Recommended by five out of five dads
By Marley Richmond
“Save Big Money at Menards” is not just a jingle; it is an anthem, a call to action from the best home improvement store in the Midwest, perhaps even in the world. Look no further to find every quality dad’s one-stop shop. These warehouses are the only place where tradesmen and “Joe Homeowners” can rub elbows without judgement, in a haven of building materials, home decor, and food for the family and the dog, beloved by dads and non-dads alike. No matter if you drive a full-sized pickup truck or a two-door sedan, you’re welcome at Menards. (Though some may wonder how—or why—you would shove that many two-by-fours into your Prius, you have earned every dad’s respect.)
The layout is understandable even to the biggest knuckleheads out there. The employees, however, should know by now that after seven trips to Menards every workday for the last ten years, the regulars surely know more than they do and could find their lumber while wearing a blindfold. While all construction lumber is stored outdoors—unfortunate in the dead of winter—a trusty pair of Carhartt overalls is all one needs to brave a Midwestern winter in search of some wood.
If you think Home Depot—or god forbid, Ace Hardware—comes anywhere close to the value and convenience of Menards, then it’s time to hand over the hammer and nails for good. One trip to Menards is all it takes to become enamored with the Midwest’s greatest accomplishment—just don’t forget to mail in your rebates.