The Wake

VH1 makes me want to die. The other day I came home from a particularly stressful day at work, flipped on my pirated cable and came across “The Fabulous Life of Hollywood ‘it’ girls.” For those of you unfamiliar “The Fabulous Life of…” series, not only do I envy you, but I also hold you in the highest possible tier of cool. (Seriously. Beatnik-snapping-your-fingers-and-saving-the-world-with-a-haiku-cool). The rest of us know that this is one of the many recently developed and highly rated shows based on the (correct) assumption that the people of the United States will watch anything related to celebrities that doesn’t require much concentration. This particular show takes our love of voyeurism to new lows as it unabashedly breaks down the extravagant spending habits of the young and beautiful demi-gods of Hollywood, showcasing the amounts they spend on everything form skincare to convertibles.

So there I was, trying to relax after work, shamelessly learning how these girls live. $100,000 cars, $50,000 shopping sprees…their gratuitous lives were flashing in front of my eyes complete with a top-40 soundtrack and gold sparkling graphics. When it was over, I let out a sigh and muttered the infamous words that inspired this rant in the first place: “God wouldn’t it be nice to be Paris Hilton and never have to worry about money?”

At that exact moment around the world needles scratched off records, babies fell mute, angles wept. My God. What had I become?

Has it really come to this? Are even seemingly well-educated students falling victim to the modern media trap? Today instead of simply using sitcoms and commercials to present “the good life” as 2.5 kids living in suburbia with a stay-at-home mom, the media has capitalized on our want for more by showcasing a handful of people at the apex of life and making them the ideal. Today “the good life” includes plenty of “bling,” celebrity romances and 2.5 Bentleys. By this new standard, it’s possible, probably even, that white girls from Edina are sitting by their big screens clutching keys to their SUV’s, wishing they could be rich.

Has the whole world gone crazy? When did we loose our grip on reality? Am I the only one pissed off that I now know the spending habits of Lindsay Lohan, a teenager who is apparently an “it” girl and is also apparently living a whole hell of a lot better than I could ever hope or dream? It seems to me that if you are over the age of 18 you shouldn’t even know Lindsay Lohan’s name, much less her spending habits and dating history. But alas, this is the place we find ourselves in today.

You see it everywhere. VH1 isn’t the only form of media that makes me want to die. I remember a couple years ago when my roommate brought home a flimsy “magazine” called In Touch. I flipped through it, disregarded it as a tabloid, and secretly judged her for being the type of person who would read that crap. Today, these celebrity insider rags are in every waiting room, break room, and living room I seem to come across. What’s worse is that formerly cynical and elitist academics (such as myself and many of the most intelligent and creative individuals I know) now openly admit that these magazines are their “guilty pleasure.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect everyone to spend his or her free time learning Japanese or reading obscure poetry. In fact, those too-cool-for-school because “I read the New Yorker and don’t own a TV” kids who walk around campus thinking they are going to save the world are just as annoying as the sorority sister PR girls who claim “The Fabulous Life of…” is their favorite show. Everyone needs some light-hearted fun, but when we choose to let that fun come in the form of coveting the lives of beautiful people with money, what does that say about us?

Somewhere along the lines “the man” got the message that all it takes to create an idol is good looks and money. “The Fabulous Life of…” series doesn’t explain a celebrity’s road to success or anything they have accomplished, nor do tabloid magazines give us any useful information about upcoming events in their careers. The most we can hope to learn form this type of entertainment is what kind of cappuccinos they order and how expensive pedicures in Los Angeles can be.

The real tragedy in all this madness is how we feel about ourselves after consuming this type of media. After the hour of precious free time I wasted discovering that 17-year-old actresses are living in penthouses with personal attendants, I had to go back to my existence as a broke college student who needed to finish her overdue paper and scrub the bathroom floor. Suddenly, the little life that I had carved out for myself seemed very sad and dull. It’s warped really. We have come to accept a reality where salesgirls at up-scale boutiques are famous, editors at Us Weekly are credible sources and your life looks like shit in comparison.

Illyria Turk is a university student and welcomes comments at office@wakenews.org.