The unconventional trade of being a college sugar baby
By Emma Chekroun
Daddy issues, money issues, or just morbid curiosity—a lot of elements can factor into college girls and guys choosing to be a sugar baby. Relationships can vary in terms of money, power, physical interaction, and comfort levels, but what doesn’t change is the mystery that surrounds the “luxurious” career/relationship of being a sugar baby.
As the whole world moves to the online realm, so too have sugar babies. This has made “sugaring” more accessible and private, lending new opportunities for babies to meet daddies. The online sugar baby/daddy/mommy centered site, Seeking Arrangements, boasts having a community of over ten million members, and its community spans over 139 countries, according to Seeking Arrangements self-reported .
Seeking Arrangements was the site of choice for John Doe* (20), a University of Minnesota sophomore, when he decided to pursue the life of a sugar baby.Low on funds, strapped for shifts at work, and struggling to pay rent and other expenses, Doe was referred to the site by a friend, he says. “I had heard of other people trying this as a means to help get themselves through college,” Doe said, “So I thought that I would give it a go.”
Although Doe doesn’t consider himself a sugar baby because he “never ended up pursuing a real sugaring relationship,” he still has plenty of experiences from the site. Time on Seeking Arrangements was hit or miss, Doe said. As a male companion, it felt more challenging trying to find someone. According to the Seeking Arrangement statistics, Minnesota ranks 31st in concentration of sugar daddies and only 36th in sugar mommies.
Of that small group, it could be even harder to find someone genuine. Of the daddies Doe spoke to on the site, he says some were nice over exchanged messages, but others were creepy, gross, and upfront about wanting him to do things he wasn’t comfortable with.
Doe said there were many uncomfortable and strange interactions. One sugar daddy Doe was fortunate enough to find lived in Minneapolis. But, when it came to being seen on campus or picking Doe up, the sugar daddy hesitated. Doe found out the hesitation came from the daddy’s daughter attending the same college.
“I felt bad for the daughter and couldn't imagine having a parent who is an honest to god sugar daddy,” Doe said.
Another daddy offered to fly Doe out to Chicago every weekend, but that plan was quickly shattered when Doe found out that it would only happen under the condition that he would be the daddy’s “house slave” and submissive. “Which naturally sketched me out,” Doe said.
Even if you’re able to find a sugar daddy, time restraints can also come into play. Doe said he found himself busy at the time and low on free time. “I know that the genuine people on that site are looking for someone to build a relationship with and spend time with,” Doe said, “which I knew I wasn't able to give fully.”
The time commitment of being a sugar baby can be a challenge. Miel Stockwell (18), who lives in Colorado, says she started meeting sugar daddies through her private Snapchat and other sugar daddy apps, mainly Seeking Arrangements. “It’s for sure a lifestyle,” she said, one “that takes someone who is willing to work hard to make a living in it.”
Stockwell says she enjoyed talking to guys while being able to make money at the same time. One of the daddies that stands out was an older guy in the English military she struck up a conversation with. The gentleman was subscribed to her private Snapchat, and Stockwell says he would send her gifts such as lingerie. Stockwell would model gifts she received, and he would pay her as well to role play. Money often came in small sums of just $15-30, but Stockwell says she got more out of that relationship than just money.
Daddy-dom little girl role play, a type of BDSM role play focused around a daddy and child-esque figure, “really helped express other sides of my sexuality,” Stockwell said. “And [it] helped me work through some family issues of my own.”
Stockwell says that she was able to understand why she sought attention from these older guys. “The lack of attention and relationship with my own father while I was growing up and then transitioning [to female]” played a role in seeking attention from older guys, Stockwell said. The internal realizations, said Stockwell, helped her discover the weak relationship with her father was influencing more issues than she realized.
But not all interactions on dating sights were great. Stockwell said there were several guys who wanted to force her out of her comfort zone. “One guy,” said Stockwell, “constantly messaged me asking for head or nudes, even while I was working.” That wasn’t the end, though, for harassment. Stockwell said she would receive “pretty terrible messages” from guys who disliked the idea of her being transgender.
In a similar vein, not all relationships were overtly physical. Stockwell said, “For me, It was about making a relationship more of a transaction.” If guys wanted a more physical relationship, they would catch on and stop their pursuit, said Stockwell. Guys that didn’t seem to mind a lack of physical interaction “generally wanted to have more of a companion or someone just to talk to,” she said.
According to Stockwell and Doe, setting boundaries in the sugar baby scene is important. “Your safety is of the utmost importance,” said Doe, “And if you ever feel that the relationship is taking a wrong turn, you have the power to end it and protect yourself.”
While not all sugar babies find the “life of luxury” of “fine dinners, exotic trips, and allowances” that the site Seeking Arrangements offers, both Doe and Stockwell said they would pursue being a sugar baby again if time and finances aligned. Relationships may vary from baby to baby, but whether those relationships are physical, conversational, or purely transactional, both parties should always feel safe and in control. Now that’s sweet.
*Source wished to be kept anonymous