Ah, Hot Pockets. The most trusted brand to keep you fed through college on a tight budget. Likely invented for astronauts, Hot Pockets are efficiently designed to contain all their gooey goodness inside a delicious bread-like crust. They even have herbs sprinkled on said crusts, so you know it’s gourmet (or as near to gourmet as you will ever get because you have to eat Hot Pockets). Described by Wikipedia as “microwavable turnovers,” the delightful, sometimes burn-inducing (think juicy lucy) pockets have been with us since the 1980s. As a latch-key kid who has been consuming Hot Pockets since she learned how to use the microwave (ah, summer vacation: Ramen, Hot Pockets, and Pizza Rolls), I have been following the technological advancements being made in the name of being really freaking hungry and poor.

The secret behind the Hot Pocket’s crispy goodness is the aptly named “Crisping Sleeve.” Slide your rectangular pastry into it, throw it in the microwave, and two minutes later you have a hot, somewhat crispy dinner. However, the crisping sleeve now has a brand new feature. Once done crisping your meal, the sleeve directs you to fold the bottom tabs into each other, and create a carrying sleeve! Not only do you now have a convenient means of carrying your meal-on-the-go, but the sleeve is perforated at various spots so that you can rip the top of the sleeve off, so that you never have to remove your hot pocket from it’s case, even when you have eaten it down to the top of the sleeve! This is the height of American science: not only enabling us to eat while we do other things (like drive) without making a mess (not including any car accidents caused by said eating-while-driving), but anticipates the consumers likely reply to the carrying sleeve (“but what happens when I’ve eaten all the stuff above the sleeve?”). An impressive feat, Scientists.

As with most advancements, this great scientific breakthrough was taken over by the marketing execs. What better place to advertise the Hot Pockets’ Facebook fan page than the sleeve from which the consumer should be eating? One such ad comforts the eater, “You can eat this all by yourself and still be social” and includes the URL for their facebook page. “See, lonely losers who eat Hot Pockets? You can still have friends even though you are eating something designed specifically for those who are dining alone!” Thank you Hot Pocket marketing department, I always know that when I am feeling lonely I can turn to my tasty, trusted friend and I won’t feel as alone. Because I will be drowning my loneliness with food, like any good American.