Creative Submissions

Become What you Hate

By: Matthew Schank

“Hey Google, Goodmorning” groaned Tony as he vomited into his rusted worn-down toilet from the massive overdose of Tequila from the night before. Tony’s Google Nest Hub responded, “Good Morning, Tony Kotz. It’s 6:15 AM. Right now in Dinkytown, it is 45 degrees and sunny with a forecasted high of 52 degrees and low of 37. Today on your schedule, you have work at London Pet Hospital at 8:30 AM, drinking at 5 PM, and anxiety meds at 9 PM.” Tony spit the remains of his daily evening drink in the toilet and thought to himself, Sounds like another fantastic day ahead of me.

Because he was already in the bathroom, Tony decided he would bathe for the first time this week, and today was Thursday. Tony has never liked cleaning himself because he always wanted to be like the living beings that he always loved and adored most, animals. He grew his passion for animals ever since his parents bought him dinosaur action figures when he was little. But as of lately, the reason for Tony’s dirty cleaning habits are primarily because he does not have the willpower to properly present himself to society anymore.

Once Tony slid off his Fruit Of The Loom boxers, he took a look at himself in the mirror. His dirty blonde hair was lengthy and raggedy, so bad that it could be used as military rope. His face was smothered with zits and debris from the lack of showering, teeth were dark yellow, breath smelt like a dead rodent, and his beard has been getting too scruffy. The biggest change that Tony has realized was the amount of body fat he put on his belly. It has always been toned and defined, but as of lately, Tony substituted the gym for pizza and podcasts. 

Tony dropped his towel on the toilet, turned the knob in the shower to a lukewarm temperature, and began to bathe himself. As Tony let the water pour down his head, he thought about his life, but more importantly about work. Tony is a Veterinarian Technician at London Pet Hospital in St. Paul. He loves what he does, but this was not what he was expecting for the rest of his life. Everyday involved the same daily activities of waking up, going to work, coming home, and sleeping. As of recently, Tony has had threats of losing his job due to being caught drinking, sleeping, and crying excessively on the job. His pay has been cut, his co-workers look at him like he is crazy, and his boss orders Tony what he is supposed to do all day. Instead of this life, Tony wanted to travel the world and work with teams to rescue invasive species and exotic animals in Tanzania, but he has been too afraid to escape the safe world he has been enclosed in for most of his life.  

As Tony sat in deep thought, the water turned to a scorching temperature piercing Tony’s skin with heat, so he quickly jumped out of the shower and put his towel back on. After drying himself off, Tony went back to the mirror and contemplated on brushing his teeth, but shrugged it off with the justification that he already showered today. 

Upon opening the bathroom door, Tony dried himself off while looking around his studio apartment in downtown Minneapolis. When he first bought the place several years ago, It was quite nice. There was vinyl wood flooring which made the granite countertops stand out. A luxury tub sat in the bathroom that even had the fancy bubbling feature that Tony never liked. The apartment was already furnished, leaving a 65-inch flatscreen, a massive sofa, loveseat, and brand new appliances. The once neat apartment is now a pig sty; there are dirty dishes left all over the counter tops, smelly clothing hanging off the dresser and bed, there were termites that creeped across the floor in the kitchen, and the walls were completely stained with fingerprints and residue from beverages.

Tony walked over to his nightstand to pick up the things he knocked off in his rush to regurgitate his drinks from last night. While Tony picked up his phone, anxiety meds, and Tequila from the floor, He almost fell on the ground due to his lack of flexibility. “God Dammit, I need to get into the Chiropractor soon.” said Tony as he rubbed his lower back, hoping to relieve some of the pain. 

