they’re game. The newcomer will pick out a female from her new potential posse and proceed to casually dry hump the new acquaintance. If the resident female seems to dig the fresh meat, she is allowed into the new group. A celebration is marked with a mass orgy.

Along with their freedom to roam, female bonobos hold high levels of power in their social communities. Every bonobo clan is lead by a female. The only males in bonobo society that can stake a claim to fame are the direct descendants to the highest-ranking females. The males never challenge their female counterparts. They know, as few human men do, the world is a happier place with women in charge. Plus they get all the sex they can handle.

The bonobos are also distinguished among primates for their high levels of sensitivity. Though tests have proved bonobos are as intelligent as chimpanzees, they have not attained high levels of tool use exhibited by chimps. Yet, one testament to the high emotional intelligence of the bonobos is taken from WWII. When bombs were dropped near a zoo in Germany, all the bonobos in the zoo died from shock due to the incredible noise while the chimps showed no sign of emotional duress.

Sexual positioning can mark another difference in chimp and bonobo life. Though chimpanzees are strictly into doggy-style sex, the bonobos practice face-to-face intercourse. This position provides mass stimulation to the female genitalia and clitoris. The bonobos care about the satisfaction of their females.

Wet dreams aside, there are, admittedly, a few potential negatives to a life consumed by sex. For example: children. If humans were to practice as much unprotected sex as the bonobos, we would quickly run out of resources for housing and food. Somehow, however, the bonobos have managed to bypass this problem. Despite their high levels of intercourse, they reproduce at the same rate as their closest non-human relative, the chimpanzee.

There are also the worries of STDs shared among bonobos. If any one bonobo caught a serious STD, it would not take long until every bonobo was afflicted. This pandemic could, and would, cause severe and drastic results.

For humans, I will argue that condoms do have a very high rate of efficacy and that a very simple and painless trip to a doctor could easily quell any worries of disease.

Would life be better with more sex?

Mine would.

Imagine the lives that would have been saved if we lived as the bonobos did.

September 11 would never have become an issue, as Bin Laden would have worked out his aggression with a quick make out session with some cute Americans.

I, for one, would gladly have watched George W. dry hump Hussein versus continuing this long and nasty war. I, for one, would gladly watch them dry hump even with no result.

In lieu of concentration camps, we could have museums marking the rubble of brothels. We could keep sheep skin condoms to serve as forever reminders of that period when some prejudiced Europeans had to cum their way out of bigotry.

American society would be composed of entirely mocha-colored people, due to the frustration expressed during the Civil War.

Freshman girls could acclimate to college life and attain levels of popularity by making out with each other and sleeping with boys in fraternities. Oh wait …

Sex is an act of beauty. We humans just think of it all wrong. We get caught on issues of who has sex with whom, when they have sex, why they have sex and what are the potential ramifications of sex. We forget that sex is good. Sex makes people happy. Cunnilingus is a loving act. And, when gripped in that brief moment of orgasm, one can’t harbor anger, hatred, stress and other forms of ill will. The only feeling left is pure bliss.

I would gladly take bliss over war, although I wouldn’t advocate sluttiness simply because sex is fun. But, if only we could have sex to better society, to eradicate war, to stop social tensions, it would be something wonderful. If only we could bang like the bonobos.

Nix Wurdak is a Voices staff writer and welcomes comments at .