The Wake

However long you gentlemen out there have had the image of girls’ night as women in their underwear getting into pillow fights or tickle wars with each other, hopefully now you have come to grips with this fabrication and realize it is only a fantasy. Mostly, we sit around and drink wine or cocktails, talk about school, work, lovers, fading friendships and new encounters. As men use the “activity” to bond; over sports, barhopping, car shows, etc.; women can get by with a good conversation any day. Until the drama begins to die down and little changes day-to-day. I have seen it in my graduated friends – they work most of the time, see a movie or two occasionally, visit their folks and work some more, maybe stopping to hit up happy hour or the bar scene on the weekends. After college, life tends to follow a rhythm, set to a fairly strict schedule. The gossip fades and the girls look forward to “the big events” for discussions – who is moving away, who got the dream job, who is getting married, who got pregnant, who bought a home. One of the trendiest “activities” for the girls is on par with his fantasies – a bunch of women sitting around, drinking cocktails, with numerous vibrators and erotica. Just another Saturday night.

Or not. Sure, it’s not typical. But a recent invite to a Passion Party presented by the Twin Cities company Couple’s Gifts was definitely a way to grow closer with your girlfriends.

Unfortunately, I am a victim of perpetual tardiness. I have tried to reverse this unwanted trademark, but have only been able to whittle the time down to a few minutes past the mark. Being late served me well, though, when I attended a Passion Party. Immediately I was escorted to our presenter, Kari Howe, the owner of Couple’s Gifts, who requested I “test” a cooling lubrication and report back to the party’s guests, who were also potential purchasers. When I came back to the living room, I looked upon a group of young, hopeful faces shared mixed looks of nervous anxiety and curiosity.

Howe passed around different colors, shapes and sizes of the phallic symbol. We paged through booklets with prices and descriptions as she spoke about the benefits of each. In a way, it reminded me of the time my cousin sold my mom Cutco knives. He took each one out of his suitcase, demonstrated its capabilities, and then passed it to his prospective buyer so they could examine it closer. And while those products served a very practical function, the Passion Party products, well, I don’t know if practical is the right word – or maybe…

Comments were made. Giggling broke out from time to time. Each vibrator was passed amongst the group and its possessor would remark on how “interesting” it was. Most girls seemed quiet and attentive as Howe spoke about each item, ranging from vibrators to lubrication to lingerie to books to beads to toys for him. She even had the very same rabbit vibrator and swing from HBO’s Sex and the City.

Hostess Kelly Spano - this woman’s name has been changed to fulfill her request for anonymity - said the products were especially good for couples who have become “a little curious since renting Sex and the City.” So it was a good thing to bring the swing, although none sold that night, and the rabbit, which tends to be one of Howe’s more popular items.

“The products range: from ‘This is my first sex toy’ to ‘I need an upgrade! Now!’” said Spano, who heard about the company through a radio commercial. “There are things for everyone. You can’t go wrong with a sex toy party.”

When I was a teenager and saw Fried Green Tomatoes with my girlfriends, we all laughed along with the scene that has an uncomfortable Kathy Bates bolt from a party where the women took out mirrors to examine their vaginas. Girls learn this body consciousness early and are taught that “down there” isn’t a topic of discussion. We all decide amongst our group of friends that masturbation is gross with an outburst of “ewww” – end of discussion.

“In high school, you are afraid to talk about masturbation, in college it becomes acceptable, and after college…well, it’s the norm!” Spano laughed. “What better way to bond with your girlfriends and share in the ups and downs of sex life than with a glass of wine while holding a 12-inch vibrating ‘rabbit’?”

So now as strong, independent, confident college women, we were embracing our sexuality, learning about ourselves and discussing what we wanted. Like I said, just another Saturday night – except with vibrators.