The inspiration for this article came from an experience that I had when I was in middle school. On Sundays, I would read the pop culture magazine that comes in the paper and I remember reading about Drew Carey, whose show I loved. The article mentioned that he was sexually abused as a child. This was about the time that I started to realize that I was sexually abused, but it was a long time before I started talking about it. I really didn’t know about any other men who were survivors and all I knew about people who had gone through sexual abuse was that they were twisted and hurt and went through a ton of difficulties. The article gave me hope that I could go on and achieve things in my life even though I was sexually abused. I have a loving, wonderful family, but I grew up going to conservative Catholic schools, one of which protested dirty magazines being sold down the street while simultaneously housing a priest accused of sexual abuse across the parking lot from the playground, in addition to graphically telling third and fourth graders how partial birth abortions were performed.

Needless to say, I wasn’t comfortable talking about my abuse. My depression started there and continued throughout much of college until I finally decided to get help this past fall. With therapy and medicine, I am much better than I was and I am beginning to feel like I am recovering. When I talked to my parents about my experience, they were extremely supportive and allowed me to deal with my problems in my own way. I really can’t say much more about my experience than that I am blessed. I’ll be able to graduate Phi Beta Kappa this spring with both a Bachelor of Arts and a Bachelor of Science with majors in mathematics, computer science, and political science. I worked damn hard for what I earned, but I also know that there are many people who have gone through what I went through and simply weren’t as blessed as I was.

I met my friend Kevin on a Facebook group about sexual assault. I was just perusing the group randomly and then I noticed that he posted a suicide note on the forum. He’s also a survivor and didn’t receive the support I did. He didn’t have a supportive family; he wasn’t able to receive legal or medical help that suited him as a male survivor. My friend Kevin struggles daily with major depression, which has hindered him for much of his life. I’ve tried to help him find resources, but, living in a rural part of Canada, there aren’t many resources for him. I want to change that and after much research and talking to experts like Alankaar Sharma, a PhD candidate in the School of Social Work, I’ve found that I really have no clue what to do.

To some extent the problem is intractable, all statistics on sexual abuse and assault are based on self-report and the problem with statistics based on self-report is that a lot of people don’t speak about what they went through. They feel ashamed about what happened to them or the experience simply causes them to shut down so they can’t speak about it. Survivors range across a wide variety of ages, genders, sexual orientations, races, and classes and so do perpetrators. While it is certainly true that the poor and women are more likely to report their cases to the government, I at least know that I wasn’t counted in any statistics until I had a physical last month and when I was asked if I went through abuse, I said yes for the first time. I’ve spoken with many people about writing this article and I keep getting the response that I’m brave; I don’t feel brave. I feel I shouldn’t be ashamed anymore.

I was asked to write an opinion for this article and I really don’t think I can. Discussions about sexual assault and abuse tend to get caught up in a lot of other discussions about sexual minorities, women’s rights, and other debates. I can’t deny that there are important intersections in our society where oppression turns into sexual violence. But, there are people who don’t fit nicely into the compartments we currently have; I don’t and my friend doesn’t. However, I am comforted by a faith that things can get better and the way I see that happening is helping more people to get treatment. If speaking openly about this can help at least one person seek help, then I’m comfortable with putting my name on this article. I can’t say that I speak for everyone who has gone through sexual assault or abuse and I can’t say that I have any real advice on how to prevent it or even cope with it. But, I want to return a favor, hopefully there’s someone else out there reading this and they can feel a little more comfortable about talking about their situation and seeking help. Thank you, Mr. Carey.

Tags: depression