Upon opening his phone screen, Tony was greeted by his parents; but more importantly, the time they attended his graduation from Northwestern University. Tony loved his parents, and missed them even more because they live in Tony’s hometown of Chicago. He has been wanting to go back for years, but has been so caught up in work to do so. The top right corner of Tony’s phone read 6:47 meaning that Tony had time to get dressed and enjoy the view on his outdoor balcony before leaving for work which begins at 8:30

Tony dropped his phone on his unmade bed and rummaged through his mountain of clothing on the floor, looking for any scrubs he could wear to work. Tony found a pair of navy blue scrubs which wreaked of animal feces and body odor, but decided to throw them on anyway because the smell has never bothered him. He followed by grabbing his ID Card which was white and read “London Pet Hospital” in the top right. In the middle of the card read, “ Tony Kotz” with his picture on the right hand side. Tony studied his picture; he looked so happy, excited, and benevolent. Tony remembered when he came out to take this picture. He was 18 years old and received his first job offer as a Veterinarian Technician at London, so he packed his bags and headed for the O’Hare International Airport in Chicago heading straight for Minneapolis. Tony is now 22 years old and wondering what the hell happened to those exciting years which once brought him out here to the Twin Cities. 

Tony brushed off these thoughts and headed toward the balcony to take a breather before heading off to work. While looking into the sky, Tony admired the beautiful day that was upon him. There were nimbus and stratus clouds which flooded the sky with happiness. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and the wind wisped around Tony’s apartment flat on the 20th floor. Tony looked straight ahead at the Capella tower and the Wells Fargo Center. The buildings were so tall that they amazed Tony every time he looked at them. They gave him constant hope of how tall and prosperous his future could be. Becoming thirsty, Tony opened the sliding glass screen door, headed to his countertop, and picked up the bottle of Whisky that’s been sitting there for weeks. “Ah, what the hell, bottoms up.” Tony said, as he gulped the rest of the half-full bottle of Whisky completely dry.

The time on Tony’s phone now read 7:15 meaning that Tony had to get to the Bus station to get to work on time. Tony’s family has been trying to convince him to get his licence for years, but Tony never had an interest in driving; plus, he was more than happy with taking the bus because he didn’t have to deal with traffic or the pain of paying the insurance on a car. 

On his way out the door, Tony’s phone rang. Debating if it was even worth it to pick up his phone, Tony quickly reached into his pocket and answered the phone before he could see who was calling, let alone regret his decision of picking up the phone in the first place. While putting the phone to his ear, Tony heard the remarks of his physiatrist on the phone, Dr. Sweetser. Sweetser said, “Tony! You've been ignoring my phone calls for three weeks now! What happened? We had so many great sessions, why are you being so careless?” Tony answered, "Dr. Sweetser, I’m so sorry. I’ve been so caught up with work that I have been missing all of my phone calls lately.” Not knowing what to do, Tony decided to back his excuse with a lie. “Yes sir, very busy with work. I’ve also been going on a few dates with a girl, and I have been going to the gym.” After hearing the surprised and exhilarated response from Sweetser, Tony said his goodbye, then slid his phone down in his pocket and scurried through his apartment door.

Once Tony reached street level, he began to walk down toward the Bus Station. It was close because he lived in the small city of Dinkytown. Tony actually adored Dinkytown because there was lots to see and do, but the only downside was that it was so overcrowded. It was impossible for Tony to freely move on his own without bumping and tripping over every other pedestrian in his way. 

While walking to the bus stop, Tony observed his surroundings. He admired the breathtaking architecture in front of him. There was a cracked-up black street that separates two sidewalks. The left sidewalk consisted of small shopping establishments, restaurants, and bars, but the most popular place on the left side of the street was Lee’s Diner. The right side of the street, the one on which Tony was walking on, was filled with the movie theater that took up most of the block, Tony’s apartment building, and a few small locally owned gyms. Since the town was old, the pavement on the streets was starting to deteriorate, paint on most of the establishments were starting to thin and wear out, and the sidewalk was beginning to crack, creating a small fault line in the ground. These things were the parts that Tony loved about the town; unfortunately, what he did not like was the commotion and density of his living space. People walked side by side on each sidewalk, giggling, singing, talking, and eating. Cars were lined up bumper to bumper leaving just strands of hair between each vehicle. Couples were holding hands, and people were biking in groups down the streets. Tony never understood how people could live this way; but more importantly, all of this commotion only pissed off Tony more, and made him increasingly upset and sad. Throughout his whole life, Tony has only been alone, nobody has wanted to make friends with him, any girl he tried to ask out would laugh in his face, even society viewed him as a so-called “smelly weirdo.” This is exactly why Tony has been wanting to join the research team out in Tanzania. He could be away from all this commotion and be with the living beings that actually saw him as more than just a smelly piece of trash. 

