The Wake

I hate pop quizzes. I truly despise them. I’m pretty sure that they annoy me more than anything I have encountered in any of my classes. I might hate group projects and having to going to the library slightly more than pop quizzes, but that’s neither here nor there.

I am sad to share with you that pop quizzes are currently my main motivation to go to class. Enthusiastic professors? Interesting lectures? Reputable guest speakers? Nope. None of the above. Pop quizzes are what get me out of bed in the morning.

In an academic sense, pop quizzes serve one function and one function only; they are to get students to come to class. If professors make sure to include in the syllabus (in bold print) that they will be giving pop quizzes throughout the semester, they will never have to worry about the steady decrease in class size that is all too commonly seen as the semester moves on.

Why is it that I hate pop quizzes with such passion? First, pop quizzes make it impossible for me to miss class. I really am not as lazy as I may make myself appear, I swear, but I think we can all agree that there are times when going to class is much less beneficial than doing other things. Like studying for a test, finishing up an assignment for another class, getting ice cream — you name it! It’s not that I don’t like going to class; it’s just that I loathe the fact that I always feel guilty even missing a single one in case the professor happens to give a pop quiz that day.

Not only do pop quizzes force you to come to class, they also make you read. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that reading is bad or that as students we shouldn’t have to do it. Tell me. What’s wrong with skimming? When I say that pop quizzes make you read, I am not talking about the kind of reading that must students do while simultaneously watching “Date My Mom” and stalking their friends on Facebook. I am talking about REALLY reading, the kind of reading many students here at the U have yet to do.

In order to be prepared for an unannounced quiz, you will likely have to beg your roommates to refrain from making any noise other than breathing, lock yourself in your room with your computer and television remote far from reach and get out that dusty highlighter that hasn’t been used since, well, never.

When you are all done reading, you’ll probably have to read it again just to make sure that you didn’t miss anything. Also, don’t forget to highlight important information. What you should actually do is highlight everything in the chapter because you never really know what’s going to end up on that quiz. You might as well just memorize it all too. Just in case. Are you having fun yet?

Pop quizzes also make me detest my professors. We all know the kind of professors that give pop quizzes. The crappy ones. The reason these professors have to give pop quizzes is that their classes are either not interesting enough or just downright boring. No one would come to class if it wasn’t for the chance having of a pop quiz. By including pop quizzes as a part of the curriculum, professors know that they don’t need to make their lectures interesting because you will keep on coming to class anyway.

What if, for some compelling reason, you were unable to make it to class the day your professor gave a pop quiz? Well, that’s too bad for you. It’s a rare occasion when a professor is sympathetic enough to excuse students from a pop quiz or give them an opportunity to make-up the quiz. Hospital visits and death of a family member are likely the only two reasons that warrant missing a pop quiz. If you miss the quiz and want to try your luck at a make-up, you will need to wear your hospital bracelet or bring in the program from the funeral. Professors don’t usually give students the benefit of the doubt, especially the ones that give pop quizzes.

So here’s to you, wise professors, for getting my ass out of bed each morning in order to attend your class. Not only have you succeeded in ensuring my attendance, you have made me an expert in your course’s material. Kudos. Jackass.