The Wake

You know what I love?
The book The Little Prince.
Multi-vitamins.
Big, rainy storms.
Cupcakes.
Yahtzee.

Oh, and I sure love sucking cock.

Well, I prefer to receive, but it was a good way to start, eh?

Finals are the joyous time of year when you have to finally begin to read your books and store information, however, rarely are we allowed to learn about things that are really important, like the history of oral sex. So, for all your carpet munching and dong dining needs, let me teach you something you’ll really enjoy.

Oral sex has been considered deviant behavior for centuries. Justifications for this prejudice include complaint that it wastes precious man-seed and is unclean and unhygienic. Much of the dislike of oral sex also arises from bias against homosexuals and homosexual practices. Despite this nasty reputation, people have been giving, receiving and talking about oral sex for centuries because, well, who doesn’t love oral sex?

Though it is difficult to come by much written information about oral sex from the ages, it is frequently seen throughout ancient sculpture and drawing. Archeologists studying everyone from the ancient Egyptians to the Mesopotamians (who, interestingly, used to same word for both “semen” and “fresh water”) to classical European Renaissance art have found depictions of oral sex, largely fellatio.

In ancient Roman society, oral sex was talked about primarily in terms of power. For example, the culture frowned upon a man who gave oral sex, as it put him in a submissive position. However, it was socially acceptable for him to receive oral sex, as slaves and debtors were often on the “giving” end of the deal. Though the act was presumably still enjoyable, it was publicly practiced for reasons of domination, not pleasure.

The Kama Sutra, which was written some time around the fourth century A.D., and loaned to me by my mother (yes, my mother) covers the topic of oral sex with great detail, primarily, however, as something done among eunuchs and “unchaste women.” Though tips for techniques, referred to in the book as mango-sucking and oral-churning, are provided, the author presents sentiment that this genre of sexual acts should not be practiced by upstanding citizens, as it was traditionally considered an unclean deed. Women who were known to frequently give oral sex were considered undesirable for marriage.

During the Renaissance era, public admittance and discussion of oral sex was nearly abolished thanks to some handy craftwork by the Catholics and Jews. Religious elite publicly and strongly condemned any and all sexual acts that were not conducted with the specific intention of procreation. A frequently cited biblical passage related the story of Onan, who was murdered by God for wasting his juice and not impregnating his dead brother’s wife; apparently, Onan practiced the ever-faithful contraception method of pulling out.

In defense of oral sex, as justified by the Bible, I feel it necessary to include a quote from the Song of Solomon, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down and his fruit was sweet to my taste.” Though I’d argue with the fruit being ‘sweet,’ I think it’s a nice sentiment.

The curators at the British Museum of Art were so taken with Puritan ways that they decided to do away with the presence of penises on the male sculptures. The effects of this artistic emasculation are still found in the museum, though the removed genitalia are still in existence, carefully stored in a drawer on location to be used solely for masturbatory purposes by the interested museum staff. Just kidding. Well, maybe.

Currently, there is still a fierce battle between the new age liberals and the hyper-traditional conservatives. The most important events, in my mind, surrounding the issue of oral sex, all show progress in the public acceptance of crotch-carousing behaviors.

In modern-day South Africa, an ethnic group called the Malays hold it as a sign of beauty for a female to lack her 8 front-most teeth. This perfectly sized gap is popular because it is known to facilitate fellatio, which is the primary method of contraception for the people.

In 1998 in a Houston suburb, John Lawrence and Tyron Garner were caught in the midst of an anal love fest by Texas police officers responding to a (false) tip that there was a “weapons disturbance” in the apartment. Though the only weapon being used was a rock-hard cock and the only ammunition some creamy cum, the police officers arrested the two men on charges related to the state’s anti-homosexuality law. In 2003, the U.S. Supreme Court rendered a verdict on the case. By a 6-3 ruling, the justices found that Lawrence and Garner did not violate any constitutionally sound law. With this decision, the court overturned any state laws that penalized sodomy. In addition, the implications of Lawrence v. Texas also protect an individuals right to participate in acts of oral sex.

Another significant event in oral history happened just over a year ago, on April 1, 2005. In Nashville, Tennessee, porn star Summer Nyte set a new world record by giving head until ejaculation to 249 men in a 14 hour period. If you do the math, this equates to just over 3 minutes per man and more than two pop-cans’ worth of cum. The oral event was filmed and sold as The World’s Largest Blow Bang. I downloaded a bit of the video and, honestly, it became very boring very quickly. I did, however, develop a serious craving for bananas. Ms. Nyte is apparently eager for a sequel.

Recently produced literary works referring to oral sex are largely more supportive of the hobby, as is evidenced in the piece “Put it in Your Mouth” by lyrical master Akinyele.

Now you can lick it, you can sip it, you can taste it. I’m talkin every drip-drop, don’t you waste it. Baby, slurp it up, its enough to fill your cup, it’s finger lickin’ good and I’m wishin’ it would go down kinda slow or even fast. I’m always sprung once I feel your tongue in the crack of my ass, just eatin’ me-nigga, goin’ out like that boy you pack such a tasty treat and you can eat me out, but put it in your my mouth.

Wow. There is nothing I can say to top that. So, yes, put it in your mouth and enjoy your finals.

Nix Wurdak is a Voices columnist and welcomes your comments at .

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