The Wake

Quickly approaching a close to my college career, I know what typical Holiday tradition I’ll see evidence of in January: engagement rings. If you haven’t heard it already from the class a year ahead of us, proposals are the trendy holiday gift for your college girlfriend. And in the wake of the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001, and the war in Iraq, when people tend to become closer in crisis, engagements are to be expected. The conundrum is why these engagements continue to increase for younger people.

For our mother’s and more specifically our grandmother’s generation, becoming engaged or getting married while still in college under the age of 25 was shocking. Ask around your family this Holiday season and you’ll find that many were just finishing or had recently completed college.

But for the generations that grew up in the 1980s and 1990s, the possibility of marriage became a question for our 30-year birthday. Many people from these generations may date the same boyfriend for quite some time, but don’t plan the wedding until 28 or 29. Perhaps we agreed that this age was best due to financially secure conditions and satisfactory career positions.

Within the past few graduating classes, I’ve heard a similar complaint from singles: why does it seem like there are more and more girls getting engaged? I’m always quick to look at our influences: reality TV using engagement as the ultimate goal for their dating shows, like The Bachelor; younger celebrities getting engaged or married; and elaborate wedding shows presenting women with fairy-tale ceremonies. As long as girls have their Barbie falling in love with Ken before the big dream wedding, marriage will continue to be the most romantic gesture by a couple before the birth of their children.

Even with the pretty images in mind, how certain can a 21 to 23 year-old be of marriage?

This question is exactly what has divided friendships of many single women and their coupled friends. A separation has begun between college women in coupled, committed relationships and those who remain or choose to remain single. From my single friends, I usually hear: “Why would someone want to be married so young? College is for meeting people.” And from my coupled friends, I usually hear: “Why is she dating so many men? Can’t she make up her mind? It seems kind of slutty.” In gangs we stick together, supporting each other’s lifestyle and condemning the alternative. It doesn’t have to be this way – the jealously or contempt or pity we feel for “the other” relationship approach can be erased if we only understand one another.

Understanding each other in this situation requires the comprehension of a simple, wise quote: “To each their own.” Indeed. Every one is an individual and everybody makes different choices.

For the average college female, I highly recommend remaining single and non-committal during your college years to take full advantage of extra-curricular activities, solo and group studying, and all the partying you can while remaining balanced. College is a time where you discover yourself and have the most active social life. Turning 21 in college is a huge bonus – bars and dance clubs are close to campus. This is the perfect time to meet many other men and women (as long as you do so safely).

When you have met the man or woman you want to spend your life with, age isn’t the first thing that comes to mind – love is. Instead of being angry with your friend for being in a serious relationship, be happy for her and realize she is an adult making choices that are best for her. If this is what she wants, then good for her, even if it isn’t right for you. As my male counterpoint points out, it is important to embrace love once you’ve found it. There is no need to rush, but why let a good thing pass you by? Once you’ve developed a solid, substantial relationship with another person and there is no doubt in your mind, don’t be afraid of marriage and don’t be ashamed to wear that ring with pride.

Once we come back in for spring semester, perhaps we can all see coupled girls as our friends and not shun them to only spend time with their boyfriends and fiancées. Perhaps the singles can be content with the opportunity to date around and continue with their lifestyle knowing it’s the best choice for them. And we can all agree that each life is unique and we can do whatever we choose – whether it be marriage, barhopping, or girls night out.