Life as a Lover Girl: Valentine’s Day Edition
Don’t get so absorbed in living life as a lover girl that you forget to treat yourself with love too.
By La La La
Although some might believe that Valentine’s Day is a money-making scheme orchestrated by greeting card companies, Valentine’s Day is said to be rooted in a centuries-old history. In third century Rome, Emperor Claudius had banned marriage for young men to increase the number of men available to enlist in the army. Despite this decree, legend has it that St.Valentine risked his life to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. Upon being discovered by Claudius, St.Valentine was tragically sentenced to his death and executed on February 14, 269, the date on which he is now memorialized or Valentine’s Day. While waiting for his death, he continued to write letters expressing his love and devotion to his own lover. As such, St.Valentine became a symbol of romantic love; Romans would pray in his name in the hopes of finding or immortalizing their love.
The origin of Valentine’s Day, regardless of whether it is fact or fiction, makes me downright giddy. As someone who has always been enchanted by the idea of romantic love, I will gleefully engage in any related experience whether it be discussing the subtleties of a friend’s conversation with her class crush, cozying up to watch a classic romantic comedy, or experiencing that all-too-familiar rush of butterflies myself. I just love love. When painted, my nails are almost always painted a fiery shade of red. I wear a pendant of an envelope sealed with a heart around my neck every day. This past Halloween, I dressed up as Cupid (heart-shaped wings to boot!), and I am not ashamed to admit that I have penned a few love letters myself. For me, the season of love is year-round.
In my defense, there are times when nothing can shake the mundanity out of life like having a new crush. The quickening heartbeat, accidentally-on-purpose encounters, and played up back-and-forth become scenes that I continuously replay in my mind.
My freshman year of college, I developed a crush on a boy I had several classes with. Despite not knowing much about him other than the sneaking suspicion that we did not have too much in common, I was convinced I had found love in that lecture hall. I would constantly fantasize about running into him in the dining hall or making eye contact with him across a crowded party. Having the opportunity to engage in a five-minute conversation with him would always be the highlight of my day. I was hopeless, and my time would have been better spent thinking about practically anything else.
As American novelist Melissa Broder writes, “Romantic obsession is my first language. I live in a world of fantasies, infatuations, and love poems. Sometimes I wonder if the yearning I’ve felt for others was more of a yearning for yearning itself. I’ve pined insatiably and repeatedly: for strangers, new lovers, unrequited flames. While the subjects changed, the feeling always remained. Perhaps, then, I have not been so infatuated with the people themselves, but with the act of longing.”
I could not identify with this sentiment more. How many times have I seen a stranger whose face I have not been able to forget? In fact, I once attended an open mic night just to hear a guy whom I had met once and whose voice I adored sing. Yikes! When we begin to imagine a life in which a certain someone has taken center stage, our other faculties go out the window.
Although I want someone to hold a boom box up to my fourth-floor apartment window as much as the next girl, I worry that hyperfixating on the possibility of stumbling across love sucks the fun out of being young and carefree. For instance, I don’t think I have ever had a night out when the thought of potentially meeting my elusive soulmate has not crossed my mind. Until that day comes, I want to live my life for myself rather than wait to be swept up in someone else. And so, lover girl to lover girl, make sure you’re also taking care of your own heart. Write love letters addressed to yourself, gift yourself a dozen roses, and take yourself dancing. On this Valentine’s Day, leave some of the love you’ve been giving away for yourself.