The Wake

The idea that someone can potentially find his or her soul mate without ever having to leave the house is every lazy person’s dream come true. With the invention of the Internet, computer nerds across the country were finally able to scour personal ads in search of the person they would hopefully lose their virginity to. But is online dating right for the rest of us who aren’t scared to death of the opposite sex? The number of people who have posted their profile on the web indicate the answer is “yes.”

Online dating websites offer users the opportunity to look for their “perfect” idea of a mate by answering a few simple questions regarding what you want your significant other to be like. Once people fill these surveys out, they get the chance to delve into the site and look through hundreds of profiles of people who fit their criteria.

But how can you tell if these people are truly right for you? The fact of the matter is, you can’t. For one thing, people fill out their profiles with some of the most pathetic phrases and facts imaginable to be more alluring.

For example, women will post photos of themselves wearing their sexiest clothing with an “I’m available” kind of pose. The same woman might also title their profile with “Lonely girl looking for the right guy” to further entice a man. Once you actually get onto a woman’s personal page, you will read facts about her such as, “I love to go out to new places and experience new adventures,” or “I’m looking for a fun guy who knows how to have a good time.”

So, let’s just say that Joe Blow from Idaho sees this profile and thinks to himself, “Hmm, I’m a fun guy who knows how to have a good time, I should see what this girl is all about.” Well, there’s one problem Joe: you have to subscribe to a membership for that site (which usually costs about $20 a month) before you can contact Lonely Girl.

So Joe, who’s ballin’ out-of-control because he creates designer mouse pads amongst other sad stories, subscribes to the membership and not only e-mails Lonely Girl, but he also contacts every other woman who is lonely and wants a guy who knows how to have a good time.

Out of the 50 women he e-mailed, five have gotten back to him, so Joe Blow has turned into quite the online pimp. Joe is even lucky enough to go out with three of these ladies. However, he finds out that the pictures these women posted on their profiles are six years old and they’ve gained a few extra pounds since they were originally taken. To make matters even worse, these women are looking for “fun guys who know how to have a good time” because they have boring personalities and don’t know how to have a fun time without someone else’s help.

So, Joe Blow, feeling depressed and defeated, cancels his membership and goes back to his life of creating designer mouse pads. He’s still ballin’ out-of-control, but now he thinks all women are liars and represent the epitome of evil. Needless to say, Joe Blow is pissed.

Now, as crazy as this example sounds, it’s not far from the truth. People lie on their résumés all the time, so why should what is essentially a dating résumé be any different?

Yes, I know stories of success do exist in the world of online dating, but there are probably just as many (if not more) stories of failure. Dating a person you meet on a personals website is just as risky as going on a blind date. Plus, it’s one of the ultimate symbols of desperation.

The Male Mind says: online dating = BAD IDEA!