Once again, deep in thought, Tony found himself at the Metro-Transit Bus stop already! The place wasn’t too busy, and there only seemed to be other people commuting to work like him. He made his way through a few people crowded together while managing to say an “um, ehhh, excuse…” but not before he heard, “Dude, watch it!”“Learn how to walk!” and “Where are you goin’, man?” Tony decided to just keep his mouth shut and step in line for his bus to work. 

About ten minutes later, Tony was able to see the massive white Metro-Transit bus rolling around the corner towards Tony’s location. The bus stopped and Tony climbed the stairs on the bus looking for an open seat for himself. Unfortunately, all the seats on the bus were taken, so Tony was required to stand towards the middle and hold on to the hanging straps to ensure his safety on the ride. The Pet Hospital came before the next stop, so luckily, Tony would not have to stand long. 

As Tony stood on the Bus in despair, he began to feel the Whisky kicking in from earlier this morning. Things started to get blurry, hearing was getting to be distorted, and holding on to the handling safety strap became increasingly difficult. Oddly enough, Tony began to hallucinate. He was seeing the bus pass places that were back home in Chicago! He saw his Middle School and a local park he used to play at for awhile on his way home from school, Tony was hit with extreme memories from his early school life. He remembered falling in love with animals in his science class, he remembers leaving the lunchroom and eating with the Serpents in the science labs, but what he will never forget was the beating that he got at the park on his way home from Middle School. The beating was given from a kid named Jacob Lanz, the reasoning for the beating was because Tony was “weird and odd” which never made any sense to Tony. Today, Tony still feels the same pain from his first beating. The weirdness and oddness were still haunting him everyday and hurt the same as every punch from Jacob Lanz. Tony has never felt more separated from society in his life. 

Snapping out of his hallucinate state, Tony fell on the muddy flooring of the bus and threw up once again while hearing other passengers on the bus screaming “EW, SO GROSS!” Tony slowly raised his head up to see London through the windshield of the bus, and all of the other passengers who were looking at him with disgust. Tony managed to word out “I am um, sorry” to the other passengers before jumping off the bus. 

The day was gloomy now, skies are grey, and dark clouds are starting to form on the horizon. Upon entering work, Tony headed straight to his boss who he has been eagerly trying to resign to for the past three years and said, “Sir, I would like to join the research team out in Tanzania.” His boss turned toward Tony, astonished at the leftover puke on his already disgusting scrubs and said “Tony, there is no chance of you joining the research team. I don’t need a liability out there. I mean, look at you, what the hell happened?” Before Tony could answer, his boss eagerly interrupted and said, “Ya know what? I don’t even want to know. Clean yourself up and get back to your lab. Tony lowered his head and defeatedly headed back to his lab.  After taking a seat on his lab stool, Tony’s eyes began to swell up and tear. Filled with feelings of sorrow, despair, and confinement, Tony did not know if he could continue through the pain of his shitty life. He trashed his apartment, doesn’t bathe himself, eats a terrible diet, washes liquor with anxiety meds more than twice a day, throws up, goes to bed, then does the same thing the next day. Hiding away all of these dejected feelings Tony accepted his fate. Wiping away all the remaining tears, Tony cleaned himself up and suited himself up with his personal protective equipment for his first procedure. Tony went to his secret compartment in his lab and grabbed a flask filled with booze and Diet Coke. He stood in front of the operating room, took a massive gulp of his mixed drink, inhaled, exhaled, and headed into the operating room, hoping for a day where his life will change.