The Wake

I have a confession. Actually, I have several: I purchase compact discs at Best Buy. And Amazon.com. I make regular shopping trips to Target. I like General Mills’ cereal, find 3M’s post-it notes invaluable and my whole apartment is furnished by IKEA.

I even spend nearly as much time working for one of the aforementioned corporations as I do the in the classroom or studying.

“So sad,” you’re all thinking. “We have on our hands a classic corporate sell out!”

And the ominous chant begins (everybody now, in unison!): “Anti-corp-o-rate, Anti-corp-o-rate, Anti-corp-o-rate!”

I can relate, maaaaan. A little under two years ago, I would have joined the chant. “Corporate” was synonymous with “evil” by my book. But my existence in limbo between the corporate world and the anti-establishment realm has changed that outlook a bit.

Thus, I give you, “Andy’s guide for coming to terms with the reality of corporate America.”

Chapter 1: Bureaucrawesome!

Large companies are hugely bureaucratic. They are gargantuan, impersonal, difficult to deal with and often not terribly adaptable. And yes, they have been known to drive small organizations out of business. So sad.

I think it’s important to remember that a big corporation is just a small corporation that got big. Best Buy was once a small store called “The Sound of Music” located in St. Paul. Target began as a single department store called “Goodfellows” where the downtown Marshall Fields now sits. Two guys named Steve built the first Apple computer in a California garage.

Each company grew because they were innovative and somehow improved upon the status quo. Antitrust laws prevent these organizations from unfairly eliminating competition. Does the anti-corporate faction believe we should limit them further? Do they believe we would see the same level of innovation and progress if we put a limit on how much progress an organization can have?

Chapter 2: We built this city on cooooorporaaaate greeeeeeed!

You are a University of Minnesota Student. You also live in Minneapolis. (Not true? Indulge me and pretend.)

Consider the direct contributions of these organizations to your life. The university accepts countless donations from corporations to fund construction and research projects, such as TCF Bank donating $35 million for a new gopher football stadium. Corporate scholarships fund part or all of many students’ educations. Charitable giving and philanthropic programs exist in nearly every corporate entity in Minneapolis and St. Paul.

Indirectly, these companies contribute to this area’s economy and job market, that is by relative benchmarks, thriving.

Indeed, the very fabric and infrastructure upon which the university exists depends on these organizations. Ironically, the anti-corporate, college student persona with which many people identify requires corporate success to perpetuate.

Chapter 3: You could be the monopoly man.

Here’s the part that actually bothers me: visions of the monopoly man. The concept that these organizations are full of greedy, cold, tasteless individuals bent on world domination couldn’t be further from the truth.

These people have lives, families, hobbies, and are as real and interesting as the people I meet on campus. Do dishonest, greedy people exist in corporate America? Most certainly. Is that attitude prevalent? Definitely not.

Even more laughable is the myth of the single person at the top getting filthy rich at the cost of everyone else. When Best Buy profits, where does that money go? A good amount of it could be going into your pocket, or my pocket, or your neighbor’s pocket. Enter New York Stock Exchange! Unless a company is closely held, we can all become that person with a few dollars and a phone call or a few clicks of the mouse.

Chapter 4: You are, like, so fashionable!

If rationalizing away your hatred of corporations doesn’t work for you, then take solace in this: as a college student, you most certainly have much better taste than everyone else.

Sure these bastard organizations might not carry anything “good,” and drive all the small, interesting retailers out of business, but remember that the rest of the world is content listening to Sarah McLaughlan and wearing Kenneth Cole. Large companies react to the tastes and trends of the majority, and you are much, much cooler than the majority, right?

This is all true. If it weren’t, I’m sure Best Buy would carry the unknowns, and Linkin’ Park would be way obscure and cool.

So, if all else fails, convince yourself of your superior tastes, kick back, and allow the rest of the world to operate as it does. Save yourself the energy and put it into something productive, like starting your own company.

Andy Tyra is the Web editor for The Wake and welcomes comments at office@wakenews.org.