The Wake

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never pay for sex; I have a hard time urinating next to a stranger. Even with the buffer urinal and several square feet of visual barrier, I’d probably vote Republican before letting someone I don’t know see me naked. With my OCD and crippling fear of germs, I hate myself enough as it is and I can’t imagine trying to fall asleep after paying somebody to pretend to find me attractive for a few minutes.

But prostitution doesn’t deserve to be illegal. The government’s vice squads, which march around locking up consenting adults engaging in acts of free will, don’t deserve to have that power. Just because my overactive conscience curbs my personal behavior to a puritanical level doesn’t mean I have any say over what you do with your personal time. Because whatever two, three, hell, 10 people do behind closed doors, as long as all involved parties consent, as long as everybody is 18 or older, then it doesn’t really matter what happens. Because what they do with their bodies is their business. So what if money changes hands? Is that process really much different from the hoards of fake-ID carrying frat children who flock to Sally’s and buy drinks for one another? It is unreasonable that, in a country which is democratic, something can be perfectly legal in one part of the country, yet criminally punishable everywhere else? I don’t think Nev. is different from anywhere else.

I’ll never understand these people who are so quick to align themselves with their leaders and the laws presented to them. Is it such a sin to just ask why every once in a while? The government, since it’s dressed up in shiny badges and looks really convincing in a lab coat, is pretty successful in getting people to ascribe to its laws. A lot of people love slapping that “GO ARMY” bumper sticker on their cars, or pretentiously bragging about how they’ve never done drugs. I’ve had one too many run-ins with police who obviously treat the black guy worse and I’ve read a bit too much about U.S. involvement in the Third World, so I don’t care what that badge says or who gave it to them. I’ll determine my own morality; thanks for the offer to do it for me, but in this case the government’s wrong again. My opinion on trading sex for money might be considered soulless, but if it’s consensual, if everybody’s 18 or older and nobody’s getting hurt, then my opinion doesn’t determine anybody’s morality but my own.

To me, a real crime is something that causes pain and creates a victim, so consensual acts of free will, like prostitution, should not be treated the same as murder and robbery. Some might say that prostitution is criminal because Jesus and the Bible say so.

Please.

For one, Jesus is boring and you also can’t bring that leather-bound collection of fairy tales into political discussion as it turns out we don’t allow that here. Or maybe we just say we don’t. You can’t buy beer on Sun. in Minn. and two men can’t get married anywhere, but oh yeah, we have a separation of church and state. It’s just a coincidence that many of our laws are right in check with the Christian God, the most popular imaginary friend the American people have.

Setting aside the One True Messiah for a moment, let’s use some simple logic here. Say two people make a porno movie. They’re paid to have sex on camera. Is that really much different from prostitution? Well they’re both paid in that situation, right. OK, so say some guy pays a woman for sex, only he films it, calls himself the director, producer and writer of the film and doesn’t take any money. Prostitution or porno?

Let’s talk porn for a minute. The reason I don’t watch porn isn’t because it embarrasses or depresses me, I don’t watch porn because it’s the last place in America where racism is so easily accepted. You thought Hollywood was bad? On the lone occasion when I was conned into watching Howard Stern, a guest from the industry discussed how white female porn stars’ values (yes, they use the word “value”) actually depreciate after they have sex with a black actor on film. But yet again, what my conscience forces me to do or not do has no bearing on what other people do with their personal time and the government doesn’t deserve such credence either.

Remember the ’70s when we legalized abortion? Justice Blackmun talked about how abortions were going to happen anyway, at least if they were legal the women who decided to have them would be safe and wouldn’t be forced to worry about what that coat hanger might do to them. So maybe legalizing something that our nation should respect as personal choice would ensure that prostitutes would have access to available methods of birth control and health care, and they wouldn’t have to worry about being beaten up by pimps and aggressive clients. If the settings were controlled and the transactions were regulated then maybe fewer people would be getting hurt. We could use that government presence and power to keep prostitutes safer and healthier, to encourage condom usage and require testing for STDs, rather than enforce government-sanctioned morality.

I’m unsure if there exists an antithesis of xenophobia, but if there is one, I probably have it. Our currency, monuments, anthems and songs are all the same lie about how we’re free, free, free. That’s just something that looks nice because in truth The Man changes our personal decisions by deeming things illegal. It’s your body, do with it what you want. As long as you’re not imposing harm on my family or me and if everything’s consensual, then it’s not my issue, or anybody else’s, to condemn.