The Wake

So I have to do this thing for The Wake about marijuana. Man, this is hard. I don’t know what to write about. I mean, I like weed and all. It makes me feel good and appreciate things a lot more.

Damn, this weed I just got is freaking good. I thought I’d get a bunch of ideas now about this thing I have to write. Maybe I could describe what it’s like to be high …

Man, this is harder than I thought. I’m going to go watch Family Guy. That show is so freaking hilarious. That little baby. Oh man, he’s funny. “You vile woman.” Or whatever he says. It’s smart too, because he’s a baby except he can talk and think like an older person. I don’t know where these guys get their ideas. I bet they smoke a ton of weed!

This sucks, I can’t think of anything to write about. I went to Burger King today to get some lunch, and I swear the guy working was totally high. I mean, I was pretty stoned too, but when you’re high you can always tell when someone else is high. It’s like a high-dar.

Oh, I know what I can write about! My friend was telling me that this guy drank so much that he had to go to the hospital because he was going to die from drinking so much. Have you ever heard of someone dying from smoking too much weed? I haven’t, and I’m pretty smart.

Yea, I’ll write about that. Except I’ll have to do some research. This sucks. I wonder if anyone has died from marijuana. I doubt it. I’ll just say no one. I’m probably right. What else should I talk about?

I know, I’ll smoke a fat joint right now for some more inspiration. Hey, that’s an idea. I can write about how weed makes you creative and can be an inspiration. Once I finish this joint I’ll be overflowing with clever and creative things to write about.

Holy shit, this song is so funny! It’s that one where Spock is singing about Bilbo Baggins. It’s so awesome. I wish I was like Spock. He’s the shit. And I bet he smoked an ass-load of dope.

I bet that’s how he came up with this awesome song. All the inspirational artists in this world smoke weed. If that isn’t evidence enough of how weed is awesome, then maybe I should just drop out of college. Damn, I’m hungry.

Once when I was high I made this painting that was so cool. It was, like, outer space except there were people dancing on the sun. Well, they were supposed to be people, but you couldn’t really tell. But it’s still an amazing painting. I could never have come up with something so creative if I wasn’t high. It just goes to show that weed is a good thing.

In fact, I can’t really think of a bad thing weed does. Now what the hell am I going to write about …

Lane Trisko is the Athletics Editor at The Wake. He welcomes comments at office@wakenews.org.